1. Missouri Med Staff Gets Panic Buttons as Assaults Triple

  RED ALERT 

At least one Missouri hospital has added a handy-dandy new feature to its employees’ medical badges: a big panic button.

2. Trump’s ‘Audit’ Request Plunged TX Guv’s Office Into Chaos

 WOULDN’T WANT TO UPSET HIM 

At the risk of provoking his wrath, staffers quickly rushed to appease the twice-impeached former leader, according to Politico.

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4. 200+ Female Afghan Judges in Hiding as Taliban Frees Killers

 TERRIFYING 

“It was midnight when we heard the Taliban had freed all the prisoners from jail. Immediately we fled,” one judge told the BBC.

5. Pfizer Submits Data to FDA for Younger Kids’ COVID Vaccine

 ALMOST THERE 

The company said it would formally request approval in the “coming weeks” for the vaccine for kids between the ages of 5 and 11.

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7. Simone Biles: I Should Have Quit ‘Way Before’ Tokyo 2020

 ‘IT WAS TOO MUCH’ 

The legendary gymnast said she didn’t want to let Larry Nassar’s abuse force her out of competing.

8. Brian Laundrie’s Parents ‘Concerned’ About Him Amid Manhunt

 IN THE WIND 

A lawyer for the family says the idea that his parents somehow helped him flee is “just wrong.”

9. Trump Loses Omarosa NDA Case: ‘The Bully Has Met His Match’

 ‘VEXATIOUS LITIGATION’ 

Trump’s campaign filed the case against Omarosa days after she published her 2018 tell-all book.

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10. Kareem Abdul-Jabbar: It’s Time to Drop Anti-Vax NBA Players

 GET BENCHED 

The NBA legend said the decision to take the vaccine simply comes down to being part of a team.

11. Police Gunfire Almost Certainly Killed 8-Year-Old Girl: DA

 IN THE CROSSFIRE 

The prosecutor said officers fired their weapons after a fight broke out between young men following a high school football game last month.

12. Man Who Catfished Girls for Child Porn Gets 20 Years in Jail

 ‘YOU TORTURED THEM’ 

Joshua Henry Punt, 39, blackmailed at least eight girls aged between 12 and 16.

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13. Goop Suffers Executive Exodus, Pandemic Burnout: Report

 G-OOPS 

Gwyneth Paltrow’s brand has reportedly seen at least 140 employees leave in the last two years amid a stressful culture and low pay.

14. ‘Threatened’ Female Producer Begged to Leave Cuomo’s Show

 PILING UP 

Melanie Buck said that she asked to leave Cuomo's primetime program because they had “significant differences,” adding that she has “moved on.”

15. GOP Blocks Bill to Fund Government, Raise Debt Ceiling

 THWARTED 

A potential government shutdown still looms, with federal funding expiring at midnight on Thursday.

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