Hi John,

Ever used the skills from Crucial Conversations to confront or disagree with a parent? What did you do, and how did it go? Share your insights with fellow readers on today’s Q&A about an age-old challenge: taking the keys.
How to Confront an Aging Parent about Their Driving
by Scott Robley

My 80-year-old dad is experiencing cognitive decline, has had eye surgery on both eyes, and is deaf. One of my siblings says that my dad is a “terrifying” driver. But no one in the family is doing anything about it, probably because they’re all busy raising families. How can I talk to them about my dad’s driving? And how can we talk to our dad, who will not take lightly his car keys being taken by his children?

Signed,
Concerned

I am sorry to hear about your father. It’s never fun to watch your parents age and decline in their abilities. Your concern for his driving is appropriate, as is your concern for how he will respond to the conversation. No one wants to admit, let alone experience, limitations that come due to aging.

This is a conversation that many people will face with their parents. While for your dad it’s his vision and hearing, for others it could be medical conditions that impair their abilities. Regardless of the limitations, the challenge a child faces is convincing a parent that they are now placing themselves and the public at risk.
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If you consider yourself a victim, you are not going to have a good life; if, however, you refuse to think of yourself as a victim—if you refuse to let your inner self be conquered by your external circumstances—you are likely to have a good life, no matter what turn your external circumstances take.
 
—William B. Irvine