| For those that don’t follow basketball in the US, there’s a legendary phrase coined by Grant Napear, the Sacramento Kings TV announcer: “If you don’t like that, you don’t like NBA basketball.” Roared into the mic with all the gusto of Big John ordering a takeaway, Napear would unload his trademark remark every time a Kings player made a brilliant play. Between 1998 and 2001, Napear nearly wore his phrase out watching Jason “White Chocolate” Williams – a small, harmless-looking six-footer out of a tiny West Virginia town with a heavy drawl – who had happened to have one of the biggest bags (skill-sets for you association football folks) in the game. But rather than hitting three-pointers or dunks, Williams was a master of something different. Assists were his business, and business was booming. Buttery bounce passes, alley-oops, behind-the-back, off-the-elbow, through-your-legs, what-the-heck-was-that dimes for his teammates, Williams had no equal. You don’t have to like NBA basketball to appreciate what is going on here. Williams may not have been the best NBA point-guard but in terms of bums-off-seats, jaw-dropping excitement, he is a Hall of Famer. The NBA equivalent of Adel Taarabt, but with the aesthetic of Jay Spearing. The streets will simply never fail to recall. From white chocolate to white shirts, Williams had quite a different vibe to the follically-blessed José María Gutiérrez, better known as former Real Madrid footballer Guti, but both athletes shared something in common: a love of assists. Ostentatious acts performed under the guise of selflessness. A gift or a curse depending on what colour shirt you are wearing. For both Williams and Guti, their shared magnum opus was the no-look assist; 15 years and one day ago, the Spaniard blessed us with his greatest ever. Deportivo La Coruña v Real Madrid in January 2010 was not a game for tricks and flicks. The visitors hadn’t won at the Riazor in 19 years and trailed Barcelona by eight points in the title race, with Marca previewing the match as “a Game of Life or Death”. Yet, despite being just 1-0 up, Guti delivered an assist so disrespectful that late Spanish journalist David Gistau described his backheel as having “the disdain of someone treading on a hamster”. After a swift Madrid counter-attack, Kaká had put Guti through on goal. But rather than finish simply past Deportivo’s goalkeeper Daniel Aranzubia, the Spaniard beautifully backheeled the ball for Karim Benzema, a teammate initially so semi-detached from proceedings he may as well have been sold on Rightmove. Watch the goal back and it is scarcely believable that this wasn’t just a kick around in the park with Guti’s mates. How on earth did Guti even know Benzema was vaguely available, unless there was a large mirror nestled behind Aranzubia’s goal? To have the audacity, the chutzpah, to even try a backheel pass at full pelt in that situation is ridiculous. Either that, or Guti was so desperate to avoid using his weaker right foot to shoot that he was willing to risk it all. Forget the why, or the how. Just enjoy probably the greatest assist of all time. Here’s to Guti, here’s to Jason Williams and here’s to the very concept of being silly, a criminally-underrated trio devoted to having fun even when they are not supposed to. | 