| AUGUST 2, 2023 • VOL. 21 ISSUE 31 | | | Hi John,
It’s only fair that your partner treat you as well as you treat him or her, right?
Before you answer that question, read today's Q&A. Perhaps all is not fair in love, nor should it be.
Register for our upcoming webinar and learn how to unpack your employees’ carry-ons—their doubts, anxieties, hang-ups—and make room for them.
|
|
|
| |
| | Crucial Conversations for Mastering Dialogue
| |
| |
|
|
| How Can I Get My Husband to Treat Me as Well as I Treat Him? | | by Joseph Grenny
|
|
|
| Whenever my husband tells me things he doesn’t like that I do, I own it, say I’m sorry, and tell him I am determined to change it. If even ten minutes later I tell him I don’t like something he does, he’ll reply, “We really need to stop criticizing each other!”
I would appreciate it if he would own his behavior and validate my perspective, like I did for him. I feel like I’m trying to do what’s required to have a good relationship, but he doesn’t. What can I do?
Signed,
Unfair
|
|
|
| |
| Your question hits close to home. I spent many years expecting relationship “fairness.” Over time I concluded it wasn’t realistic, useful, or healthy. Give me a moment to explain, then I’ll try to offer practical advice.
Your desire is to have your concerns heard and validated. Nothing wrong there. But your central argument is that he should do it because you do it. You believe that he should be more motivated to hear and validate you because you’ve earned it. Human beings have a hardwired expectation of reciprocity. It’s part of what makes us cooperative creatures. If you say good morning to someone, it’s natural to expect a return greeting. And they often feel a reciprocal obligation to do so. If I hold the door for you, you’re more likely to hold the next one for me. Likewise, I unconsciously expect you to get the next one. After all, fair is fair.
| | |
|
|
| |
| | | WEBINAR
| | Employee Carry-Ons: Unpacking, Understanding, and Making Room for What Employees Bring to Your Organization | | When we travel from one organization to another, we carry with us a host of attitudes and habits, not all of them positive. In our upcoming webinar, the fun and engaging Scott Robley will explain how leaders can unpack employee carry-ons and make room in the organization for what’s inside. | | | |
|
|
| | | Sep 26–27 | | Crucial Conversations® for Accountability | | Join us live in Atlanta, Georgia, and learn how to: Master performance discussions. Reach alignment when stakes are high and opinions vary. Strengthen trust and reliability. Influence behavior for good. Get better results and improve relationships.
| | | |
|
|
| | | | | Dreamers have dreamed of restoring perpetual spring to the earth. But we must look elsewhere for Eden. Spring is good; but freedom and justice are better. Eden is moral, not material. To be free and just depends on ourselves. Serenity is eternal. Our perpetual spring is within us. | | | | | |
| |
|
|
