Good Morning, Do! Today is Saturday, April 2 Thank you, Micki! Today in April 2 in 1982, Argentina invaded the formerly Argentinian Falkland Islands. They had been stolen by Britain and were now British-owned. The following June Britain stole the islands again when they sunk Argenina's only cruiser. ___________________________________________________ Bonehead Award 190 lbs of marijuana confiscated ___________________________________________________ Paradise is exactly like where you are right now... only much, much better. --- Laurie Anderson "Consultants have credibility because they aren't dumb enough to work at your company." --- Scott Adams ___________________________________________________ Ethel is on a cruise ship and wanders up to the bar and asks for a scotch with two drops of water. As the bartender gives her the drink she says, "I'm on the cruise to celebrate my 80th birthday and it's today." The bartender says "Well, since it's your birthday, I'll buy you a drink. In fact, this one is on me." As Ethel finishes her drink, the woman to her right says, "I would like to buy you a drink, too." Ethel says, "Thank you. Bartender, I want a scotch with two drops of water. "Coming up," says the bartender. As she finishes her drink, the man to her left says, "I would like to buy you one, too." Again Ethel says, "Thank you. Bartender, I would like another scotch with two drops of water." "Comin' right up," the bartender says. As he gives her the drink he says, "Ma'am, I'm dying of curiosity. Why the Scotch with only two drops of water?" Ethel replied, "Sonny, when you're my age, you learn how to hold your liquor. Water, however, is a whole other issue." ____________________________________________________ A local minister had all of his remaining teeth pulled and new dentures made a few weeks ago. The first Sunday after that, his sermon lasted 10 minutes. The second Sunday, he preached only 20 minutes. But, on the third Sunday he preached for an hour and a half. I asked him about this. He then told me "Well, that first Sunday, my gums were so sore it hurt to talk. The second Sunday, my dentures were still hurting a lot. But the third Sunday, I accidentally grabbed my wife's dentures and I couldn't stop talking!" ___________________________________________________ If you can spare a coin, PLEASE hit PayPal with it! ___________________________________________________ A psychologist is a man who watches everyone else when a beautiful girl enters the room. A professor is one who talks in someone else's sleep. ____________________________________________________ Female Mountain Bluebird ___________________________________________________ In primitive society, when native tribes dressed up in mismatched colors that hurt the eyes, beat the ground with clubs in an embarrassing manner, and yelled and screamed in ways that hurt the ears, it was called witchcraft; today, it is called golf. ____________________________________________________ Q: What is the most common pregnancy craving? A: For men to be the ones who get pregnant. ___________________________________________________ Reported by Rock An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD has been earned by Yunqing Wang, 31, PANAMA CITY, Florida, USA More than 190 pounds of marijuana confiscated in Panama City Police say about $1.5 million worth of marijuana was confiscated after a plan to send it through the mail was intercepted. Panama City Police say in late January, they responded to the UPS store on 23rd Street. Employees reported three large boxes smelled like marijuana. Police say a K9 also alerted to the presence of marijuana. The departments Street Crimes Unit began investigating the next day. They say during the investigation, they stopped a passenger van witnesses said tried to pick up the large boxes from the day before. Officers say during the stop, they could smell marijuana. Officers say the driver of the van gave them a fake Pennsylvania drivers license. During a probable cause search of the van, they say they found four more boxes in the back seat with marijuana in a similar manner. Yunqing Wang is charged with trafficking in marijuana, possessing a counterfeit drivers license, providing a false ID to a law enforcement officer, and possession of narcotic equipment.(Bay County Sheriff's Office) The driver was identified as Yunqing Wang, 31. They say in total, seven large packages were sent to Wang, with more than 190 pounds of marijuana inside. He is charged with trafficking in marijuana, possessing a counterfeit drivers license, providing a false ID to a law enforcement officer, and possession of narcotic equipment. Investigators said with the number of dispensaries in the area, it creates a unique problem. Obviously the people that go out and obtain Marijuana the legal way, we want to support their right and encourage them to do it the legal way. At the same time, individuals that are out here selling marijuana at the street level, majority of the time those individuals are armed. That leads to violent encounters. Those are the individuals were targeting and trying to take off the street, Panama City Police Corporal Kristian Shaw said. ____________________________________________________ If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can! ______________________________________________________ DearWebby's Tech Support Pits From: Me RE: Dihydrogen Monoxide Dear Webby April Fools joke! Dear Yes, Dihydrogen Monoxide ( H2O ) is just water. Have FUN! DearWebby ______________________________________________________ If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can! __________________________________________ A man was sitting at a bar enjoying an after-work cocktail when an exceptionally gorgeous & sexy young woman entered. She was so striking that the man could not take his eyes away from her. The young woman noticed his overly-attentive stare and walked directly toward him. Before he could offer his apologies for being so rude, the young woman said to him, "I'll do anything, absolutely anything, that you want me to do, no matter how kinky, for $100 on one condition." Flabbergasted, the man asked what the condition was. The young woman replied, "You have to tell me what you want me to do in just three words." The man considered her proposition for a moment, withdrew his wallet from his pocket and slowly counted out five $20 bills, which he pressed into the young woman's hand. He looked deeply into her eyes and slowly, meaningfully said, "Paint my house." ------------- If she is THAT cute, then I would offer her the same deal! | If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can! | If you like my work,
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_____________________________________________ Jill heard her husband come back into the house not too long after he had left. She said, "Hon, I thought you were going to your lodge meeting." "It was postponed." he replied. "The wife of the Grand Exalted Invincible Supreme Potentate won't let him attend until he finishes doing the laundry." ______________________________________________ NOTICE: if you use an auto-responder or have used one, then ALL mail from that address is blocked by the spam- filter. If you want your mail to be read, please use a new address. ______________________________________________ | Ophelia Dingbatter's NewsNo sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double opt-in confirmation request. |
One evening after dinner, Do noticed that his mother had gone out and asked, "Where did mommy go?" Dad answered, "Mommy is at a Tupperware party." This explanation satisfied for only a moment. Puzzled, Do asked, "What's a Tupperware party, Dad?" Do's father had always given honest answers, so he figured a simple explanation would be the best approach. "Well," he said, "at a Tupperware party, a bunch of ladies sit around, all talk at the same time and sell plastic bowls to each other." Do burst into laughter. "Come on, Dad," said. "I'm not THAT silly. Mom always says that Tupperware is the cheapest at Walmart! What are they really doing?" ___________________________________________________ | Today, April 2, in 1513, Spanish explorer Juan Ponce de Leon sighted Florida. The next day he went ashore. 1792, The U.S. Congress passed the Coinage Act to regulate the coins of the United States. The act authorized $10 Eagles, $5 Half Eagles, $2.50 Quarter Eagle gold coins, silver dollars, dollars, quarters, dimes and half-dimes to be minted. 1801, During the Napoleonic Wars, the Danish fleet was destroyed by the British at the Battle of Copenhagen. 1860, The first Italian Parliament met in Turin. 1865, Confederate President Davis and most of his Cabinet fled the Confederate capital of Richmond, VA. 1872, G.B. Brayton received a patent for the gas-powered streetcar. 1877, The first Egg Roll was held on the grounds of the White House in Washington, DC. 1889, Charles Hall patented aluminum. 1902, The first motion picture theatre opened in Los Angeles with the name Electric Theatre. 1905, The Simplon rail tunnel officially opened. The tunnel went under the Alps and linked Switzerland and Italy. 1910, Karl Harris perfected the process for the artificial synthesis of rubber. 1914, The U.S. Federal Reserve Board announced plans to divide the country into 12 districts. 1917, U.S. President Woodrow Wilson presented a declaration of war against Germany to the U.S. Congress. 1932, A $50,000 ransom was paid for the infant son of Charles and Anna Lindbergh. The child was not returned and was found dead the next month. 1935, Sir Watson-Watt was granted a patent for RADAR. 1944, The Soviet Union announced that its troops had crossed the Prut River and entered Romania. 1947, The U.N. Security Council voted to appoint the U.S. as trustee for former Japanese-held Pacific Islands. 1951, U.S. General Dwight Eisenhower assumed command of all allied forces in the Western Mediterranean area and Europe. 1958, The National Advisory Council on Aeronautics was renamed NASA. 1960, France signed an agreement with Madagascar that proclaimed the country an independent state within the French community. 1963, Reverend Dr. Martin Luther King began the first non- violent campaign in Birmingham, AL. 1966, South Vietnamese troops joined in demonstrations at Hue and Da Nang for an end to military rule. 1967, In Peking, hundreds of thousands demonstrated against Mao foe Liu Shao-chi. 1972, Burt Reynolds appeared nude in "Cosmopolitan" magazine. 1981, In Lebanon, thirty-seven people were reported killed during fighting in the cities of Beirut and Zahle. It was the worst violence since the 1976 cease fire. 1982, Argentina invaded the formerly Argentinian Falkland Islands. They had been stolen by Britain and were now British-owned. The following June Britain took the islands back when they sunk Argenina's only cruiser. 1983, The New Jersey Transit strike that began on March 1 came to an end. 1984, In Jerusalem, three Arab gunmen wounded 48 people when they opened fire into a crowd of shoppers. 1986, On a TWA airliner flying from Rome to Athens a bomb exploded under a seat killing four Americans. 1987, The speed limit on U.S. interstate highways was increased to 65 miles per hour in limited areas. 1988, U.S. Special Prosecutor James McKay declined to indict Attorney General Edwin Meese for criminal wrongdoing. 1989, An editorial in the "New York Times" declared that the Cold War was over. 1989, General Prosper Avril, Haiti's military leader, survived a coup attempt. The attempt was apparently provoked by Avril's U.S.-backed efforts to fight drug trafficking. 1990, Iraqi President Saddam Hussein threatened to incinerate half of Israel with chemical weapons if Israel joined a conspiracy against Iraq. 1992, Mob boss John Gotti was convicted in New York of murder and racketeering. He was later sentenced to life in prison. 1996, Russia and Belarus signed a treaty that created a political and economic alliance in an effort to reunite the two former Soviet republics. 1996, Lech Walesa resumed his old job as an electrician at the Gdansk shipyard. He was the former Solidarity union leader who became Poland's first post-war democratic president. 2002, Israeli troops surrounded the Church of the Nativity. More than 200 Palestinians had taken refuge at the church when Israel invaded Bethlehem. 2013, The United Nations General Assembly adopted the Arms Trade Treaty to regulate the international trade of conventional weapons. 2014, The U.S. Supreme Court ruled that limits on the total amount of money individuals can give political candidates and political action committees were unconstitutional. 2022 Do smiled. |
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