| Let's talk about anxiety and depression. On the surface, anxiety is the distant cousin to depression. They’re in the same family, but depression is almost always at the forefront of the mental health discussion. Anxiety, on the other hand, is a medical afterthought. I think this is true because anxiety appears to be so easily curable. Google “anxiety” and it’ll turn up a wealth of random listicle articles detailing “15 different ways to overcome your anxiety.” “Feeling anxious” is a common sensation that everyone experiences at one point or another. Here are a few scenarios that might ring a bell: That job interview that leaves your stomach in knots the night before.
Welcoming a new baby into the world and the weight of a thousand suns illuminating the reality of your new role as father to a human.
Clenching your fists while hoping your favorite team's quarterback can nail that touchdown pass with 2 minutes to go in the game.
For many people, moments like these amount to little more than a temporary "bug in the brain." Countless writers even suggest "in the moment" techniques for dealing with anxious moments—like intentional breathing and meditation.
I mean, they are all just in our heads anyway, right? In reality, however, anxiety often serves as the precursor—or fellow ailment—of depression. They aren’t distant cousins after all. They’re more like siblings that play off of each other to render your mind a mess. To help paint a real-life picture of anxiety-turned-depression, I want to share my personal story. Many may relate to what I share here. But many more might have a totally different experience with anxiety and depression. My story is not THE story, but if it helps you understand your own struggles and fight your own battles more effectively, then it will be worth sharing. Before I dive in, however, I want to be clear about something: This is not a broad-stroke cure nested in 11 easy-to-follow ways to cure what ails you. This is a serious look at a terrifying experience and how I’ve managed to deal with it in my own way. My hope is that it encourages others who struggle in similar ways to seek out help and keep up the fight. Because if you do, you will win. The hidden demons of an ideal life
For almost 10 years, I spent every waking minute of my life dedicated to one of the most "manly" careers you can imagine. I was a TV sports anchor.
For many, this is a dream job. I got paid to watch sports and then deliver my own viewpoint on the day’s action for thousands of viewers every single day. One thing I got accustomed to watching was failure. Everybody lusts for success, and for some teams, it was just a never-ending crusade for greatness that always turned out badly. That failure can seep into everyday life. It can infect your conversation, your relationships, your public and private image. The feeling of constant defeat wears on you, as it did for many athletes during my time as anchor. The most talented athletes I had ever known became "lovable losers"—sometimes overnight—enduring the relentless onslaught of season after season of "Ls" on the scoreboard. Still, most of us say, these are men and women who earn 7 figures in a year—an amount easily doubled with sponsorships and advertising deals. So they lose a few games. So what? They've still got it made. Right? Eventually, I left that life behind. But what stuck with me was the experience of losing—of failing so epically in a public forum that it's hard to step back into a place of confidence. Nevermind 7 figures or a Nike sponsorship. It wasn't long before I, too, began to feel the ache of anxiety and depression. But it wasn't the result of some monumental loss in life. I didn't go to war and lose a friend. I didn't suffer an agonizing injury. I'm not on the streets. In fact, my life is pretty amazing. I'm a successful entrepreneur by most standards. I'm a husband to a fantastic, beautiful, and loving wife. I'm the dad to a gorgeous daughter who fills my day with energy and joy. I'm also living my dream in New York City and have little to agitate me outside of cliché #FirstWorldProblems. But I have a confession to make: I've suffered with anxiety and depression for years. About one in eight men men is diagnosed with mental health disorders like depression and anxiety. I’d wager a good portion are under the stress of trying to be awesome dads and pretty terrific partners. Still others are playing up to the macho business man stereotype or rugged, work-with-your-hands paragons. And sure, society tells us that to be an awesome dad, we really only have to strive to be better than a babbling moron in a sitcom. But for those of us who want to go above and beyond this narrative and actually become a meaningful person in the lives of our kids and families—not to mention the community—this can be an immense burden. You see, there’s this thing about admitting to the emotional toll that comes from stress, anxiety, and depression: Men simply don’t do it. We’ve been taught to suck it up and be men. The toxic culture of over-leveled testosterone and road-rage-like intensity of masculinity tells us that a man who seeks help and can’t battle his own demons is a coward. A crybaby. A failure. That was my story. Read on at earlytorise.com: How to conquer the demons of anxiety and depression... | 