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1. ‘Worse Than a Tariff’: Canada Yanks American Alcohol From Shelves
JACK AND NOPE
Jack Daniel’s maker’s CEO said the retaliatory moves were a “very disproportionate response.”
POLITICS
2. AI Managers Will Now Take Your McDonald’s Order
MCROBOTS
The company is “lovin’ it” and hopes it’ll attract 75 million new customers.
U.S. NEWS
These Wrinkle-Proof Men’s Pants Give Your Backside a Boost
🍑👀
Jack Archer’s bestselling tech pants give your butt a lift, don’t crease on the commute to the office and are as comfortable as sweatpants.
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3. Master of Jazz Fusion Roy Ayers Dies at 84
JAZZ LEGEND
The jazz-meets-funk musician inspired Pharrell Williams, Dr. Dre, and Kanye West.
CULTURE
4. Father of Cancer Survivor Teen Honored by Trump Slams Rachel Maddow
‘SHUT HER MOUTH’
The MSNBC host was criticizing the president for praising DOGE when she made the comment, as the department has cut off funding into pediatric cancer research.
This Scalp Care Brand Could Be the End of Your Dandruff
HEADS UP!
Jupiter’s scalp care essentials are now available in Target stores across the country.
5. MAGA Wives Handed New Trump Assignment in Italy
EURO TRIP
The second lady will also be joined by Rachel Campos-Duffy, Transportation Secretary Sean Duffy’s wife.
6. ‘Hamilton’ Cancels Kennedy Center Show to Protest Trump’s Takeover
TAKE THAT
Producer Jeffrey Seller announced on X that a scheduled engagement at the Kennedy Center in 2026 will be canceled.
7. The Washington Post Looks to Recruit Right-Wing Journalists
WANTED
The paper’s publisher recently met with the editor-in-chief of the right-wing Free Bacon.
8. Jane Fonda: I Saved My Baby Grandson From a Wild Bear
TRUE STORY
The actor said she had “just learned what to do if you’re close to a bear” before the encounter.
OBSESSED
9. Florida Thief Allegedly Steals Then Swallows $770K Worth of Tiffany Earrings
EXPENSIVE SNACK
Jaythan Gilder, 32, allegedly asked police if he was going to be charged for “what’s in my stomach.”
10. Jesse Eisenberg Gifted New Citizenship After Oscars Movie
A REAL POLE
The star who wrote, directed and acted in “A Real Pain” felt inspired to apply for a Poland citizenship after shooting his film on location.
11. U.S. Holding Secret Talks With Hamas on Hostage Release
BEHIND THE SCENES
The Trump administration has sent the U.S. presidential envoy for hostage affairs to directly talk to the terrorist organization Hamas.
12. Piglets Meant to Starve to Death in Art Exhibition Stolen
PIG-IGNORANT
Marco Evaristti’s exposé aimed to make a point about animal rights in Denmark.
WORLD
13. Panama President Blasts ‘Lying’ Trump Over His Canal Takeover Plan
FIGHTING BACK
“The Canal is Panamanian and will continue to be Panamanian!” said José Raúl Mulino, in a social media post.
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