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___________________________________________________ History: on this day, February 20, in 1815, The USS Constitution, under Captain Charles Stewart fought the British ships Cyane and Levant. The Constitution captures both, but lost the Levant after encountering a British squadron. The Constitution and the Cyane returned to New York safely on May 15, 1815. The Cyane was purchased and became the USS Cyane. ____________________________________________________ Bonehead Award: Suspect, 18, charged with murder in Temple University officer's shooting death __________________________________________________ Q Idleness is not doing nothing. Idleness is being free to do anything. --- [note]Floyd Dell If women didn't exist, all the money in the world would have no meaning. --- Aristotle Onassis ________________________________________________ FATHER: "When you go back to your Mom's tonight, give her this envelope. tell her that since you are now 18 this is the LAST check she'll ever see from me for child support. Then, stand back and watch the expression her face." DAUGHTER: "OK" ....Later.... DAUGHTER: "Mom, Dad asked me to give you this envelope. He said to tell you that since I'm now 18 this is the LAST child support payment he'll ever have to make to you. Now I'm supposed to stand back and watch the expression on your face." MOTHER: "Next time you visit your father tell him that after 18 years I have decided to inform him that he's not your father. Then, stand back and watch the expression on HIS face." __________________________________________________ You just might be a redneck, If you find more cars than you expected, when you mow the grass. __________________________________________________ _________________________________________________ The demanding woman was busy giving the patient clerk a difficult time. Nothing that what the clerk produced was exactly what the woman wanted, in a fit of exasperation, the pernickety woman said in annoyance, "Isn't there a smarter clerk to serve me?" "No," said the clerk. "When the smarter clerk saw you coming, he ran and took an early lunch!" ________________________________________________ Thou shalt not weigh more than thy refrigerator. (I guess that's why Pat stores her spare batteries in her fridge) ____________________________________________________ Mountain Lion ___________________________________________________ When the surgeon came to see Rita on the day after her operation, she asked him somewhat hesitantly just how long it would be before she could resume her sex life. "Uh, I hadn't really thought about it" replied the stunned surgeon. "You're the first one ever to ask that after a nose job." ___________________________________________________ It was testimony night in the church. A lady got up and said, "We are living in a wicked land where sin is on every hand. I have had a terrible fight with the old devil all week." Whereupon her husband, who was sitting glumly by her side said, "It's not all the devil's fault; she's not that easy to get along with either on some days." __________________________________________________ An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD has been earned by Miles Pfeffer, 18, Philadelphia, USA Suspect, 18, charged with murder in Temple University officer's shooting death An 18-year-old suspect will be charged with murder in the tragic shooting that killed a Temple University police officer in the line of duty near the school's campus Saturday night, according to the District Attorney's Office. Police say the officer was trying to intervene in a carjacking in the area of 18th Street and Montgomery Avenue in North Philadelphia when he was shot. He later died at Temple University Hospital. The deceased officer has been named as Chris Fitzgerald by local authorities and Temple University. The husband and father had been with the university's police force since October 4, 2021. The suspect, identified by authorities as 18-year-old Miles Pfeffer, was arrested on the 2300 block of Quarry Road in Bucks County around 7 a.m. Sunday. Pfeffer was transported to Philadelphia Police headquarters where he is awaiting several charges, including murder of a law enforcement officer, robbery and carjacking, according to the DA's office. According to a probable cause affidavit obtained by FOX 29, the suspect was seen in video surveillance firing a handgun at the officer after a foot pursuit and brief struggle. When Officer Fitzgerald falls to the ground, the suspect "stands over him and fires several more shots into the face and head area." Authorities say the suspect tried to steal the officer's gun and a vehicle after the deadly shooting. He is reportedly heard saying, "Give me the keys, or Ill kill you," before stealing a car and fleeing during video described in the affidavit. The affidavit goes on to say that the suspect was later picked up by his mother at 29th Street and Ridge Avenue, and driven their home in Bucks County where he was taken into custody. He was also reportedly identified by his brother, who the affidavit claims was with the Pfeffer when Officer Fitzgerald initially tried to stop him. ____________________________________________________ Two nuns are ordered to paint a room in the convent, and the last instruction of the Mother Superior is that they must not get even a drop of paint on their clothes. After conferring about this for a while, the two nuns decide to lock the door of the room, strip off their clothes, and paint in the nude. In the middle of the project, there comes a knock at the door. "Who is it?", calls one of the women. "Blind man," replies a voice from the other side of the door. The two women look at each other and shrug, and, deciding that no harm can come from letting a blind man into the room, they open the door. "Wow," says the man, "nice to see you! Where do you want these venetian blinds?" _____________________________________________________ Linda and Jill are having coffee when Linda notices that Jill seems troubled and asks her, "Is something bugging you? You look anxious." "Well, my boyfriend just lost all his money and life savings in the stock market," Jill explained. "Oh, that's too bad," Linda sympathized. "I'm sure you're feeling sorry for him." "Yeah, I am," Jill said. "He'll miss me." _________________________________________________ DearWebby's Tech Support Pits from: Janice Re: Batteries Dear Webby Your Humour letter always cheers me, no matter the mood before. Thank you!!! Even though you have had a great tragedy. My condolences to you. I have a noncomputer question that has puzzled me for a long long time. Since car batteries die in the extreme cold, why don't the little batteries (ie A, AA, AAA, B, C, D, etc.) die in the refrigerator? I have heard that they even rejuvenate in the fridge or freezer. Can this be? You stated you take the cap lock off your keyboards? Does that harm anything? Mine has been dealing me fits lately! (Sexy) Janice Dear Sexy Janice Fully charged car batteries are just fine in extreme cold. Extremely cold car engines are hard to start and often drain the battery, before the engine starts. At -45 it is a good idea to restart the engine every 4 hours, so that it does not get too cold. Dry cell or Alcaliine Batteries are a different story. They age and slowly deteriorate sitting on a warm shelf. They deteriorate not quite as fast while in a fridge. It does not really rejuvenate them, just slows down their aging. Prying the CAPS LOCK key off the keyboard and gluing it onto the coin operated COPY machine at Walmart will NOT hurt your computer, but will reduce your cussing quite significantly. Have FUN! DearWebby _____________________________________________________ Today, February 20 in 1673, The first recorded wine auction took place in London. 1792, U.S. President George Washington signed the Postal Service Act that created the U.S. Post Office. 1809, The U.S. Supreme Court ruled the power of the federal government was greater than that of any individual state. 1815, The USS Constitution, under Captain Charles Stewart fought the British ships Cyane and Levant. The Constitution captures both, but lost the Levant after encountering a British squadron. The Constitution and the Cyane returned to New York safely on May 15, 1815. The Cyane was purchased and became the USS Cyane. 1839, The U.S. Congress prohibited dueling in the District of Columbia. 1872, Luther Crowell received a patent for a machine that manufactured paper bags. 1872, Silas Noble and J.P. Cooley patented the toothpick manufacturing machine. 1901, The first territorial legislature of Hawaii convened. 1921, The motion picture "The Four Horsemen of the Apocalypse" was released starring Rudolph Valentino. 1931, The U.S. Congress allowed California to build the Oakland Bay Bridge. 1933, The U.S. House of Representatives completed congressional action on the amendment to repeal Prohibition. 1944, "Big Week" began as U.S. bombers began raiding German aircraft manufacturing centers during World War II. 1962, John Glenn made space history when he orbited the world three times in 4 hours, 55 minutes. He was the first American to orbit the Earth. He was aboard the Friendship 7 Mercury capsule. Glenn witnessed the Devil's Cigarette Lighter while in flight. 1965, Ranger 8 crashed on the moon after sending back thousands of pictures of its surface. 1987, A bomb exploded in a computer store in Salt Lake City, UT. The blast was blamed on the Unabomber. 1993, Two ten-year-old boys were charged by police in Liverpool, England, in the abduction and death of a toddler. The two boys were later convicted. 1998, American Tara Lipinski, at age 15, became the youngest gold medalist in winter Olympics history when she won the ladies' figure skating title at Nagano, Japan. 2001, FBI Agent Robert Phillip Hanssen was arrested and charged with spying for the Russians for 15 years. 2002, In Reqa Al-Gharbiya, Egypt, a fire raced through a train killing at least 370 people and injuring at least 65. 2003, In West Warwick, RI, 100 people were killed and more than 230 were injured when fire destroyed the nightclub The Station. The fire started with sparks from a pyrotechnic display being used by Jack Russel's Great White. Ty Longley, guitarist for the band, was one of the victims in the fire. 2008, The U.S. Navy destroyed an inoperable spy satellite with a missile from the USS Lake Erie. 2022 Do smiled. https://www.cloudwards.net/how-to-uninstall-microsoft- edge/
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