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1. Trump Might Lose Golf Course Liquor Licenses Over Conviction

 TEE-TOTAL 

New Jersey state law bars licenses for those who commit crimes “involving moral turpitude.”

U.S. NEWS

2. Farage Targeted by Yet Another Object-Lobbing Protester

 LINE OF IRE 

Last week it was a milkshake. Now it’s wet cement—he thinks.

WORLD

These Anti-Bloat Electrolyte Drops Are Finally Back in Stock

 BLOAT, BEGONE! 

Buoy’s recently launched anti-bloat electrolyte Digestion Drops sold out in just four days—grab a bottle now before they sell out again.

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3. Malawi VP Killed With 9 Others in Plane Crash: President

 WORST FEARS 

The news was announced after the wreckage of their missing aircraft was found.

WORLD

4. DeSantis Launches ‘Freedom Fund’ to Fight the Democrats

 ‘KEEP FLORIDA FREE’ 

Not to be confused with the “Freedom Fighters Fund,” a legislative bid (that the governor opposed) to get Florida taxpayers to foot Donald Trump’s legal bills.

POLITICS

Robert Mondavi Taps Carmelo Anthony for New Wine Launch

 WINE DOWN 

Robert Mondavi Winery and VII(N) The Seventh Estate, founded by Carmelo Anthony and Asani Swann, announced a new partnership.

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5. UConn Coach Turns Down Mega Offer to Be Lakers Coach: Report

 THANKS BUT NO THANKS 

It would have made Dan Hurley one of NBA’s highest paid coaches.

ENTERTAINMENT

6. Prosecution’s Star Witness Hits the Stand in Menendez Trial

 GODFATHER-ESQUE 

Jose Uribe described a 2019 meeting with the Senator and his girlfriend (now wife), Nadine, at an Italian restaurant in New Jersey.

POLITICS

7. Widow of ISIS Leader Spills on Life With Notorious Terrorist

 DOMESTIC DISCORD 

She said his personality changed drastically after he was detained in 2004 by American forces for a whole year.

WORLD

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8. Teen Victim Survives Near-Fatal Shark Attack in Florida

 AWFUL 

“I made it,” 15-year-old Lulu Gribbins reportedly said upon waking up, just days after having her hand and right leg amputated.

U.S. NEWS

9. Katie Holmes Was Left Off the ‘Dawson’s Creek’ Group Chat

 TOO COOL 

She said she wasn’t aware her fellow cast members were keeping in touch.

ENTERTAINMENT

10. Book Reveals How Trump Feels About ‘Beautiful’ Taylor Swift

 NO BAD BLOOD? 

The former president also mentioned the possibility Swift was somehow only pretending to be liberal.

POLITICS

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11. Reporter Visits Trump’s Mexico Resort, Finds ‘Muddy Hole’

 DIRT POOR 

Some of his global real estate network isn’t quite as glitzy as his New York properties.

POLITICS

12. Kamala Harris Rips Into Byron Donalds Over Jim Crow Comments

 PUT ON BLAST 

The vice president said it was another example of attempts to “rewrite our true history.”

POLITICS

13. Airliner Makes Mayday Call in Mid-Flight Hailstorm Scare

 BUMPY RIDE 

The aircraft’s nose and cockpit windows were significantly damaged in the incident.

TRAVEL

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