| If Erling Haaland had signed his new and improved, all-singing, all-dancing, nine-and-a-half-year contract with Manchester City a month ago, headline writers could have had a blast by pointing out the Norwegian was putting pen to paper on a 115-month deal [you rounding up? – Football Daily Ed]. The significance of that particular number being that it is commonly associated with the Rooks Problem in chess, a game the 24-year-old Norwegian striker once told an interviewer he does not like to play. Sadly, the buzzkills in the City HR department have denied sub-editors nationwide their little window of fun with his record deal, reported to be worth £500,000 per week basic. All of which means that, even if he never scores another goal, the striker will trouser something in the region of £246m more by the time he turns 34, leaving him a couple of years to top up his pension in whatever lucrative retirement backwater happens to be fashionable in a decade’s time. “I am super-happy,” howled Haaland, after posing for the obligatory photo with pen poised over his spanking new deal. “I am proud. It is difficult to put into words because it is a big moment. I am happy and that is the right word to use. I am looking forward to staying here for a long time. Now I can fully focus … on performing and getting better to give all of the fans what they want. It has gone really quick. It feels like I signed a moment ago. It has been going really quick and that is a good thing. It means I am enjoying it.” One man who is unlikely to be super-happy to hear news of Haaland’s new deal is Alan Shearer, who is fiercely proud of his position as the Premier League’s record goalscorer, not that it’s one he likes to mention at every available opportunity. The eggheads at Opta have calculated that if Haaland’s current ratio of 0.9 goals per game for City is maintained, he will catch Shearer’s all-time record of 260 goals in another 200 games. At which point, one presumes, he’ll almost certainly set his sights on Shearer’s actual top-flight record of 283 goals, before trying to overtake Gordon Hodgson (288 and two cricket County Championships with Lancashire), Dixie Dean (310), Steve Bloomer (314) and the late great legend Jimmy Greaves (357). A lot done, Erling. More to do. Unique among elite strikers insofar as his goalscoring prowess is phenomenal despite accusations that he is a big-game bottler, Haaland has amassed 246 goals across 148 senior games, just two of which came in the 10 semi-final and final matches he’s participated in (excluding Community Shield and Super Cup games because they don’t count or suit the specious argument that he is in some way not all that). During a time of uncertainty for City, who are awaiting the outcome of the investigation into the charges they face for alleged financial chicanery and book-cooking, news of Haaland’s deal has prompted half-baked conspiracy theories regarding potential outcomes and what might happen to their megabucks-earning striker if they’re bounced down to the National League North. And while Football Daily is not one to entertain such nonsense, we are happy to point out that the all-time goalscoring record to beat in that particular division stands at 106 goals, all of them scored by Danny Rowe. | 