Good Morning, Do! Today is Thursday, June 16 ____________________________________________________ Bonehead Award 5 armed robberies in 5 hours: Fresno police arrest 3 young people for weekend crime spree ___________________________________________________ History on this day, June 15, in 1976, In Soweto, thousands of school children revolted against the South African government's plan to enforce Afrikaans as the language for instruction in black schools. ___________________________________________________ Invention is the mother of necessity. --- Thorstein Veblen (1857 - 1929) ___________________________________________________ The day I got married was really embarrassing. When the minister said, If anyone present doesn't agree with this marriage; speak now or forever hold your peace. I turned around and noticed her family had formed a double line, and they were carrying shotguns. ___________________________________________________ Susan was telling her boyfriend, Bill "According to archaeologists, for millions of years the Neanderthal man was not fully erect." And Bill's reply was, that's pretty easy to understand considering how ugly the Neanderthal women were! That is how he met Susan's frying pan. ___________________________________________________ >Reported by Rock An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD has been earned by Giselda Sampedro, Fresno, California, USA 5 armed robberies in 5 hours: Fresno police arrest 3 young people for weekend crime spree Police say the 18-year-old woman, Giselda Sampedro, acted as the getaway driver, while the two boys robbed the victims. Two boys and an 18-year-old woman drove around northeast Fresno, robbing people at gunpoint on Sunday, police say. In total, the three carried out five armed robberies within five hours, including in the Fashion Fair Mall parking lot, before they were arrested by officers. Their crime spree started at 3:30 in the afternoon and continued until 9 in the evening. But their second victim, the one at Fashion Fair, was able to get the license plate of their vehicle and a photo of them and their vehicle as they took off. That helped police track them down at Fresno Street and Gettysburg and identify them as the suspects. Sampedro has been booked into the Fresno County Jail and the two boys are booked in the Juvenile Justice Campus. They are all facing charges of robbery and conspiracy to commit robbery. Police also found two BB guns and some of the stolen property in their vehicle. ___________________________________________________ Darryl and Harold were in a mental institution. The place had an unusual annual contest, picking two of the best patients and giving them two questions. If they got them correct, they were deemed cured and free to go. Darryl was called into the doctor's office first and asked if he understood that he'd be free if he answered the questions correctly. Darryl said "yes" and the doctor proceeded. "Darryl, what would happen if I poked out one of your eyes?" Darryl said, "I'd be half blind." "That's correct. What if I poked out both eyes?" "I'd be completely blind." The doctor stood up, shook Darryl's hand, and told him he was free to go. On Darryl's way out, as the doctor filled out the paperwork, Darryl mentioned the exam to Harold, who was seated in the waiting room. He told him what questions were going to be asked and gave him the answers. So Harold went into the doctor's office when he was called. The doctor went thru the formalities and then asked, "What would happen if I cut off one of your ears?" Remembering what Darryl had told him, he answered, "I'd be half blind." The doctor looked a little puzzled, but went on. "What if I cut off the other ear?" "I'd be completely blind," Harold answered." "Harold, can you explain how you'd be blind?" "My hat would fall down over my eyes." ___________________________________________________ If you can spare a coin, please hit paypal with it! ___________________________________________________ When NASA was preparing for the Apollo project, they did some astronaut training on a Navajo Indian reservation. One day, a Navajo elder and his son were herding sheep and came across the space crew. The old man, who spoke only Navajo, asked a question which his son translated. "What are these guys in the big suits doing?" A member of the crew said they were practicing for their trip to the moon. The old man got all excited and asked if he could send a message to the moon with the astronauts. Recognizing a promotional opportunity for the spin- doctors, the NASA folks found a tape recorder. After the old man recorded his message, they asked the son to translate it. He refused. So the NASA reps brought the tape to the reservation where the rest of the tribe listened and laughed but refused to translate the elder's message to the moon. Finally, the NASA crew called in an official government translator. He reported that the moon message said, "Watch out for these guys; they have come to steal your land." ____________________________________________________ WWW June 13 2022 This wild Kingfisher's grandparent, I found in the garden, nearly dead, some years ago. Nursed him back to health, and set him free. The next morning, the family swooped down, past me, in gratitude. A couple of years later, I awoke to find the next generation, a parent of this bird, waiting for me on the terrace, his wing seemed broken. I picked him up and examined him. He never flinched, and stared deeply into my eyes. A thorn had locked his wing from operating. I pulled it This wild Kingfisher's grandparent, I found in the garden, nearly dead, some years ago. Nursed him back to health, and set him free. The next morning, the family swooped down, past me, in gratitude. A couple of years later, I awoke to find the next generation, a parent of this bird, waiting for me on the terrace, his wing seemed broken. I picked him up and examined him. He never flinched, and stared deeply into my eyes. A thorn had locked his wing from operating. I pulled it out, and set him free. Without fail, he passes my window every day at the same time, crying out to me. This baby, sat in the tree, eye to eye with me, then flew directly to my hand, and sat there for several minutes, before flying away. Intuition, compassion, good intent, those essences of love, was all we had. Pure, unspoken. An energy that has no end, and passes silently onward, much further than we can imagine. ___________________________________________________ There were three construction workers on a swinging scaffold twenty stories above the street. They stopped for lunch. One was an Irishman who had a corned beef sandwich in his lunch box. He said, "I have had corned beef sandwiches so much if I have them one more time I am going to jump off this scaffold to the street below." One of the workers was a Mexican. In his lunch was a burrito. He said, "I have had a burrito for lunch so many times that if I have it one more time I will jump off this scaffold to the street below." The Californian opened his lunch and found a baloney sandwich. He said, "I have had a baloney sandwich so much that if I have it one more time I will jump to the street below." The next day the Irishman opened his lunch and saw a corned beef sandwich and he jumped to his death. That same day the Mexican opened his lunch and saw a burrito and he jumped to his death. That same day the Californian opened his lunch and saw a baloney sandwich and he jumped to his death. The three were all at the same mortuary. The wife of the Irishman said if she had known that her husband hated corned beef sandwiches that much she would have made him something else. The wife of the Mexican said if she had known that her husband hated burritos that much she would have given him something else. The wife of the Californian said, "Don't look at me. He made his own lunch." ____________________________________________________ Closing sermon words A preacher was completing a temperance sermon: with great expression he said, "If I had all the beer in the world, I'd take it and throw it into the river." With even greater emphasis he said, "And if I had all the wine in the world, I'd take it and throw it into the river." And then finally, he said, "And if I had all the whiskey in the world, I'd take it and throw it into the river." He sat down. The song leader then stood very cautiously and announced with a smile, "For our closching schong, let usch sching Hymn # 365: "Schall We Gather hic ooopsch at the River." ___________________________________________________ DeaWebby's Tech Support Pits From: Carla Re: Blocked pictures Dear Webby Dear Webby I am harvesting pictures for a screen saver. Nothing commercial, just for me and mom. With most pictures that is simple enough, but on some sites the right-click is blocked. How do I get around that? Carla Dear Carla Awwww, they don't let you steal? How nasty! Actually, there are many ways to get around that. You must have a graphics program to crop and resize pictures. There are hundreds of them, most of them free. There is one even included with Windows. Look for PAINT or PAINT 3D I have used PaintShopPro since the days of DOS in the 80s, when it was one of the best 2 and affordable. I still love it, mostly because I am used to it and know all the keyboard shortcuts. Just pict one and get good at it. Then, when you are on a thieving mission, hit SHIFT C (or whatever the shortcut for copying is in your graphics program) The paint program will disappear. Don't worry. Go to the page where the picture is, Left and right click to the side of the page, that has the picture, and with the left mouse key held down drag the cursor across the picture. You will see a rectangle frame forming. When you let go of the mouse button, it jumps back to the graphics program with the stuff in the rectangle frame. OOOPS! You just got part of the picture. It takes a bit of practising to get the whole picture. Once you have the whole picture, you can crop and resize it as if it was one of your own camera pictures. Another popular method is to go to the forbidden page, hit ALT and PRINT SCREEN. Don't worry it won't print anything. That is just a hold- over from the days of DOS and line printers. Now that "prints" into your clipboard. Go to your graphics program, hit CTRL V to paste from the clipboard. Then you got the whole page and can crop and resize all you want. Have FUN! DearWebby ______________________________________________________ | If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can! | If you like my work,
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________________________________________________ >Some guy in Mexifornia After twelve years of therapy my psychiatrist said something that brought tears to my eyes. He said, "No hablo ingles." __________________________________________ A boss was complaining in a staff meeting the other day that he wasn't getting any respect. Later that morning he went to a local sign shop and bought a small sign that read, "I'm the Boss." He then taped it to his office door. Later that day when he returned from lunch, he found that someone had taped a note to the sign that said, "Your wife called. She wants her sign back!" _______________________________________________ | Ophelia Dingbatter's NewsNo sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double opt-in confirmation request. |
| Today, June 16, in 0455, Rome was sacked by the Vandal army. Acting like BLM gave the Vandals a bad name. 1487, The War of the Roses ended with the Battle of Stoke. 1567, Mary, Queen of Scots, was imprisoned in Lochleven Castle in Scotland. 1815, Napoleon defeated the Prussians at the Battle of Ligny, Netherlands. 1858, In a speech in Springfield, IL, U.S. Senate candidate Abraham Lincoln said the slavery issue had to be resolved. He declared, "A house divided against itself cannot stand." 1884, At Coney Island, in Brooklyn, NY, the first roller coaster in America opened. 1883, The New York Giants baseball team admitted all ladies for free to the ballpark. It was the first Ladies Day. 1897, The U.S. government signed a treaty of annexation with Hawaii. 1903, Ford Motor Company was incorporated. 1904, The novel "Ulysses" by James Joyce took place. The main character of the book was Leopold Bloom. 1907, The Russian czar dissolved the Duma in St. Petersburg. 1909, Glenn Hammond Curtiss sold his first airplane, the "Gold Bug" to the New York Aeronautical Society for $5,000. 1922, Henry Berliner accomplished his first helicopter flight at College Park, MD. 1925, France accepted a German proposal for a security pact. 1932, The ban on Nazi storm troopers was lifted by the von Papen government in Germany. 1940, Marshal Henri-Philippe Petain became the prime minister of the Vichy government of occupied France. 1941, U.S. President Franklin D. Roosevelt ordered the closure of all German consulates in the United States. The deadline was set as July 10. 1955, The U.S. House of Representatives voted to extend Selective Service until 1959. 1955, Pope Pius XII excommunicated Argentine President Juan Peron. The ban was lifted eight years later. 1955, Argentine naval officers launched an attack on President Juan Peron's headquarters. The revolt was suppressed by the army. 1961, Rudolf Nureyev defected from the Soviet Union while in Paris, traveling with the Leningrad Kirov Ballet. 1963, 26-year-old Valentina Tereshkova went into orbit aboard the Vostok 6 spacecraft for three days. She was the first female space traveler. 1972, Ulrike Meinhof was captured by West German police in Hanover. She was co-founder of the Baader-Meinhof terrorist group and the Red Army Faction (Rote Armee Fraktion). 1975, The Simonstown agreement on naval cooperation between Britain and South Africa ended. The agreement was formally ended by mutual agreement after 169 years. 1976, In Soweto, thousands of school children revolted against the South African government's plan to enforce Afrikaans as the language for instruction in black schools. 1977, Leonid Brezhnev was named the first Soviet president of the USSR. He was the first person to hold the post of president and Communist Party General Secretary. He replaced Nikolai Podgorny. 1978, U.S. President Carter and Panamanian leader Omar Torrijos ratified the Panama Canal treaties. 1978, The film adaptation of "Grease" premiered in New York City. 1980, The movie "The Blues Brothers" opened in Chicago, IL. 1981, The "Chicago Tribune" purchased the Chicago Cubs baseball team from the P.K. Wrigley Chewing Gum Company for $20.5 million. 1983, Yuri Andropov was elected chairman of the Presidium of the Supreme Soviet. The position was the equivalent of president. 1984, Wilson Ferreira Aldunate was arrested upon his return from an eleven year exile. Aldunate had been a popular Uruguayan opposition leader. 1992, U.S. President George H.W. Bush welcomed Russian President Boris Yeltsin to a meeting in Washington, DC. The two agreed in principle to reduce strategic weapon arsenals by about two-thirds by the year 2003. 1993, The U.S. Postal Service released a set of seven stamps that featured Bill Haley, Buddy Holly, Clyde McPhatter, Otis Redding, Ritchie Valens, Dinah Washington and Elvis Presley. 1996, Russian voters had their first independent presidential election. Boris Yeltsin was the winner after a run-off. 1999, The U.S. Circuit Court of Appeals said that a 1992 federal music piracy law does not prohibit a palm-sized device that can download high-quality digital music files from the Internet and play them at home. 2000, U.S. federal regulators approved the merger of Bell Atlantic and GTE Corp. The merger created the nation's largest local phone company. 2000, U.S. Secretary of Energy Bill Richardson reported that an employee at the Los Alamos National Laboratory in New Mexico had discovered that two computer hard drives were missing. 2008, California began issuing marriage licenses to same- sex couples. 2017, Amazon announced plans to buy Whole Foods for $13.7 billion. 2022 Do smiled. |
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