Happy Independence Day

Ah, Independence Day. That time of year we celebrate the bold idea that government should leave us the hell alone — and not just when we’re buying beer or trying to keep our backyard chickens a secret from the city.

See, back in 1776, a bunch of guys in wigs and itchy pants wrote something called the Declaration of Independence. And no, it wasn’t just a breakup letter to King George. It was a warning shot across the bow of tyranny — and it still holds up better than any iPhone update.

President Calvin Coolidge, that silent but deadly (in a good way) president, put it perfectly:

“About the Declaration there is a finality that is exceedingly restful. It is often asserted that the world has made a great deal of progress since 1776, that we have had new thoughts and new experiences which have given us a great advance over the people of that day, and that we may therefore very well discard their conclusions for something more modern. But that reasoning can not be applied to this great charter. If all men are created equal, that is final. If they are endowed with inalienable rights, that is final. If governments derive their just powers from the consent of the governed, that is final. No advance, no progress can be made beyond these propositions. If anyone wishes to deny their truth or their soundness, the only direction in which he can proceed historically is not forward, but backward toward the time when there was no equality, no rights of the individual, no rule of the people. Those who wish to proceed in that direction can not lay claim to progress. They are reactionary. Their ideas are not more modern, but more ancient, than those of the Revolutionary fathers.”

In other words: if you think you’ve got some bright new government idea that tramples on individual rights “for your safety,” congratulations — you’re not pushing us forward. You’re dragging us back to the Dark Ages, where kings ruled, peasants obeyed, and nobody had Netflix.

So this Independence Day, don’t just celebrate a day off work or a reason to eat meat off a stick. Celebrate the fact that you were born free — not born to follow orders. That’s the real progress. Everything else is just noise from people who think tyranny sounds better with a gender studies degree.

Happy Independence Day, folks. Let’s keep it that way.

In my latest column below I lament the Rockies losing season.

In Complete Colorado, Sherrie Peif has a piece on potential tax hikes in Colorado.

Ari Armstrong opines on Colorado public school funding.

Lastly, Savana Kascak covers a Colorado camp winning exemption from the state’s new gender identity rules.

Raised in a Colorado Jewish family, Dave Kopel made Boulder his home decades ago. He's noticed the town and the state is growing more hostile to Jews.

Making ballpark-priced lemonade out of the Rockies’ losing season

By Jon Caldara

When a city’s major league sports team wins a world championship, celebrations get out of hand. Fans get intoxicated, they vomit and urinate on sidewalks, throw trash everywhere, light stuff on fire, break windows, get into brawls with police and more.

In other words, they turn their city into what Denver already looks like.

I was with an out-of-towner the other day when he looked around and said, “Whoa, I didn’t know the Nuggets won the championship.”

Denver has no world champions right now. But we might by the end of this baseball season. There’s a very good chance the Colorado Rockies will end the year in very last place. That is, they could be this year’s champions of really sucking at baseball.

The city already looks like we’ve won the World Series. So, if we become world champions of losing, logically we should have the opposite reaction. I expect people to uncontrollably pick up litter, hose down sidewalks, scrub graffiti off walls and forcibly bathe transients.

It could be the prize for being first of the worst. Maybe the embarrassment will focus the collective mind of Denver to clean itself up. When things go bad, people change. I’ve seen newly divorced women get in shape, buy attractive outfits and try out a new version of themselves. That could be Denver after being divorced from winning.

Of course, newly divorced men usually put on 20 pounds from binging Doritos and Netflix, so let’s move on from this bad analogy.

Biggest losers

But there is even bigger title. The worst season for any professional baseball team was 1918. The Philadelphia Athletics won an infinitesimal 36 games all season, with a win-ratio of .235. Halfway through this season, the Rockies have won only 18 games, a ratio of .225 (due to today’s longer seasons). We’re on track!

I’m telling you, we can do this! With a little team discipline, no changes in pitching, and a bit of luck, the Rox have a shot at the all-time greatest loser title!

The Harlem Globetrotters, who always win, constantly play the Washington Generals, who always lose. The Generals make their money by losing. I’ve learned that the hard way, by always betting on them (I mean, come on, they’re due).

The Rockies are the Washington Generals of baseball. People don’t pay to see them win. People come to see the other team. Thus, games against popular teams, like the Dodgers and Yankees, are packed.

The Rox have a disincentive to hire better players and coaches. It would cut into their profits. Oddly, they make more money when other teams’ owners hire better, expensive talent. That sells more home Rockies tickets.

Colorado is sports crazy. We love sports more than teenage girls love Taylor Swift. Coloradans keep shelling out crazy prices to see teams lose. And damn those designers of Coors Field. It’s the most beautiful, serene and timeless ballpark in the country. Who doesn’t want to go there?

We show up for ball games no matter how lousy the team is. Heck, I just took my son to see the L.A. Dodgers humiliate us. Bought my kid a hamburger and a Coke for $25, while envisaging the hotdog and soda at Costco I get for $1.50.

What’s the plan, what’s the celebration if we hit that century-old, all-time crappiest record for a city which has turned, literally, rather crappy? The Rockies’ owners need to answer that and take leadership. They’re the real winners in the Rox losing seasons.

Since the Rockies can’t, or won’t, invest in winning talent, I think the least they can do is promise a big gift to the people of Colorado should they break the all-time losing record. After all, this community bought them a taxpayer-built stadium, fills it regularly and chokes down bus-station food at airport-food prices.

Should they break the all-time record, I say the Rockies should commit $10 million to clean up Denver. A one-time litter pickup and washdown won’t do. The money should be spent on lobbying city government to enforce the laws against living on the streets, litter, car theft and assault.

Give us something to root for, Rox! Commit you’ll clean up our trashed-out city, be the voice City Hall can’t ignore. Demand the city be saved block by block.

Let us root for Blocktober!

Saturday, September 13, 2025

Kiowa Creek Sporting Club
46700 E County Road 30
Bennett, CO 80102