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___________________________________________________ History: on this day, November 21, in 2002, NATO invited Latvia, Estonia, Lithuania, Bulgaria, Romania, Slovakia and Slovenia to become members. ____________________________________________________ Bonehed Award: California driver accused of hitting 25 law recruits was released from jail _____________________________________________________ Q Technology is dominated by two types of people: those who understand what they do not manage, and those who manage what they do not understand. --- Putt's Law Those who flee temptation generally leave a forwarding address. --- Lane Olinghouse ____________________________________________________ Miss Jones had been giving her second-grade students a lesson on science. She had explained about magnets and showed how they would pick up nails and other bits of iron. Now it was question time and she asked, "My name begins with the letter 'M' and I pick up things. What am I?" A little boy on the front row said, "You're a mother." __________________________________________________ The tourist wandered into a gourmet food shop in Beverly Hills. He picked out two apples and a pear. "That will be $8.00," the store owner said. The tourist gave him a ten dollar bill and walked away. "Wait! Don't you want your change?" "Forget it. I stepped on a grape on my way in." __________________________________________________ Reported by Rock: An International Bonehead Award has been earned by Nicholas Joseph Gutierrez, 22, WHITTIER, California, USA California driver accused of hitting 25 law recruits was released from jail WHITTIER, Calif. - The saga involving the 22-year-old driver accused of plowing into 25 law enforcement recruits from various agencies across Los Angeles County with a Honda CR-V while driving the wrong way in Whittier continues to take bizarre turns. The Los Angeles County Sheriff's Department confirmed Nicholas Joseph Gutierrez is back on the streets after being released from custody just before 10 p.m. Thursday. The announcement comes hours after Gutierrez was taken into custody and arrested for the attempted murder of peace officer(s) and may have been under the influence of a recreational drug when the crash occurred. Jail records cite a California law that authorizes police to release someone from custody without first being arraigned if there are insufficient grounds to make a complaint. Therefore, investigators are not legally allowed to hold a suspect for more than 48 hours without presenting a case to the District Attorney's office. According to LA County Sheriff Alex Villanueva, the investigations left authorities believing that the crash was intentional. "They did a thorough investigation. They interviewed dozens and dozens of witnesses and victims," Villanueva said, regarding the crash believed to be done intentionally. "That was the conclusion." "The fact that he accelerated towards the group, that's what the group was saying, no effort in breaking, not even on first contact a reaction, there was no skid marks, nothing. His statements after he showed no regret or remote o arno normal reaction of human being," stated Villanueva. In spite of Villanueva's conclusion, LASD who is working with the California Highway Patrol on the investigations said the "extreme complexity" of the investigation left authorities needing to get more evidence, thus releasing the 22-year-old suspect. Gutierrez, who lives in Diamond Bar, may face additional charges and was scheduled to appear in court on Friday. The California Highway Patrol said the collision was reported at 6:25 a.m. Wednesday near the intersection of Mills Avenue and Telegraph Road. CHP Capt. Charlie Sampson said the driver was going southbound on Mills Avenue when he veered into the opposing lanes and struck the victims going northbound while out on a morning training run. The members of Academy Class 464 attend the Sheriffs Training Academy and Regional Services (STARS) Center located in the 11500 block of Colima Road, roughly a mile and a half from the crash site. Gutierrez suffered minor injuries in the horrific collision and was hospitalized. He underwent a sobriety test at the scene and Villanueva later confirmed he passed the breathalyzer test. Toxicology reports could take weeks to come in. The sheriff did confirm marijuana was found in the car. ___________________________________________________ Korban Schwab, Nov 18, 2022 South of Calgary ___________________________________________________ >From Kathy I had been teaching my seventh-graders about World War II, and a test question was, "What was the largest amphibious assault of all time?" Expecting to see "the D-Day invasion" as the answer, I found instead on one paper, "Moses and the plague of frogs." ___________________________________________________ If you can spare a coin, PLEASE hit PayPal with it! ___________________________________________________ _________________________________________________ >Ross sent tis one One day a florist goes to a barber for a haircut. After the cut he asked about his bill and the barber replies: "I'm sorry, I cannot accept money from you; I'm doing community service this week" The florist is pleased and leaves the shop. Next morning when the barber goes to open there is a thank you card and a dozen roses waiting for him at his door. Later, a cop comes in for a haircut, and when he goes to pay his bill the barber again replies: "I'm sorry, I cannot accept money; I'm doing community service this week." The cop is happy and leaves the shop. Next morning when the barber goes to open up there is a thank you card and a dozen donuts waiting for him at his door. Later a Republican comes in for a haircut, and when he goes to pay his bill the barber again replies: "I'm sorry, I cannot accept money from you; I'm doing community service this week." The Republican is very happy and leaves the shop Next morning when the barber goes to open; there is a thank you card and a dozen different books such as "How to improve your business and becoming more successful". Then a Democrat comes in for a haircut, and when he goes to pay his bill the barber again replies: "I'm sorry, I cannot accept money from you; I'm doing community service this week." The Democrat is very happy and leaves the shop. The next morning when the barber goes to open up, there are a dozen Democrats lined up waiting for a free haircut. ____________________________________________________ A van carrying a dozen movie stunt men on the way to a film location in the mountains spun out of control on the icy road, crashed through a guardrail, rolled down a 90-foot embankment, turned over, and burst into flames. There were no injuries. _______________________________________________ Years ago while attending a dinner party hosted by some friends of mine the hostess served a meal with this delicious mushroom sauce. After the meal there was a small amount left over and the hostess decided to allow her pregnant cat to enjoy the treat as well as the guests. The guests all felt it was a great gesture and showed the cat was a member of the family. The sauce was the highlight of the evenings topic of conversation, everyone commented on how delicious it was, and the hostess beamed at all the compliments. One of the guest commented that toadstools were much like mushrooms except for being toxic, and how funny it would be is such a culinary treat were made from that instead. As if on cue, the pet cat started crying and squirming on the floor, clutching its belly. The hostess exclaimed, "Oh my God, it's the mushroom sauce!" We all went to the emergency room in a mad rush, and had our stomachs pumped after telling them we had eaten poisonous mushrooms. This was an extremely unpleasant experience. We we got back, the cat was lying on the floor peacefully looking up at us, and had in the meantime given birth to six kittens. __________________________________________________ If you can spare a coin, PLEASE hit PayPal with it! ___________________________________________________ Fanaticism consists in redoubling your effort when you have forgotten your aim. --- George Santayana (1863 - 1952) "Do not go where the path may lead, go instead where there is no path and leave a trail." --- Ralph Waldo Emerson (1803-1882) I sure did! ____________________________________________________ A lady was driving from her husband's office to the kids' school, with twelve youngsters in the car, when she blew past a red light, and a police car. Much to the delight of the kids, the police officer pulled her over, wrote her a ticket, lectured her on traffic safety, and finished by saying, "Lady, don't you know when to stop?" Tomato red in the cheeks, the embarrassed woman said, "Officer, only seven of them are mine!" ____________________________________________________ On an Athi River highway: TAKE NOTICE: WHEN THIS SIGN IS UNDER WATER, THIS ROAD IS IMPASSABLE. (Yes, I remember that one and quite a few similar ones in Arizona) In a Vancouver, BC restaurant: OPEN SEVEN DAYS A WEEK AND WEEKENDS. ____________________________________________________ Kestrel ___________________________________________________ Thanks to Roland for this old favorite: Subject: The Blonde Cook Book Blonde Cook Book MONDAY: It's fun to cook for Bob. Today I made angel food cake. The recipe said beat 12 eggs separately. The neighbors were nice enough to loan me some extra bowls. TUESDAY: Bob wanted fruit salad for supper. The recipe said serve without dressing. So I didn't dress. What a surprise when Bob brought a friend home for supper. WEDNESDAY: A good day for rice. The recipe said wash thoroughly before steaming the rice. It seemed kinda of silly but I took a bath. I can't say it improved the rice any. THURSDAY: Today Bob asked for salad again. I tried a new recipe. It said prepare ingredients, then toss on a bed of lettuce one hour before serving. Which is what led up to Bob asking me why I was rolling around in the garden. FRIDAY: I found an easy recipe for cookies. It said put all ingredients in bowl and beat it. There must have been something wrong with this recipe. When I got back, everything was the same as when I left. SATURDAY: Bob did the shopping today and brought home a chicken. He asked me to dress it for Sunday (oh boy). For some reason Bob keeps counting to ten. SUNDAY: Bob's folks came to dinner. I wanted to serve roast. All I could find was hamburger. Suddenly I had a flash of genius. I put the hamburger in the oven and set the controls for roast. It still came out hamburger, much to my disappointment. GOOD NIGHT DEAR DIARY. This has been a very exciting week. I am eager for tomorrow to come so I can try out a new recipe on Bob. If we could just get a bigger oven, I would like to surprise him with Chocolate Moose. __________________________________________________ DearWebby's Tech Support Pits From:Martha F. Re: Back-Ups Dear Webby we had all the computers at work stolen in a break- in. We had no security system, because "Who would steal those old klunkers?" and we had no backups, because "Those old machines are still pretty good". The insurance will, eventually, pay the CURRENT value of those old klunkers, but because we had no backups, they won't pay a penny for data loss or to pay for punching it all back ito computers. As you can imagine, some people got yelled at and the manager got fired. Now I am filling in until a permanent one is hired. What is the best back-up method ? Thanks Martha F. Dear Martha The best back-up method is the one that is used daily. With portable USB harddrives, the biggest nuisance is that they have to be carried to a safe place far away from work. After all, if you have a fire, the ashes from back-up media are rather useless. Among portable media the best one is the portable USB harddrive. You can get a 1 TB portable about the size of a pack of cigarettes. They are very sturdy and you can just throw one into a briefcase, purse, or glove box in your vehicle when you go home. The only method better than that is proper off-site back-ups to your web domain. That is as easy as copying your data files into a different folder, and no matter what happens to your building, the data is safely stashed in a secure place on the web, and as long as you remember the password, the data can be downloaded into new computers in a few minutes. The don't as even better is a small locket containet a whole locket of a whole of your cat or dog. Nobody will steal thas thealous Have FUN DearWebby _____________________________________________________ Some people are pessimists, they think the glass is half empty. Some people are optimists, they think the glass is half full. I am a realist, I know that sooner or later, I am going to have to wash that damned thing! _____________________________________________________ Ophelia Dingbatter's News no sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double opt- in confirmation request. ____________________________________________________ Today, November 21, in 1620, The Mayflower reached Provincetown, MA. The ship discharged the Pilgrims at Plymouth, MA, on December 26, 1620. 1694, French author and philosopher Jean Francois Voltaire was born. At age 65 he spent only three days writing "Candide." 1783, The first successful flight was made in a hot air balloon. The pilots, Francois Pilatre de Rosier and Francois Laurent, Marquis d'Arlandes, flew for 25 minutes and 5? miles over Paris. 1871, M.F. Galethe patented the cigar lighter. 1877, Thomas A. Edison announced the invention of his phonograph. 1922, Rebecca L. Felton of Georgia was sworn in as the first woman to serve as a member of the U.S. Senate. 1929, Spanish surrealist Salvador Dali had his first art exhibit. 1934, The New York Yankees purchased the contract of Joe DiMaggio from San Francisco of the Pacific Coast League. 1942, The Alaska Highway across Canada was formally opened. I remember when most outgouses along "The Highway" sported this ditty: "I don't know whether the lout, who sesigned this rout, was going to hell, or coming out." 1953, British Natural History Museum authorities announced that "Piltdown Man" was a hoax. 1962, U.S. President Kennedy terminated the quarantine measures against Cuba. 1963, U.S. President John F. Kennedy and his wife, Jacqueline, arrived in San Antonio, TX. They were beginning an ill-fated, two-day tour of Texas that would end in Dallas. 1973, U.S. President Richard M. Nixon's attorney, J. Fred Buzhardt, announced the presence of an 18?-minute gap in one of the White House tape recordings related to the Watergate case. 1979, The U.S. Embassy in Islamabad, Pakistan, was attacked by a mob that set the building afire and killed two Americans. 1980, 87 people died in a fire at the MGM Grand Hotel-Casino in Las Vegas, NV. 1985, Former U.S. Navy intelligence analyst Jonathan Jay Pollard was arrested after being accused of spying for Israel. He was later sentenced to life in prison. 1986, U.S. Attorney General Meese was asked to conduct an inquiry of the Iran arms sales. 1987, An eight-day siege began at a detention center in Oakdale, LA, as Cuban detainees seized the facility and took hostages. 1989, The proceedings of Britain's House of Commons were televised live for the first time. 1992, U.S. Senator Bob Packwood, issued an apology but refused to discuss allegations that he'd made unwelcome sexual advances toward 10 women in past years. 1993, The U.S. House of Representatives voted against making the District of Columbia the 51st state. 1994, NATO warplanes bombed an air base in Serb-held Croatia that was being used by Serb planes to raid the Bosnian "safe area" of Bihac. 1995, France detonated its fourth underground nuclear blast at a test site in the South Pacific. 1999, China announced that it had test-launched an unmanned space capsule that was designed for manned spaceflight. 2000, The Florida Supreme Court granted Al Gore's request to keep the presidential recounts going. 2001, Microsoft Corp. proposed giving $1 billion in computers, software, training and cash to more than 12,500 of the poorest schools in the U.S. The offer was intended as part of a deal to settle most of the company's private antitrust lawsuits. 2002, NATO invited Latvia, Estonia, Lithuania, Bulgaria, Romania, Slovakia and Slovenia to become members. 2022 Do smiled.
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