“Oi, you there – Football … Daily, isn’t it?” The water cooler is cast into darkness by the unmistakable, seven-foot shadow of The Man. “Y-y-yes, sir,” your favourite tea-timely email splutters. “That’s us … Football Daily … glad you’ve noticed our recent rebranding effort, although you can still call us The Fiv …” “See the goal last night?” The Man roars, crushing his way through several tiny cardboard cups. “What a finish!” “Very nice indeed sir,” we reply, fumbling with the buttons and getting a cup of lukewarm water. “And what about that buildup play?” bellows The Man, clapping a giant hand on our shoulder. “Buildup play sir? But it was from a corner …”

Listen, how were we to know that The Man wasn’t referring to Tuesday’s most significant strikes – Alessandro Golinucci’s volley for San Marino against Denmark, the team’s first goal since March 2022? Perhaps we should have realised The Man is more of a free-to-air football connoisseur, who enjoys nothing more than braying a few obscenities at the England men’s team over a bottle of red. But anyway, that goal. It was the latest in an ever-increasing highlight reel for the brilliant Jude Bellingham, a player The Man rates as “bloody good”, and believes could be even better if he played for a proper team in the Premier League, like Spurs.

After going a goal down early on, things were getting fractious around Wembley before the night’s first Bellingham burst™ (Nick Ames, Big Paper) earned a penalty that Harry Kane tucked away. For England’s second, Bellingham led a lightning counter, picking up Rashford before making a dummy run across goal. The Manchester United forward, scorer of a solitary goal this season, then used Bellingham by not using him and swept the ball into the far corner. We also loved Phil Foden’s shimmy and pass to kickstart the move, which we might try and discuss with The Man over lunch. On second thoughts, maybe the moment’s passed. We’ll catch up with him next summer, when he demands an explanation as to how exactly England only drew 1-1 with something called “The Netherlands”.

Kane added a third to secure England’s eighth straight appearance at a major men’s tournament, and leave Italy in real danger of goin’ Rome instead of making it to Germany next summer. The England captain might feel a touch of the Stan Mortensens looking at today’s papers, but the hype is understandable. Bellingham has become the superstar this team needed, able to change the game in a heartbeat – and for the first time since Wayne Rooney in 2004, the tournament’s most exciting talent will be an England player. All in all, there is precious little for fans to be upset about – but that didn’t stop Jordan Henderson getting another round of jeers. We’d like to think it’s because of his Saudi move, rather than for Not Being James Maddison, but … oh hang on, The Man has put “Vindaloo” on and is starting a mandatory conga. The Euro 2024 party starts here!

Join Niall McVeigh at 7pm BST for updates on PSG 1-2 Manchester United (2-3 agg) in Women’s Big Cup.

“We do so much every day to be the best version of yourself and keep fit for so many games. This behaviour from San Marino last night, trying to injure me was unacceptable!” – Rasmus Højlund takes to Social Media Disgrace Instachat to accuse San Marino players of targeting him during Denmark’s 2-1 Euros qualifying win.

“Today I read that Mr £80 Million is complaining because yesterday he received less than great treatment from the defenders of San Marino. Well dear, in football today where physical contact has disappeared, you can allow yourself to make fun of us little opponents [and] simulate at every opportunity hoping for a penalty. I would have liked to see you 15 years ago when only real men played football!” – San Marino defender Roberto Di Maio, 41, hits back at Højlund (who, to be fair, was only five years old in 2008).

I just had to comment after reading Douglas Hardie’s wonderfully evocative missive re Mitre Mouldmasters (Tuesday’s Football Daily letters). As a retired primary schoolteacher who was initially roped in to do the under-11s football for the school in my first teaching post in the 1970s it absolutely captures the feel of the times! I’d usually had a fair skinful of Tin the night before, the pitch was often freezing and it was a Saturday morning. We might be away at some godforsaken school on the outskirts of Norwich with a handful of parents. The kids were sometimes less than keen and then the match ball appeared and this could be crucial. I swear some schools doctored their prize possession to add to the advantage they already had with a mishapen, sloping pitch and a quagmire for a penalty area. The ball was a Mitre but not as we know it! Many thanks for the memories Douglas!” – Colin Roy.

I’ll see your Mitre (and its different entities) and raise you with the Wembley Trophy 5. This faux ‘casey’ was responsible for just as many (if not more) flayed patches of inner thigh skin on many a football playing youngster” – Kevin Worley.

If I were a Manchester United fan (yesterday’s Football Daily), I’d welcome a consortium of Sauron, Lord Voldemort and the Four Horsemen of the Apocalypse if it replaced the Glazers” – Dale Jenkins.

Perhaps this highlights how far Gareth Southgate has taken England or perhaps it just illustrates that qualifying for European Championships is easier now (unless you have Stephen Kenny in charge) because they have been expanded from four teams at Euro ‘76 to 24 in Euro 2024. However, I was watching the recent, and in no way completely hagiographic, documentary on David Beckham with my partner, who is from Spain, and after England’s draw with Italy in 1997 she turned to me and said: ‘Why are all the England players celebrating? They haven’t won anything, they’ve only just qualified for a tournament’. Ah, them was the days” – Noble Francis.

Send your letters to the.boss@theguardian.com. Today’s winner of our prizeless letter o’ the day is … Kevin Worley.

“I played mostly with boys. My parents did not support the idea that I wanted to play football. They wanted me to focus solely on school. In Malawi, and in most parts of Africa, parents believe that you have to go to school for you to do well … I was the one that took my little sister, Temwa [also a top player in China’s Super League], to go and play football. Whenever I came back home, I would face the harsh law of my parents … of course, I didn’t give up” – in the latest edition of our sister email, PSG’s Tabitha Chawinga describes how she kept playing despite parental punishment to become one of the leading strikers in the world game. You can sign up to Moving the Goalposts here.

Newcastle executives have been stunned by widespread reports in Italy that Sandro Tonali has admitted to placing bets on Milan matches during his time as a player at the Serie A club.

Nice have suspended defender Youcef Atal for a social media post on the Israel-Hamas conflict and Mainz have done the same to former Aston Villa winger Anwar El Ghazi over a similarly-themed post.

Barcelona chief suit Joan Laporta is under formal investigation for alleged bribery in a probe spanning two decades of activities at Spain’s refereeing committee, according to a court document seen by Reuters.

Jenni Hermoso has been included in Montse Tomé’s Spain squad for the Nations League games against Italy and Switzerland.

In sign-of-the-times-news, more than 80% of EFL players do not feel safe from physical harm and discrimination on the pitch, according to a survey by the PFA.

Juventus midfielder Nicolò Fagioli has been slapped with a seven-month ban as part of a settlement with the Italian football federation after breaching rules surrounding betting on matches.

In the ongoing ownership saga at Old Trafford, Jim Ratcliffe’s bid for a 25% stake in Manchester United is still weeks away from being concluded.

It’s been a good week for Liverpool players, with Darwin Núñez heading home the opener in Uruguay’s 2-0 World Cup qualifying win over Brazil and Dominik Szoboszlai scoring and assisting to help Hungary come from 2-0 down to draw 2-2 against Lithuania.

Ukraine have moved above Italy in England’s group after beating Malta 3-1, the win sealed by Chelsea’s Mykhailo Mudryk.

In meaningless friendly news, Japan continued their push to become the world’s best team while no one was looking by beating Tunisia 2-0. That makes it 24 goals in their last half-dozen games, the winning streak including a 4-1 victory in Germany last month.

And Sheppey United boss Ernie Batten is still coming down after guiding his plucky Isthmian League South East side (the lowest-ranked left in the FA Cup) into the first round after beating Billericay on penalties. “It’s just unbelievable, the enormity of it,” he gasped. “Sheppey has had many, many years out in the wilderness … sometimes the fairytale comes true.” They’ve never been this far before and they face the mighty Walsall next.

Nick Ames waxes lyrical about Jude Bellingham after he brought a feelgood factor to Wembley with his dazzling creativity.
”What the hell do I do?” Read how Steve McClaren came in as Manchester United’s No 2 amid scepticism and plenty self-doubt in an extract from Ryan Baldi’s book.
Which player has played for all the common club suffixes? The Knowledge knows.
Check out Matthew Hall’s interview with Ciara McCormack, the Canadian soccer whistleblower who has become the first female co-owner and CEO of a League of Ireland club.

Benjamin Pavard waited years for his France chance as a centre-back. He took it against Scotland, reports Luke Entwistle.

And if you don’t already listen to the Nessun Dorma podcast, you really should do.

March 1997: Roberto Donadoni poses for a photo with his dog at his home in New York, where he had just signed a contract to play for the Metrostars in MLS. His apartment is giving off serious art gallery vibes.