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1. Trump Pledges to Give ‘CONCLUSIVE Report’ Proving Innocence

  WITH SHARPIES? 

But the presentation won’t be ready until Monday.

POLITICS

2. Beyoncé Gives Shout-Out to Lizzo Amid Sex Harassment Claims

 ‘I LOVE YOU’ 

She expressed her affection for the accused singer while performing in Atlanta.

ENTERTAINMENT

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3. Surfer ‘a Bit of a Mess’ After Drifting at Sea for 37 Hours

 ‘AMAZING SURVIVAL THING’ 

“He was petrified,” Elliot Foote’s father said.

WORLD

4. Celebrate the Best Moments From the First Year of ‘Obsessed’

 THE WINNER IS... 

We’re celebrating a year of pop-culture excellence with our first-ever entertainment awards, the Obsessies.

ENTERTAINMENT

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5. Drunk U.S. Tourists Caught Sleeping on the Eiffel Tower

 LANDMARK CASE 

Prosecutors say the pair “got stuck because of how drunk they were.”

TRAVEL

6. Number of Homeless Americans Rises at Record Rate: WSJ

 SHAMEFUL 

Spiraling housing costs and the ongoing opioid crisis have been cited as factors.

U.S. NEWS

7. Prestigious London Drama School Rife With Racism: Report

 ‘HOSTILE’ 

An external investigation of the Guildhall School of Music & Drama found that “structural racism” enabled a hostile environment, according to Deadline.

ENTERTAINMENT

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8. Moscow: New Mission Is to Liberate Russian POWs in Ukraine

 KREMLIN LOGIC 

Russia’s defense minister complained of Kyiv making it “complicated” for Moscow to free the soldiers it sent to commit war crimes.

WORLD

9. Alleged Russian Spies Gifted Pies to U.K. Neighbors: BBC

 SECRET SAUCE 

They lived an apparently unassuming suburban life for years before their arrests.

WORLD

10. Pro-Fascist Publisher Unmasked as Military Veteran: Report

 BAD BOOKS 

The proprietor was allegedly a member of white nationalist group that marched in Charlottesville.

U.S. NEWS

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11. Maui Death Toll Hits 99, Governor Warns Figure Could Double

 SEARCHING THE ASHES 

“It’s impossible to guess, really.”

U.S. NEWS

12. Hillary Clinton Shares ‘Profound Sadness’ at Trump Charges

 ‘A TERRIBLE MOMENT’ 

“I don’t feel any satisfaction.”

U.S. NEWS

13. Russian Spy Chief: Europe’s Too Scary and Perverted to Visit

 NO ONE WANTS YOU ANYWAY 

There’s also the matter of a couple outstanding arrest warrants for Russian leadership.

WORLD

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