Good Morning, Do! Today is Saturday, July 31 ___________________________________________________ If you can spare a coin, PLEASE hit PayPal with it! ___________________________________________________ Phoenix officers exchange gunfire with man outside busy West Phoenix bar ___________________________________________________ Today, July 30 in 1790 The first U.S. patent was issued to Samuel Hopkins for his process for making potash and pearl ashes. The substance was used in fertilizer. ____________________________________________________ When we ask for advice, we are usually looking for an accomplice. --- Marquis de la Grange (1639 - 1692) ____________________________________________________ An important politician was seen moving around with a film actress for a couple of months, with whom he finally decided to plunge into matrimony. But, being cautious, he hired a private detective for the job of looking into her past and finding out if she had any previous affairs with any men. After a few days, the politician at last received his detective's report, which went like this: "Sir, this lady has a spotless reputation. Her past is clear, her family and friends all come from a very respectable background. No one has anything against her character. But yes, according to my sources, for the last couple of months she's been frequently seen flirting with a politician with a dubious reputation." ____________________________________________________ ____________________________________________________ A reporter from New York was visiting an old colleague who now edited a newspaper in a tiny Vermont town. "I don't see how you do it," the NY reporter said. "How can you drum up interest in the news when everybody in town knows what everybody else is doing and with whom?" "Sure they know," the editor said, "but they read the paper to see who got caught at it." ____________________________________________________ An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD has been earned by Jesse Allen Villasaez Phoenix, Arizona, USA Phoenix officers exchange gunfire with man outside busy West Phoenix bar Phoenix Police are investigating an officer-involved shooting outside of a crowded bar on 96th Avenue and Camelback. The incident began when two off-duty officers in uniform were working at a bar in the area on Saturday night. A customer had approached them, telling police that her ex- boyfriend was possibly following her from another nearby bar. Later that night, the officers reportedly saw the ex- boyfriend arguing with the woman on the patio of the bar. "The officers, in consultation with the staff, asked the suspect to leave and walked him to the parking lot," police said in a statement. "The suspect began to drive away, but then turned to drive behind the bar." Police said they saw a pickup truck head toward them, and the man had fired several gunshots in their direction. The police officers fired several shots back while the suspect fled. "After passing the officers, the pickup drove a short distance, then he fired additional rounds towards the officer, and then fled the scene," officials said. The suspect, identified as 32-year-old Jesse Allen Villasaez, drove away but was later caught near 67th Avenue and Earll Drive. No one was injured in the incident, and they were able to arrest him without having to shoot him. DearWebby's tech support pits From:Miss Kitty Re: Camera flash Dear Webby When I take pictures indoors, the flash of my camera goes off. That, as you have 'splained dozens of times, makes the pictures come out flat. Putting my finger over the flash is not a good solution, because the camera still thinks there IS a lash. What should I do? Miss Kitty Dear Miss Kitty Most cameras let you get into the settings. If necessary, go onto the net and to the maker of that camera and into the settings there. There IS a way to turn the flash off! For some pictures you will need a bit of extra light. Remember old clip art of photographers with their heads under a tarp, and their arm reaching out to the right and up as far as tey can, with a metal dustpan filled with magnesium and gun powder? THAT is the proper location of the light. Out and up as far as you can reach. You can use a battery powered LED work light from Home Depot. Let the camera see the lighting situation and evaluate it. Then the picture will be perfect. You don't really have to stick yourhead under the black tarp for indoor shots. That is for shots in bright sunlight, when the sun is behind you and it is too bright to see the monitor screen of your camera. Have FUN! DearWebby A cute young secretary wore tight knit dresses that showed off her figure, especially when she walked. And she enjoyed showing off. One afternoon her boss motioned her into his office and closed the door. Pointing to her tightly covered derriere, he asked, "Is that for sale?" "Of course not!" she snapped angrily, blushing furiously. Unchanged, he replied quietly, "Then, I suggest you might want to tone down the advertising during working hours." | If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can! | If you like my work,
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_____________________________________________ Bubba was arrested for selling home-stilled whiskey. His lawyer put him on the stand and asked the jurors to look carefully at his client. "Now, Ladies and Gentleman of the jury," concluded the lawyer, "you've looked carefully at the defendant. "Can you sit there in the jury and honestly believe that if my client had ANY whiskey he would sell it?" He was acquitted. ____________________________________________ If you want your spouse to listen and pay strict attention to every word you say, talk in your sleep. ____________________________________________ A class from a nearby university was visiting a major drug manufacturer. The tour guide led the students to a glass- enclosed room. They could see several people in white lab coats. With her back to the glass, the guide announced: "In this room researchers are actively searching for a cure for cancer." She stopped short as the group broke out laughing. Puzzled, the guide turned to look. Through the glass she saw three scientists in animated debate, flipping through the pages of a Boston Pizza menu. ______________________________________________ | Ophelia Dingbatter's NewsNo sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double opt-in confirmation request. |
___________________________________________________ | Today, July 31, in 1498 Christopher Columbus, on his third voyage to the Western Hemisphere, arrived at the island of Trinidad. 1790 The first U.S. patent was issued to Samuel Hopkins for his process for making potash and pearl ashes. The substance was used in fertilizer. 1792 The cornerstone of the U.S. Mint in Philadelphia, PA, was laid. It was the first building to be used only as a U.S. government building. 1919 Germany's Weimar Constitution was adopted. 1928 MGM's Leo the lion roared for the first time. He introduced MGM's first talking picture, "White Shadows on the South Seas." 1932 Enzo Ferrari retired from racing. In 1950 he launched a series of cars under his name. 1945 Pierre Laval of France surrendered to Americans in Austria. 1948 U.S. President Truman helped dedicate New York International Airport (later John F. Kennedy International Airport) at Idlewild Field. 1955 Marilyn Bell of Toronto, Canada, at age 17, became the youngest person to swim the English Channel. 1959 The Euskadi Ta Askatasuna (ETA) was founded. The group is known for being an armed Basque nationalist and separatist organization. 1964 The American space probe Ranger 7 transmitted pictures of the moon's surface. 1971 Men rode in a vehicle on the moon for the first time in a lunar rover vehicle (LRV). 1980 China's population reached 1 billion. 1982 Yugoslavia imposed a six-month freeze on prices. 1989 A pro-Iranian group in Lebanon released a videotape reportedly showing the hanged body of American hostage William R. Higgins. 1991 U.S. President George H.W. Bush and Soviet President Mikhail Gorbachev signed the Strategic Arms Reduction Treaty. 1995 The Walt Disney Company agreed to acquire Capital Cities/ABC in a $19 billion deal. 1999 The spacecraft Lunar Prospect crashed into the moon. It was a mission to detect frozen water under the moon's surface. The craft had been launched on January 6, 1998. 2021 Do smiled. |
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