Support the Guardian

Fund independent journalism with £5 per month

Football Daily - The Guardian
Copies of The Very Hungry Caterpillar.
camera Manchester United’s defence on alert, earlier. Photograph: Mike Blake/Reuters
20/09/2023

Manchester United and the Very Hungry Kaneterpillar

Daniel Harris
 

IN THE LIGHT OF THE MOON

Every self-respecting centre-forward loves easy goals and useless opposition – rightly so. But in the entirety of the game’s history, few, if any, have guzzled low-hanging fruit with quite the same alacrity as Harry Kane. Whether terrorising Panama and Albania but not Italy or Spain, snaffling penalties but missing the biggies, or spending his career unencumbered by expectations of success, the Paul Collingwood of the football honours world can always be relied upon to feast on carrion, then present teammates with a home-display memento commemorating their achievement in knowing him.

Consequently, Kane’s move to Bayern Munich made him the perfect addition to a squad already certain to win the club’s 69,539th consecutive Bundesliga title. It’s a dream come true! They couldn’t have done it without you! Though yet to hit form, Bayern sit second in the table on goal difference, Werder Bremen, Augsburg and Leverkusen already ravaged by the Very Hungry Kaneterpillar, with Bochum and Preußen Münster up next. Slurrrp! Burrrp! But he also has unfinished business with Big Cup, most particularly after deploying his fabled skills of oratory and orthopaedics to guilt-trip Mauricio Pochettino into picking him for the 2019 final – which Spurs lost in traditionally tame fashion.

On Wednesday night, with Manchester United visiting Munich, the fruit hangs so low it’s almost subterranean. Though Harry Maguire is absent, the form of Victor Lindelöf, Lisandro Martínez and Casemiro is so poor as to make gorging feel inevitable nonetheless. Unless you ask Erik ten Hag, who is positive about United’s prospects despite the absence of Kobbie Mainoo, Sofyan Amrabat, Aaron Wan-Bissaka, Mason Mount, Raphaël Varane, Luke Shaw, Tyrell Malacia, Bill Brewer, Jan Stewer, Peter Gurney, Peter Davy, Dan’l Whiddon, Harry Hawke, Old Uncle Tom Cobley and all.

And not without reason – Ten Hag’s tactical acumen and coaching excellence will have surely have his club challenging for major honours, just as soon as the footballing authorities replicate his recruitment policy. However, pending the arrival into the Premier League and Big Cup of Utrecht, Go Ahead Eagles and Bayern Reserves, he has a problem: you can talk all you like about principles, overloads and pressing, but if your players are too lazy to bother or too dense to understand, you’re dinner. And for the Very Hungry Kaneterpillar, it’s Saturday.

LIVE ON BIG WEBSITE

Join Barry Glendenning from 8pm BST for hot Big Cup MBM coverage of Bayern Munich 2-1 Manchester United, when Will Unwin will also be in the hot seat for Arsenal 2-1 PSV.

QUOTE OF THE DAY

“I couldn’t really speak to [Maurizio] Sarri at that point, there was a lot of confusion. They just told me there was 30 seconds left so I went [upfield]. Luis Alberto goes for the far post from there so I just went to the only empty space” – Lazio’s Ivan Provedel is more calm and collected than any goalscoring goalkeeper should be as he describes the moment he timed his run into the box perfectly to nod home a 95th-minute Big Cup equaliser against Atlético.

Lazio’s goalkeeper Ivan Provedel (right) glances the ball home like Niall Quinn in his prime.
camera Lazio’s goalkeeper Ivan Provedel (right) glances the ball home like prime Niall Quinn. Photograph: Andrew Medichini/AP

FOOTBALL DAILY LETTER

quote

Reading about how the Spanish FA just seems to continually muck up its handling of the goings on with the women’s team, it does beg the question: is this Elon Musk’s next business acquisition? It seems to be another never-ending bin fire, just like you know what” – Stuart McLagan.

Send your letters to the.boss@theguardian.com. Today’s winner of our letter o’ the day is … Stuart McLagan, who wins a copy of The Blizzard: Issue 50. Readers can get £3 off and free shipping for the print edition with the promo code FD3, while those who would rather get the digital version can get £1 off with code FD1. We’ve more to give away all week so get tapping those keys.

RECOMMENDED LISTENING

It’s Max Rushden and the pod squad on a plucky Big Cup point for Newcastle, Manchester City doing what they do and much more.

The Guardian Podcasts

MOVING THE GOALPOSTS

It’s the latest edition of our sister email on the new Women’s Nations League, which promises a format in which “every game matters”. Here’s Sophie Downey on how it will work and and whether it could stall younger nations’ progress. If you don’t already, sign up to get the full email each Wednesday.

NEWS, BITS AND BOBS

All but two of Spain’s World Cup winners have agreed to end their boycott after a marathon six-hour meeting that also brought an agreement from the football federation to make “immediate and profound changes”. Meanwhile, the Spanish government has accused the RFEF of making a “fool” of the country.

Patri Guijarro and Spain's defender Mapi León talk to the press after announcing they are the two members leaving the squad.
camera Patri Guijarro and Spain's defender Mapi León talk to the press after announcing they are the two members leaving the squad. Photograph: José Jordan/AFP/Getty Images

Referees in Cyprus have gone on indefinite strike after an apparent arson attack on a car belonging to an official’s mother.

After denying an earlier report that manager Stefan Kuntz was being given the heave-ho, Turkey have now given him the heave-ho.

Eddie Howe has showered Nick Pope with praise after Newcastle’s 0-0 draw with Milan. “There’s not many keepers who could have made all those saves,” cooed Howe, eyelashes fluttering at the big stopper.

In less surprising Big Cup news, Manchester City have begun their defence with a 3-1 home win over Red Star, while Joe Hart reckons he wasn’t to blame for conceding a weak free-kick in nine-man Celtic’s 2-0 loss to Feyenoord. “You have got to hold your ground, especially when it’s very close to people’s shoulders,” he wibbled. “Once it went past Kyogo [Furuhashi], I couldn’t get across quickly enough with the skip and the curl.”

Hindsight dept: Ole Gunnar Solskjær has admitted that signing a 35-year-old Cristiano Ronaldo wasn’t the best idea. “It was a decision that was very difficult to turn down and I felt we had to take it, but it turned out wrong,” he sniffed.

Daniel Levy has revealed at a fans’ forum that Spurs have a buyback clause in Bayern’s contract if they want to make Harry Kane one of their own again.

Harry Kane mural
camera Harry Kane: gone but not forgotten (by commissioned street artists) in N17. Photograph: Ian Walton/Reuters

Preston are top of the Championship, a point clear of Ipswich, after the pair beat Birmingham and Southampton, respectively.

And Exeter City’s Johnstone’s Paint Trophy hopes don’t look good after they went down to a 9-0 defeat at home to Reading. “You’ll remember it forever, I just said that to them,” fumed Grecians boss Gary Caldwell. “I’ve been there as a player and you have to do something about it – you have to be a resilient person if you want to have a career in football.”

Reading get their celebrations on.
camera Reading get their celebrations on. Photograph: Frankie Okeeffe/PPAUK/Shutterstock

STILL WANT MORE?

Erik ten Hag and Manchester United’s fans will be reminded of what could have been as they come face to face with Harry Kane and Bayern Munich in Big Cup, writes David Hytner.

There’s also a bigger picture to view ahead of the Group A game in Germany. Matt Ford looks at how Bayern supporters show United fans a way to hold owners to account.

Which player is the most prolific scorer against a former club? And who never played for England again after scoring a hat-trick? The Knowledge knows.

James Nalton on why Inter Miami’s support of striking hotel workers in California matters.

Mo Salah has tweaked his game to become a provider – but he is still showing why Liverpool were wise to reject £150m for him, writes Ben McAleer.

And Andy Hamilton looks back on his first trip to Stamford Bridge in 1960 and feeling a “thunderbolt of instant adoration”.

RECOMMENDED SHOPPING

The Football Weekly Book is out on 28 September and you can order your copy (with a discount) now, now, now.

RECOMMENDED BOOKING

There’s a live event on 26 September to mark that launch. More details and tickets are here. And then the pod goes on tour again in November. Several dates are now sold out, but there are still some tickets available elsewhere.

MEMORY LANE

Bill Shankly resigned as Liverpool manager in 1974 and it is well known that he struggled to fill his time without the day-to-day activities of running a football club. Here he is at home, a year later, filling some of his spare hours by typing out letters on a little desk in his front room.

Bill Shankly
camera Photograph: Manchester Daily Express/SSPL/Getty Images

‘IT’S THE FINAL COUNTDOWN’

 

Katharine Viner

Editor-in-chief, The Guardian

Person Image

Three years ago, as Britain left the European Union, the Guardian made a commitment to becoming more, not less, European.

Now, we are going further, launching a new Europe digital edition to serve our audience of millions across the continent. Guardian Europe will be a dedicated English-language site for our readers in Europe, showcasing original, independent journalism that highlights the issues that matter to them.

We already have a superb team of correspondents across the continent, and have been on the ground almost every day since the outset of the war in Ukraine. We have added specialists in crucial Europe-wide themes such as the environment, culture, community affairs and sport.

We are asking our readers to get behind this bold new commitment by supporting us financially. To support Guardian Europe and all our journalism, please consider setting up a monthly amount, from just £2.

 
Get in touch
If you have any questions or comments about any of our newsletters please email the.boss@theguardian.com
https://www.theguardian.com/uk
You are receiving this email because you are a subscriber to Football Daily. Guardian News & Media Limited - a member of Guardian Media Group PLC. Registered Office: Kings Place, 90 York Way, London, N1 9GU. Registered in England No. 908396