Good Morning, Do! Today is Tuesday, March 22 Today in March 22 in 1991, Pamela Smart, a high school teacher, was found guilty in New Hampshire of manipulating her student-lover to kill her husband. ___________________________________________________ Bonehead Award 2 arrested for robbing pregnant woman at Clovis gas station ___________________________________________________ Nobody talks so constantly about God as those who insist that there is no God. --- Heywood Broun (1888 - 1939) "Associate yourself with men of good quality if you esteem your own reputation. It is better be alone than in bad company." --- George Washington ___________________________________________________ After spending 3-1/2 hours enduring the long lines, surly clerks and insane regulations at the department of motor vehicles, a lady stopped at a toy store to pick up a gift for her son. She brought her selection - a baseball bat to the cash register. "Cash or charge," the clerk asked. "Cash," she snapped. Then apologizing for her rudeness, she explained, " I've spent the afternoon at the motor-vehicle bureau. I am not too sane right now!!" "Shall I gift -wrap the bat?" the clerk asked sweetly, "Or or you going back?" ---------- Here they privatized vehicle registration. It is more expensive now, but the ladies there are friendlier. ___________________________________________________ If you can spare a coin, PLEASE hit PayPal with it! ___________________________________________________ It's time to do my bi-annual rant about auto-responders. Every now and then some smooth-talking moron manages to persuade otherwise quite reasonable people to use auto-responders to embarrass themselves. If YOU are one of those, stop and think for a bit, before you have lost all your friends. What does an auto-responder accomplish ? 1) Everybody puts your address into their spam filters, because they are not interested in the silly drivel of your auto-responder. 2) People forget that now all mail from you automatically goes into the garbage, and they don't believe you when you tell them that you answered their mail. NOTHING else EVER gets accomplished by a personal auto-responder. Commercial auto-responders that reply with up-to-the-minute fresh road reports, or the weather, or inventory of daily specials if you write to a certain address, those are useful, because they supply information that you requested. However, does anybody really need to know that Dingbat's computer admits that it has received the mail that you sent her (since you sent the mail to HER and not the Easter Bunny, you more or less expected that anyway), and that Dingbat is too lazy or too drunk to answer you right now. Well, you expected that too, so why repeat the never changing obvious facts ? If you have an auto-responder, do yourself and your friends a favor and get rid of it. NOW! Then get yourself a new address and get re-aquainted with your former friends who thought you had died when all your mail got filtered into the garbage without anybody ever seeing it. ____________________________________________________ Tom was being evaluated for mental problems and was asked by the doctor, "If a train was coming down the hallway toward you, what would you do?" Tom replied, "I would get in my helicopter and fly away!" The doctor then asked, "Where did you get a helicopter from?" Tom replied, "The same place you got your train!" ___________________________________________________ If you can spare a coin, PLEASE hit PayPal with it! ___________________________________________________ Kathy wasn't impressed with his culinary skills, however. She looked disdainfully at the tray, and snorted, "A poached egg? I wanted scrambled!" Undaunted, the next morning, Anthony brought her a scrambled egg. Kathy wasn't having any of it. "Why can't I have some variety? I wanted poached this morning!" Determined to please Kathy, the next morning he brought her two eggs - one scrambled and one poached. "Here, my love... enjoy!" Kathy was furious, "You Bozo, you scrambled the wrong egg!" ____________________________________________________ Santisouk Photography Great Grey Owl coming for a landing after an unsuccessful hunt... we noticed the snow was too hard for him/her to go through... But rest assured, she/he was successful on another try in the grass. (SW of Calgary - March 19, 2022) ___________________________________________________ Official sign near door: Door Alarmed. Handprinted sign nearby: Window frightened. ____________________________________________________ Patient: "Nurse, during my operation I heard the surgeon use a four-letter word that upset me very much." Nurse: "What word was that?" Patient: "Oops!" ____________________________________________________ Reported by Rock An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD has been earned by Jose Garcia, 43, Joey Tyler, 41, Clovis, California, USA 2 arrested for robbing pregnant woman at Clovis gas station Clovis police have arrested two men accused of robbing a pregnant woman last week. On March 18, police say the woman reported that her purse was stolen after being kicked in the stomach at a Shell gas station at the intersection of Willow and Nees. Police were able to use a camera to find the suspect's car and discovered that the car had been stolen. They also found that the woman's credit cards were being used shortly after the robbery. Authorities arrested 43-year-old Jose Garcia and 41-year-old Joey Tyler in connection to the crime. Detectives say Tyler still had the stolen car and one of the woman's credit cards when he was arrested. Both were booked in the Fresno County Jail for robbery, assault with a deadly weapon and conspiracy. Tyler was also booked for the stolen car and for violating parole in connection to an armed robbery in 2013. The woman and the unborn baby were treated at a hospital and are now recovering. ____________________________________________________ If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can! ______________________________________________________ DearWebby's Tech Support Pits From: Yolanda Re: Action Required Spam Dear Webby, I keep getting spam from some sheetheads, claiming my mail box is almost full. They forge my own address as the sender, so it is pointless to reply to tell them to go to hell. Since I have a 30 year old habit of sending brief messages to myself, instead of plastering Post-It notes onto all walls and windows and doors, I need an email based solution. The Aff-holes are probably in Ghana or Russia, so I am not likely to carry my marble rolling pin over there. I am sure, though, that you have a better solution! What is it? Thank You! Yolanda Dear Yolanda Have not seen you for ages! Just make a filter! With MailWasher we had tricky filters for almost 3 dozen years. For example IF the sender is {your address} but the subject line does not have ~~ then dump the mail, automatically, without listing it. Then just get into the habit of putting two Tildes ~~ at the begin of the subject line, to tell Mailwasher that the message is one of your online post-it notes. I have used that trick since the mid 90's. It has never let me down. Have FUN! DearWebby ______________________________________________________ If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can! __________________________________________ 4 year old Zachary came screaming out of the bathroom to tell his mom that he had dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. So she fished it out and threw it in the garbage. Zachary stood there thinking for a moment, then ran to moms bathroom and came out with her toothbrush. He held it up and said with a charming little smile, "We better throw this one out too then, 'cause it fell in the toilet last week." | If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can! | If you like my work,
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_____________________________________________ Teacher: If your father earned $100.00 and gave half to your mother, what would she have? Little Johnny: A heart attack! ______________________________________________ News Item: An Oregon State University animal rights activist denounces vegetarianism because mice, moles and rabbits are often killed in the preparation of farmland to grow vegetables. You might want to stop eating until the dogooders sort this out. ______________________________________________ | Ophelia Dingbatter's NewsNo sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double opt-in confirmation request. |
An American tourist in Tel Aviv was about to enter the impressive Mann Auditorium to take in a concert by the Israel Philharmonic. He was admiring the unique architecture, the sweeping lines of the entrance, and the modern decor throughout the building. Finally, he turned to his escort and asked if the building was named for Thomas Mann, the world-famous author. "No," his friend said, "it's named for Fredric Mann, from Philadelphia." "Really? I never heard of him. What did he write?" "A check." ___________________________________________________ | Today, March 22, in 1457, Gutenberg Bible became the first printed book. 1622, Indians attacked a group of colonists in the James River area of Virginia. 347 residents were killed. 1630, The first legislation to prohibit gambling was enacted. It was in Boston, MA. 1638, Anne Hutchinson, a religious dissident, was expelled from the Massachusetts Bay Colony. 1719, Frederick William abolished serfdom on crown property in Prussia. 1733, Joseph Priestly invented carbonated water (seltzer). 1765, The Stamp Act was passed. It was the first direct British tax on the American colonists. It was repealed on March 17, 1766. 1775, Edmund Burke presented his 13 articles to the English parliament. 1790, Thomas Jefferson became the first U.S. Secretary of State. 1794, The U.S. Congress banned U.S.vessels from supplying slaves to other countries. 1822, New York Horticultural Society was founded. 1841, Englishman Orlando Jones patented cornstarch. 1871, William Holden of North Carolina became the first governor to be removed by impeachment. 1872, Illinois became the first state to require sexual equality in employment. 1873, Slavery was abolished in Puerto Rico. 1874, The Young Men's Hebrew Association was organized in New York City. 1882, The U.S. Congress outlawed polygamy. 1888, The English Football League was established. 1894, The first playoff competition for the Stanley Cup began. Montreal played Ottawa. 1895, Auguste and Louis Lumiere showed their first movie to an invited audience in Paris. 1901, Japan proclaimed that it was determined to keep Russia from encroaching on Korea. 1902, Great Britain and Persia agreed to link Europe and India by telegraph. 1903, Niagara Falls ran out of water due to a drought. 1903, In Columbia, the region near Galera De Zamba was devastated by a volcanic eruption. 1904, The first color photograph was published in the London Daily Illustrated Mirror. 1905, Child miners in Britain received a maximum 8-hour workday. 1906, France lost the first ever rugby game ever played against Britain. 1907, Russian troops completed the evacuation of Manchuria in the face of advancing Japanese forces. 1907, In Paris, it was reported that male cab drivers dressed as women to attract riders. 1910, In Liberia, a telegraph cable linked Tenerife and Monrovia. 1911, Herman Jadlowker became the first opera singer to perform two major roles in the same day at the Metropolitan Opera House in New York City. 1915, A German zeppelin made a night raid on Paris railway stations. 1919, The first international airline service was inaugurated on a weekly schedule between Paris and Brussels. 1933, U.S. President Franklin D. Roosevelt signed a bill legalizing the sale and possession of beer and wine containing up to 3.2% alcohol. 1934, The first Masters golf championship began in Augusta, GA. 1935, In New York, blood tests were authorized as evidence in court cases. 1935, Persia was renamed Iran. 1941, The Grand Coulee Dam in Washington began operations. 1943, The Dutch workweek was extended to 54 hours. 1943, Obligatory work for woman ends in Belgium. 1945, The Arab League was formed with the adoption of a charter in Cairo, Egypt. 1946, The British granted Transjordan independence. 1946, The first U.S. built rocket to leave the earth's atmosphere reached a height of 50-miles. 1947, The Greek government imposed martial law in Laconia and southern Greece. 1948, The United States announced a land reform plan for Korea. 1948, "The Voice of Firestone" became the first commercial radio program to be carried simultaneously on both AM and FM radio stations. 1954, The first shopping mall opened in Southfield, Michigan. 1954, The London gold market reopened for the first time since 1939. 1960, A.L. Schawlow & C.H. Townes obtained a patent for the laser. It was the first patent for any laser. 1965, U.S. confirmed that its troops used chemical warfare against the Vietcong. 1972, The U.S. Senate passed the Equal Rights Amendment. It was not ratified by the states. 1974, The Viet Cong proposed a new truce with the U.S. and South Vietnam. The truce included general elections. 1977, Comedienne Lily Tomlin made her debut on Broadway in "Lily Tomlin on Stage" in New York. 1977, Indira Ghandi resigned as the prime minister of India. 1978, Karl Wallenda, of the Flying Wallendas, fell to his death while walking a cable strung between two hotels in San Juan, Puerto Rico. 1979, The National Hockey League (NHL) voted to accept 4 WHA teams, the Oilers, Jets, Nordiques & Whalers. 1980, People for Ethical Treatment of Animals (PETA) was founded by Ingrid Newkirk and Alex Pacheco. 1981, RCA put its Selectra Vision laser disc players on the market. 1981, A group of twelve Green Berets arrived in El Salvador. This brought the total number of advisors to fifty-four. 1981, The first Mongolian entered space aboard the Russian Soyuz 39. 1982, The Space Shuttle Columbia was launched into orbit on mission STS-3. It was the third orbital flight for the Columbia. 1987, A barge loaded with 32,000 tons of refuse left Islip, NY, to find a place to unload. After being refused by several states and three countries space was found back in Islip. 1988, The Congress overrode U.S. President Reagan's veto of a sweeping civil rights bill. 1989, Oliver North began two days of testimony at his Iran- Contra trial in Washington, DC. 1989, The U.S. House Ways and Means Committee reported the class gap was widening. 1990, A jury in Anchorage, Alaska, found Captain Hazelwood not guilty in the Valdez oil spill. 1991, Pamela Smart, a high school teacher, was found guilty in New Hampshire of manipulating her student-lover to kill her husband. 1992, A Fokker F-28 veered off a runway at New York's LaGuardia airport and into Flushing Bay, killing 27 people. 1993, Cleveland Indians pitchers Steve Olin and Tim Crews were killed in a boating accident in Florida. Bob Ojeda was seriously injured in the accident. 1993, Intel introduced the Pentium-processor (80586) 64 bits-60 MHz-100+ MIPS. 1995, Russian cosmonaut Valeri Polyakov returned to Earth after setting a record for 438 days in space. 1997, Tara Lipinski, at 14 years and 10 months, became the youngest women's world figure skating champion. 2002, A collection of letters and cards sent by Princess Diana of Wales sold for $33,000. The letters and cards were written to a former housekeeper at Diana's teenage home. 2017, In Jerusalem, the tomb of Jesus reopened after a restoration project. 2018, The New York Stock Exchange announced that their first woman head would be Stacey Cunningam. 2022 Do smiled. |
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