1.  Smollett’s Lawyer Asks Attacker About Bathhouse Masturbation

 PLOT TWIST 

Smollett’s lawyer threw a curveball on Thursday, suggesting that Smollett was in a sexual relationship with one of his attackers.

2.  ‘Rust’ AD Backs Baldwin’s Shock Claim He Didn’t Pull Trigger

  THE PLOT THICKENS 

Dave Halls’ attorney, Lisa Torraco, said that her client had told her “since the very first day I met him” that Baldwin’s finger was “never” on the trigger.

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3.  CBD Lovers: Kratom Is About to Be Your New Fave

 AD BY HAPPY HIPPO HERBALS 

With Happy Hippo Herbals, you can enjoy kratom in all kinds of forms, like powder, capsules, extracts, and energy shots.

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4.  Trump Complained About Ad That Called Him an ‘Idiot’: Report

 STICKS AND STONES 

The ads were supposed to harm GOP Senate hopeful J.D. Vance, but reportedly ended up upsetting Trump.

5.  ‘Zoom Bomber’ Plays Racist Track on Loop in School Meeting

 ‘INTOLERABLE’ 

When the hijacker was kicked out of the meeting, another man started playing the same racial slurs.

6.  Hear Me Out—My Pillowcase Is My Hair Care Secret

 SMOOTH AS SILK 

With everything we do to keep up our appearances, Brooklinen’s Mulberry Silk Pillowcase is the coziest.

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7.  Mariska Hargitay Asks a Man to Stop Singing and I am Soothed

 CHUNG, CHUNG! 

A viral video captures the “Law & Order: SVU” star at her most charming, as she steps in to get a shoot in Washington Square Park back on track.

8.  Cop Charged With Murder for Shooting Ohio Man Outside Home

 ACCOUNTABILITY 

Casey Goodson Jr.’s family said he was carrying Subway sandwiches for his family and his keys when Jason Meade opened fire.

9.  Doc Gets Paltry Fine for Amputating Wrong Leg of Patient

 LEGWORK 

After a mistake she attributed to “human error,” the doctor has since been moved to a new hospital.

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10.  Demonized Mom-and-Daughter Poll Workers Sue Trumpy Website

 LAWYERING UP 

The suit is one of the first to be filed by individual employees targeted by the wacky world of conspiracy-mongering websites that continue to claim Donald Trump won the election.

11.  U.S. Omicron Plan Includes New Testing Rule for Travelers

  STOP THE SPREAD 

All inbound international travelers will have to test negative for COVID 24 hours prior to departure.

12.  Armed Man Outside UN HQ Wanted ‘Papers’ Delivered, Cops Say

 PEACEFUL CONCLUSION 

Law enforcement officials said the man was taken into custody after an hours-long standoff.

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13.  Couple Brought 14-Year-Old Kid to Capitol Riot: Prosecutors

 FUN FOR THE WHOLE FAMILY 

Federal prosecutors have recommended a sentence of three months for Jenny Spencer, a stay-at-home mom of five who allegedly had a child “in tow” as she breached the Capitol.

14.  Pub Chef Gets 4 Months for Deadly Undercooked Shepherd’s Pie

 ‘NOT A ONE-OFF’ 

A pub cook has been sentenced after a pie served at a 2018 village harvest festival caused one woman to die of an internal hemorrhage after she was unable to stop vomiting.

15.  71-Yr-Old Beat Officer With Trump Flag on Jan. 6: Feds

 ‘HERE IT COMES!’ 

Howard Richardson is said to have kept a detailed summary of the day’s events in a spiral-bound day planner.

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