1. Trumpworld Dumps on Ted Cruz After He Grovels to Tucker

‘TRAITOR’

“What a pandering, philandering asshole,” Roger Stone griped.

MEDIA

2. Judge Scoffs at Rioter’s Request for Romantic Jamaican Vacay

NICE TRY

Anthony Williams allegedly said he would travel to the Capitol to “storm the swamp.”

U.S. NEWS

3. The Internet Made Me Fall Back in Love With This Green Cream

GOING GREEN

It may look like a jar of green goop, but the Dr. Jart Tiger Grass Color Correcting Skin Treatment will make your skin look and feel flawless.

SCOUTED

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4. Local Grinch Poops on Kid’s Table, Steals Her Bike on Xmas

YOU’RE A MEAN ONE...

The Christmas criminal has not yet been caught.

U.S. NEWS

5. Kamala’s New Comms Director Apologizes for Offensive Tweets

MISSED THE MARK

“Sometimes I have been sarcastic, unclear, or just plainly missed the mark,” he said in a mea culpa.

POLITICS

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A podcast covering the new American right

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6. Purple Makes the Best Seat Cushion for Any Chair

SITTIN’ PRETTY

Working from home meant an uncomfortable chair, before I found this cushion.

SCOUTED

7. More Little Kids Are Testing Positive for COVID at Hospital

BREAKING RECORDS

“It’s critically important that we surround them with people who are vaccinated to provide them protection.”

U.S. NEWS

8. Mike Pompeo Reveals Dramatic Weight Loss

NEW YEAR, NEW LOOK

Pompeo attributed the change to increased exercise and healthier foods.

POLITICS

9. ‘The Villages’ Residents Lose Commission Seats Over Arrests

SO MUCH FOR LAW & ORDER

The two Sumter County commissioners were charged with perjury after allegedly violating Florida’s public access law.

U.S. NEWS

10. Obnoxious Influencers Stranded Abroad After In-Flight Chaos

VILE HIGH CLUB

Three airlines have refused to board the passengers; some of them have also tested positive for COVID-19.

WORLD

11. One of the Nation’s Largest Labor Strikes Has Come to an End

PROGRESS

Columbia University’s 3,000-strong student worker union has come to a tentative bargaining agreement with the university.

U.S. NEWS

12. Soulless $295M Megamansion to Be Auctioned After Bankruptcy

EWW

Developers of “The One” were hoping the Bel Air estate would sell for $500 million. Instead the project landed in bankruptcy.

U.S. NEWS

13. Cyber Ninjas Fires All Staff After Shambolic Election Audit

DOWN AND OUT

The announcement came a day after elections officials in Arizona’s Maricopa County debunked the company’s report.

POLITICS

14. NC Cops Say They’ve Cracked 1986 Murder of 4-Year-Old Girl

BREAKTHROUGH

The 61-year-old suspect was charged Thursday with murder, kidnapping and burglary.

U.S. NEWS

15. Alex Jones’ Infowars Store Made $165M in Three Years: Docs

WOMP WOMP

The financial documents were unveiled as part of a lawsuit Jones lost to parents of the Sandy Hook Elementary School massacre.

MEDIA

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