| Dear John, Why is it that criticism tends to trigger such a defensive posture from us when we receive it that we often feel compelled to defend ourselves or even respond with our own criticism? My dictionary defines criticism as "the art of judging with propriety the beauties and faults of a performance; remark on beauties and faults; critical observation, verbal or written." Col. George Washington Goethels, the man who completed the Panama Canal, is an example of someone who handled criticism effectively. During the construction of the Canal, he had numerous problems with the geography, climate and mosquitoes. As with many who lead mammoth projects, he had his critics back home who constantly harped on what he was doing and predicted that he would never complete the project. He persisted with the task and said nothing. One day an associate asked him, "Aren't you going to answer the critics?" “Yes,” Goethels responded. "How?" he was asked. "With the Canal," Goethels replied. Though that approach didn’t bring instant satisfaction, the canal itself brought long term vindication. Certainly no one likes to be criticized, but on occasion, it does have real value. If you find yourself on the receiving end, ask yourself this question: "What interest does this person (critic) have in me?" A parent, teacher, employer or coach has a vested interest in you. If they are offering criticism, it’s most likely being done in an effort to help you become better in some way. Though their intentions are good, many of them unfortunately do not know how to effectively build a person up while also giving suggestions that can make a positive difference. What they may be lacking, and what you should remember if you are on the giving end, is the key to effective and helpful criticism: remark on the performance and not the performer. My grandmother once criticized Dad’s performance at a gardening task by saying, "For most boys, this would be all right. But you're not most boys - you're my son and my son can do better than that." She had "criticized the performance," because it needed improvement, but she had praised the performer because he needed the praise. Next time you receive criticism, and find your initial instinct is to push back against it, take a minute to consider the source and the intent. Perhaps then you’ll be able to take what is being offered and use it to move yourself just a bit further along the success path! You were Born to Win, so go ahead and Live to Win! Tom PS - Not everyone will have good, positive intentions when they criticize you, and it’s important to make that distinction. It’s like Dad said, “Don’t be distracted by (the wrong kind of) criticism. Remember — the only taste of success some people have is when they take a bit out of you.” | 