Good Morning, Do! Today is Wednesday, May 29 _____________________________________________________ Today, May 29 in 1985 Thirty-nine people were killed and 600 were injured in a riot at a European Cup soccer match in Brussels, Belgium. The tragedy resulted in all English football clubs being placed under an indefinite ban by UEFA from all European competitions (lifted in 1990 91), with Liverpool being excluded for an additional three years, later reduced to one, and fourteen Liverpool fans found guilty of manslaughter and each sentenced to three years' imprisonment. More of today in history at History ______________________________________________________ | If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can! | |
Today's Bonehead Award: Woman beat wife with bedpost over washed weed ________________________________________________ If you like the Humor Letter, please vote! ______________________________________________________ All you need in this life is ignorance and confidence; then success is sure. --- Mark Twain (1835 - 1910) If you cannot convince them, confuse them. --- Harry S Truman (1884 - 1972) _____________________________________________________ ______________________________________________________ The teacher wrote "Like I ain't had no fun in months" on the board and then she said, "David , how should I correct that?" David replied, "Maybe get a better boyfriend?" ______________________________________________________` _____________________________________________________ If you like the Humor Letter, please vote! Thanks for your votes! ___________________________________________________ An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD has been earned by Ashley Perkins, 30, Youngsville, Louisiana Woman beat wife with bedpost over washed weed A Louisiana woman battered her new wife with a detached bedpost after the victim ruined a bag of marijuana by accidentally placing it in the washing machine, police report. Cops allege that Ashley Perkins, 30, attacked her spouse while the couple was visiting relatives last Monday in a Pensacola, Florida suburb. During an altercation over missing marijuana, Perkins allegedly struck her wife several times with a detached bedpost about her legs, head, and left arm. Perkins, seen above, and her 48-year-old spouse were married last month, according to a post on the victim's Facebook page. The couple lives in Youngsville, a city 10 miles south of Lafayette. The victim, cops reported, sustained lacerations on her arm and contusions to the back of her head and legs. EMS workers called to the residence said that the victim's arm may have been fractured. Perkins told police that the couple had been arguing about marijuana, which the victim owned...and accidentally placed it in the washer. Perkins confirmed the two had tussled, but denied striking her wife with anything. While en route to jail, Perkins reportedly changed her story, and claimed that her spouse picked up the bedpost and began beating herself, causing the injuries. Charged with aggravated battery, Perkins spent more than two days in the Santa Rosa County jail before posting $25,000 bond Thursday morning. Perkins, who has pleaded not guilty to the felony charge, has been ordered by a judge to have no contact with her spouse. DearWebby's tech Support Pits From: Jean Re: Browser crashes DearWebby, I am using FireFox and some days Chrome. They all get bunged up and crash. What do you use? Jean Dear Jean I use Chrome, and it too crashes. Whenever it stalls or acts silly, I hit CTRL SHIFT ESC to bring up the Windoze task manager, and end any tasks that use over 200 MB in Services. (Second tab in Task Manager) That closes some misbehaving browser tabs, but you can reoad them. Not a big deal. Sometimes Chrome wants you to send feedback to them. THAT is a total waste of time. Nobody ever looks at those, even if you tell them the same thing a thousand times. Just ignore that and reload the page. Have FUN! DearWebby Automatically move ALL your settings and programs. No need to re-install them. The only mover recommended by Intel and Microsoft. All he asked for was a little goodnight kiss, but she rebuffed him with, "I don't do that sort of thing on my first date!" "Well," he replied with sarcasm, "how about on your last date?" | If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can! | |
Two Irishmen were sitting in a pub having beer and watching the brothel across the street. They saw a Baptist minister walk into the brothel, and one of them said, "Aye, 'tis a shame to see a man of the cloth goin' bad." Then they saw a rabbi enter the brothel, and the other Irishman said, "Aye, 'tis a shame to see that the Jews are fallin' victim to temptation." Then they saw a catholic priest enter the brothel, and one of the Irishmen said, "What a terrible pity... one of the girls must be quite ill." ___________________________________________________ Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Thriftyfun.com Borax and Cornmeal for Drying Flowers You can dry flowers using 2 parts borax to 1 part white cornmeal. Add a thin layer of the mixture, then place flowers on top. Slowly add more of the powder until the flowers are covered, pouring on the side rather than right on top, to avoid crushing. Let them sit for 10 days. thriftyfun.Com ____________________________________________________ | | This is some serious hair! |
___________________________________________________ A tiny but dignified old lady was among a group looking at an art exhibition in a newly opened gallery. Suddenly one contemporary painting caught her eye. "What on earth," she inquired of the artist standing nearby, "is that supposed to be?" He smiled condescendingly. "That, my dear lady, is supposed to be a mother and her child." "Well, then," snapped the little old lady, "why isn't it?" ___________________________________________________ My dinner party was headed for disaster. One man, an insurance salesman, was monopolizing the conversation with a lengthy account of recent litigation involving himself. Since two other guests were lawyers, I was becoming increasingly uneasy. "In the end," the salesman concluded, "you know who got all the money." I cringed. "The lawyers!" he shouted. There was embarrassed silence at the table. My heart was pounding until the wife of one lawyer said, "Oh, I love a story with a happy ending." ___________________________________________________ | Ophelia Dingbatter's NewsNo sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double opt-in confirmation request. |
A rabbi was walking home from the Temple and saw one of his good friends, a pious and learned man who could usually beat the rabbi in an argument. The rabbi started walking faster so that he could catch up to his friend, when he was horrified to see his friend go into a Chinese restaurant (not a kosher one). Standing at the door, he observed his friend talking to a waiter and gesturing at a menu. A short time later, the waiter reappeared carrying a platter full of spare ribs, shrimp in lobster sauce, crab rangoon, and other treif (non-kosher food) that the rabbi could not bear to think about. As his friend picked up the chopsticks and began to eat this food, the rabbi burst into the restaurant and reproached his friend, for he could take it no longer."Morris, what is this you are doing? I saw you come into this restaurant, order this filth and now you are eating it in violation of everything we are taught about the dietary laws, and with an apparent enjoyment that does not befit your pious reputation!" Morris replied, "Rabbi, did you see me enter this restaurant?" The rabbi nods yes. "Did you see me order this meal?" Again he nods yes. "Did you see the waiter bring me this food?" Again he nods yes. "And did you see me eat it?" Nods yes. "Then, rabbi, I don't see the problem here. The entire thing was done under rabbinical supervision!" ___________________________________________________ | Today May 28 in 1453 Constantinople fell to Ottoman Sultan Mehmed II, ending the Byzantine Empire. 1660 Charles II was restored to the English throne after the Puritan Commonwealth. 1721 South Carolina was formally incorporated as a royal colony. 1765 Patrick Henry denounced the Stamp Act before Virginia's House of Burgesses. 1790 Rhode Island became the last of the original thirteen colonies to ratify the U.S. Constitution. 1827 The first nautical school opened in Nantucket, MA, under the name Admiral Sir Isaac Coffin's Lancasterian School. 1849 A patent for lifting vessels was granted to Abraham Lincoln. 1910 An airplane raced a train from Albany, NY, to New York City. The airplane pilot Glenn Curtiss won the $10,000 prize. 1912 Fifteen women were dismissed from their jobs at the Curtis Publishing Company in Philadelphia, PA, for dancing the Turkey Trot while on the job. 1916 U.S. forces invaded Dominican Republic and remained until 1924. 1922 Ecuador became independent. 1932 World War I veterans began arriving in Washington, DC. to demand cash bonuses they were not scheduled to receive for another 13 years. 1951 C.F. Blair became the first man to fly over the North Pole in single engine plane. 1953 Edmund Hillary and Sherpa Tenzing Norgay became first men to reach the top of Mount Everest and live to tell the tale. 1973 Tom Bradley was elected the first black mayor of Los Angeles. 1974 U.S. President Nixon agreed to turn over 1,200 pages of edited Watergate transcripts. 1981 The U.S. performed a nuclear test at the Nevada Test Site. 1985 Thirty-nine people were killed and 600 were injured in a riot at a European Cup soccer match in Brussels, Belgium. The tragedy resulted in all English football clubs being placed under an indefinite ban by UEFA from all European competitions (lifted in 1990 91), with Liverpool being excluded for an additional three years, later reduced to one, and fourteen Liverpool fans found guilty of manslaughter and each sentenced to three years' imprisonment. 1986 Colonel Oliver North told National Security Advisor William McFarlane that profits from weapons sold to Iran were being diverted to the Contras. 1988 U.S. President Reagan began his first visit to the Soviet Union in Moscow. 1988 NBC aired "To Heal A Nation," the story of Jan Scruggs' effort to build the Vietnam Veterans Memorial. 1990 Boris Yeltsin was elected president of the Russian republic by the Russian parliament. 1997 The ruling party in Indonesia, Golkar, won the Parliament election by a record margin. There was a boycott movement and rioting that killed 200 people. 1999 Space shuttle Discovery completed the first docking with the International Space Station. 2000 Fiji's military took control of the nation and declared martial law following a coup attempt by indigenous Fijians in mid-May. 2001 In New York, four followers of Osama bin Laden were convicted of a global conspiracy to murder Americans. The crimes included the 1998 bombings of two U.S. embassies in Africa that killed 224 people. 2001 The U.S. Supreme Court ruled that disabled golfer Casey Martin could use a cart to ride in tournaments. 2015 The Obama adminstration removed Cuba from the U.S. terrorism blacklist. The two countries had severed diplomatic relations in January of 1961, after Cuba had nationalized all US owened oil fields and refineries and all major fruit and sugar plantations. 2019 Do smiled. |
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