1.  Biden Sets New Goal: 200M COVID Shots in His First 100 Days

 ‘WE CAN DO IT’ 

He said the administration’s initial target of administering 100 million shots in 100 days was achieved in just 58 days.

2.  Secret Service Intervened in Hunter Biden Gun Case: Report

  TRIGGER WARNING 

The Secret Service told Politico it has no record of its agents being involved in the bizarre case of Hunter Biden’s missing firearm in a Delaware incident.

3.  This Is the Sign You Were Waiting For to Buy a Down Pillow

 DOWN FOR THE COUNT 

Parachute didn’t reinvent the wheel with this pillow, but they might have perfected it.

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4.  Boulder Massacre Suspect Was Arrested With Slain Cop’s Cuffs

 ‘THE HEALING PROCESS’ 

“Officers informed him the handcuffs used that day were those of Officer Eric Talley,” Boulder Police tweeted Thursday.

5.  Biden Says He ‘Expects’ to Run for Re-Election in 2024

 ONE MORE TIME 

Asked on Thursday if he thinks he’d be running against Trump, he replied: “I have no idea if there’s going to be a Republican party... do you?”

6.  This Fruit-Shaped Device Will Keep Your Fridge Fresh

 BREATH OF FRESH AIR 

This battery-operated ionizer not only helps keep your fridge smelling fresh, but can also keep your food from going bad.

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7.  Graham’s Followers Are Pissed He Said Jesus Would Be Pro-Vax

 GOOD SAMARITAN 

The evangelist announced Wednesday that if Jesus were alive, he would be an “advocate” for taking the COVID-19 vaccine. Some of his followers were not happy.

8.  Final Israeli Election Tally Shows Bibi Fails Once Again

 DEADLOCK 

Netanyahu and his allies were only able to secure 52 out of the 61 parliamentary seats needed to form a new government.

9.  Boulder Suspect Appears in Court in Wheelchair

 MORE CHARGES COMING 

Ahmad Al Aliwi Alissa, 21, has been charged with 10 counts of first-degree murder for each of the victims of Monday’s mass shooting.

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10.  Britney Wants to End Dad’s Control Over Her Personal Life

 FREE BRITNEY 

A judge shot down Spears’ plea to remove her father from managing her finances last November. Now, the pop star hopes to end her father’s influence over her person.

11.  AstraZeneca Releases New Vaxx Data After Fauci Scolding

  JUST AS GOOD 

Just like the numbers from earlier this week, the new set showed that the vaccine is 100 percent effective in preventing severe disease.

12.  Bank Clerk Allegedly Took Nudes From Women Customers’ Phones

 TRUST NO ONE 

The two women, both 20-years-old, say the suspect pulled the same trick on each of them when they came in for help at the Bank of America location.

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13.  US Could Have Avoided Nearly 400K COVID Deaths: Researchers

 HORRIFIC 

A string of research papers released this week say that the U.S. could have saved billions of dollars and nearly 400,000 lives if it had a better initial COVID-19 response.

14.  Beast’s Michael Tomasky Heads to New Republic as Top Editor

 ‘A CRITICAL MOMENT’ 

The longtime Beast columnist will take over as new editor of the liberal-aligned outlet, which will also moving its editorial operations to D.C.

15.  US Jobless Claims Reach Lowest Level Since Pandemic’s Start

 BACK TO WORK 

The number of unemployment benefit applications sent in last week was reportedly the lowest since the pandemic began, pointing to an improving job market.

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