| Skillful listening provides several irrefutable advantages: It makes you a more efficient negotiator, a more effective manager, a more persuasive salesperson, and—best of all, perhaps—a more likable person. Being an inept listener has several irrefutable disadvantages: It makes you a bully negotiator (which means the deals you close will eventually fall apart), a bossy boss (whose employees will secretly do what they can to see you fail), a pushy salesperson (which means you won’t have many repeat customers), and the least likely to be invited back as guest to the party. Case in point: Several weeks ago, MN, BB, and I had lunch with PG, a successful direct-mail copywriter. PG, usually unapproachable, wanted to talk to us about collaborating on a few projects. We were very interested—until he started speaking. He began by telling us all about… well… us! I don’t know where he got his information, but it was mostly wrong and/or outdated. When we tried to correct him, he shook his head dismissively and kept on talking. He then spent what seemed like an eternity telling us what we needed. Once again, everything he said was based on false or obsolete information. He had no idea about our current needs. And, again, when we tried to correct him, he kept on talking. Finally, he paused. This was our chance to speak up, but we were so flabbergasted, we just sat there silently, mouths agape. So he smiled a big ignoramus smile and began the third part of what I’m sure he thought was a marvelous presentation. He gave us half a dozen ideas for solving problems we no longer had and pitched us on opportunities we had long ago taken advantage of. I swear to you: He never asked us a single question. He was animated. His voice boomed and quivered for dramatic effect. He gestured with his hands. He sat forward with confidence. (Or was it impudence?) But he never looked at our faces to discern whether or not his monologue was hitting a chord. Had he done so—even for a second—he would have realized it was going very badly. Here’s the thing: We came to that lunch 99% determined to do business with him. We left sure that we wouldn’t. And the sad thing is that he will never know why. He certainly won’t ask. Now what I’m about to say may seem like braggadocio. So let me preface it by admitting that I am not a natural listener. I prefer to talk—to the point of cutting people off mid-sentence to give them the benefit of hearing me. Read on at earlytorise.com: How to listen, and why it's so valuable...
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