1.  White House Stenographers Can’t Keep Up With Trump’s Verbiage

 LONG WINDED 

The president has already spoken 81,235 words just last week.

POLITICS

2.  NFL Star Accused of Sexually Inappropriate Behavior by Six Massage Therapists

 MASSAGE MENACE 

“It was really degrading,” one of the women said.

U.S. NEWS

Cleaning Goes Chemical-Free With This Steam-Powered Device

 DREAM STEAM 

The Bissell Steam Shot OmniReach makes cleaning tough grime a breeze.

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3.  D.C. Crash May Have Been Due to Helicopter Pilot’s Night Vision Goggles

 OUT OF SIGHT 

“On a clear night, sometimes you can see better without it,” President Donald Trump said.

POLITICS

4.  Amy Schumer Reveals She Was ‘Bedridden’ After Trying Ozempic

 NO THANK YOU 

The comedian dabbled with the diabetic drug that’s become a popular weight-loss method three years ago.

OBSESSED

These Mushroom-Infused Gummies Support Focus and Relaxation

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Get the powerful health benefits of functional mushrooms without the bitter taste.

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5.  Dwyane Wade Reveals Shocking Cancer Diagnosis That Led to Partial Kidney Loss

 REBOUNDING 

Wade revealed that he discovered the tumor after putting off making a doctor’s appointment for years.

OBSESSED

6.  Ex-Prosecutor Claims Trump Sacked Millions Out of Fear

 EXPOSED 

In a searing Substack post, Joyce Vance, revealed what she said is the true reason for the president’s drastic measure.

POLITICS

7.  Iconic Pop Singer Marianne Faithfull Dies at Age 78

 LEGEND LEAVES US 

The singer and songwriter had an illustrious 55-year career.

OBSESSED

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8.  Priest Whines About Defrocking From Imitating Elon Salute

 RAISING PROBLEMS 

Calvin Robinson says he has received hundreds of “nasty” phone calls and messages about the controversy.

U.S. NEWS

9.  John Mulaney Roasts Harry and Meghan in Big Netflix Announcement

 JUST SAYIN’ 

The comedian made sure to get a few shots in at Netflix as well.

OBSESSED

10.  Bristol Palin Reveals Details of ‘Wild’ Facial Paralysis

 GET WELL SOON 

The former VP candidate’s daughter revealed the details of her facial paralysis.

CELEBRITY

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11.  Sean Duffy Mocked for Pointing Out the Obvious About Plane Crash

 CAPTAIN OBVIOUS 

“Oh, thanks for making that clear, genius,” one social media user wrote after the newly sworn in secretary of transportation’s comment.

POLITICS

12.  Daily Mail Cuts Staff as It Merges Print and Digital Arms

 MAIL ORDER 

The cuts will affect less than 100 staffers.

MEDIA

13.  Renée Zellweger Left Hanging From Tree After Bridget Jones Set Mishap

 HANGING ON 

Renée Zellweger’s love interest in the movie, Leo Woodall, spilled all the details.

OBSESSED

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