Good Morning, Do, Today is Wednesday, May 2 We goy our first rain in 2018! Just 1/2", but it blackened the roads. If this keeps up, I'll be dusting off the lawn mower before the end of May. I re-connected the hose to the rain barrel, and laid it out to the raspberries. Soon they will sprout little leaves and I can cut the old, dead vines out. It is a pretty good guess that the worst part of winter is over. Have FUN! Dearwebby Todays Bonehead Award: Chase leads to Hartford crash and capture of wanted man Bonehead ______________________________________________________ Today, May 2 in 1670 The Hudson Bay Company was founded by England's King Charles II. They are still in business! See More of what happened on this day in history. ______________________________________________________ | If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can! | |
______________________________________________________ Oil prices have fallen lately. We include this news for the benefit of gas stations, which otherwise wouldn't learn of it for six months. --- Bill Tammeus _____________________________________________________ If you like the Humor Letter, please vote! ______________________________________________________ Our Lamaze class included a tour of the pediatric wing of the hospital. When a new baby was brought into the nursery, all the women tried to guess its weight, but the guy standing next to me was the only male to venture a number. "Looks like 9 pounds," he offered confidently. "This must not be your first," I said. "Oh, yes," he said. "It's my first." "Then how would you know the weight of a baby?" I asked. He shrugged. "I'm a fisherman." _____________________________________________________ ______________________________________________________ April 2018 _____________________________________________________ If you like the Humor Letter, please vote! Thanks for your votes! _____________________________________________________ He was on the bus where he normally gets his lunch stolen when he brought out a bottle that had what looked like small brown balls in it. He then, making sure no one was looking, secretly took from his pocket some milk duds and started popping them in his mouth, as obvious to the rest of the kids as possible, making yum yum noises. The bully, without asking, snatched the jar from Ken's hand and asked, "What's in the bottle that you are making such a big deal of?" "Well, they're smart pills." "Smart pills?" the bully asked, then opened the jar and popped a couple of the foreign brown balls in his mouth. "Pweeuuweppblahhh!!" he reacted. "What is this stuff? It tastes like rabbit turds!!" "See, you're getting smarter already." _______________________________________________ An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD has been earned by Joseph Barreto, 24, Hartford, Connecticut Chase leads to Hartford crash and capture of wanted man A dramatic early morning chase through the streets of Hartford's south end on Saturday ended in a crash, and the capture of a man wanted by police since another crash that happened in February. According to Hartford Police Dept. spokesman Lt. Paul Cicero, at about 7:30 Saturday morning police and fire personnel were called to the area of New Britain Avenue and Zion Street for a report of person in a parked car who might have been in medical distress. When they got there, police said the driver woke up, and took off in the car. As he did, he hit a Hartford Fire Department truck, but continued west on New Britain Avenue until he hit a utility pole and then crashed into an unoccupied house off Nepaug Street. The driver had leg injuries and was taken into custody and given medical care. A gun was found in the car. When police identified the driver, they knew why he fled. Joseph Barreto, 24, was wanted in connection with a deadly car crash on February 19 at the intersection of Ward and Zion streets. Police believe that Barreto was driving a car stolen out of New Britain, ran a red light causing a fatal accident, and then ran away. Barreto was also wanted for a seperate incident, a shooting, on Tuesday. The charges from those previous incidents include first-degree criminal attempted assault, unlawful discharge of a firearm, second- degree manslaughter, and other charges. He is being held in lieu of $750,000 bail. Tech Support Pits From: Renee Re: Camera tripod bolt Dear Webby, You mentioned it once before a few years ago, but I forgot. What type of special bolt is used on a tripod to hold the camera? I don't have a tripod, but I want to use a stepladder for taking the Christmas pictures. I have an older Canon G2 with a remote control key-fob, if that makes a difference. Renee Dear Renee It makes no difference. All cameras use the common 1/4" coarse (1/4" x 20) bolt, no matter where the camera was made. The trick is to use a long bolt and a wing nut, with the wings facing towards the bolt head. Stick the bolt through a hole in a ladder step. Turn the bolt just barely finger tight into the camera, then tighten the wing nut below the step. Gently! Better than bolting the camera to your ladder, bolt it to a big alligator clamp, like they are used for welding cables or automotive jumper cables. That gives you as many ways to adjust and aim the camera as a tripod. Have FUN DearWebby Bambi, a young cutie sidled up to a guest at the party. She had heard him addressed as doctor and now she said diffidently, "doctor, may I ask a question?" "Certainly," he said. "Lately," said Bambi, "I have been having a funny pain right here over the heart..." The guest interrupted uncomfortably and said, "I'm terribly sorry, Bambi, but the truth is, I'm a doctor of philosophy." "Oh," said Bambi, "I'm sorry!" She turned away, but then overcome with curiosity, she turned back. "Just one more question, doctor. Tell me, what kind of disease is philosophy?" Automatically move ALL your settings and programs. No need to re-install them. The only mover recommended by Intel and Microsoft. A philosophy professor stood before his class and had some items in front of him. When the class began, wordlessly he picked up a very large and empty mayonnaise jar and proceeded to fill it with rocks, rocks about 2" in diameter. He then asked the students if the jar was full? They agreed that it was. So the professor then picked up a box of pebbles and poured them into the jar. He shook the jar lightly. The pebbles, of course, rolled into the open areas between the rocks. He then asked the students again if the jar was full. They agreed it was. The professor picked up a box of sand and poured it into the jar. Of course, the sand filled up everything else. He then asked once more if the jar was full. The students responded with an unanimous -- yes. The professor then produced two cans of beer from under the table and proceeded to pour their entire contents into the jar -- effectively filling the empty space between the sand. The students laughed. "Now," said the professor, as the laughter subsided, "I want you to recognize that this jar represents your life. The rocks are the important things - your family, your partner, your health, your children--things that if everything else was lost and only they remained, your life would still be full. The pebbles are the other things that matter like your job, your house, your car. The sand is everything else. The small stuff." "If you put the sand into the jar first," he continued "there is no room for the pebbles or the rocks. The same goes for your life. If you spend all your time and energy on the small stuff, you will never have room for the things that are important to you. Pay attention to the things that are critical to your happiness. Play with your children. Take time to get medical checkups. Take your partner out dancing. There will always be time to go to work, clean the house, give a dinner party and fix the disposal. "Take care of the rocks first -- the things that really matter. Set your priorities. The rest is just sand." One of the students raised her hand and inquired what the beer represented. The professor smiled. "I'm glad you asked. It just goes to show you that no matter how full your life may seem, there's always room for a couple of beers." | If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can! | |
Chanowski and his drinking buddy are sitting at a bar . See those guys over there ? Chanowski says." I'm going over there and ask them what they think of Polaks." Chanowki walks up to the two guys sitting at the other end of the bar and asks them what they think of Polaks. One of the men gives Chanowski the finger. The middle finger. Chanowski then walks back to his drinking buddy. " Well , what do they think of Polaks? '' he asks. "We're still number one , " replies Chanowski. ____________________________________________________ Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Mineral Deposits in a Clothes Iron When the vents in your iron get clogged with mineral deposits, it will not function properly. If you use distilled water when you iron the deposits will no longer be a problem. To remove mineral deposits, put equal parts of vinegar and water in your iron and turn it on the highest setting. Let the steam work it's way through the iron until the clogs have cleared. Tip provided by Thriftyfun.com ____________________________________________________ Wife: I want to know if I have grounds for a divorce. Lawyer: Are you married? Wife: Yes, of course. Lawyer: Then you have grounds. | Austria is a beautiful country, where our own Dear Webby is from. :) |
By chance, the first picture there is the town, where I went to Univeristy! ___________________________________________________ Judy finds herself in dire trouble. Her business has gone bust and she's in serious financial straits. She's so desperate that she decides to ask God for help. She begins to pray... "God, please help me. I've lost my business and if I don't get some money, I'm going to lose my house as well. Please let me win the lotto." Lotto night comes, and somebody else wins it. She again prays... "God, please let me win the lotto! I've lost my business, my house and I'm going to lose my car as well." Lotto night comes and she still has no luck. Once again, she prays... "My God, why have you forsaken me? I've lost my business, my house,and my car. My children are starving. I don't often ask you for help, and I have always been a good servant to you. PLEASE just let me win the lotto this one time so I can get my life back in order." Suddenly there is a blinding flash of light as the heavens open and Judy is confronted by the voice of God Himself. "Sweetheart, work with Me on this. Buy a ticket ___________________________________________________ | Ophelia Dingbatter's NewsNo sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double opt-in confirmation request. |
____________________________________________________ | Today, May 2 in 1670 The Hudson Bay Company was founded by England's King Charles II. They are still in business! 1776 France and Spain agreed to donate arms to American rebels fighting the British. 1797 A mutiny in the British navy spread from Spithead to the rest of the fleet. 1798 The black General Toussaint L'ouverture forced British troops to agree to evacuate the port of Santo Domingo. 1808 The citizens of Madrid rose up against Napoleon. 1813 Napoleon defeated a Russian and Prussian army at Grossgorschen. 1853 Franconi's Hippodrome opened at Broadway and 23rd Street in New York City. 1863 Confederate Gen. Thomas "Stonewall" Jackson was wounded by his own men in the battle of Chancellorsville, VA. He died 8 days later. 1865 U.S. President Andrew Johnson offered $100,000 reward for the capture of Confederate President Jefferson Davis. 1885 The Congo Free State was established by King Leopold II of Belgium. 1885 The magazine "Good Housekeeping" was first published. 1887 Hannibal W. Goodwin applied for a patent on celluloid photographic film. This is the film from which movies are shown. 1902 "A Trip to the Moon," the first science fiction film was released. It was created by magician George Melies. 1926 In India, Hindu women gained the right to seek elected office. 1926 U.S. Marines landed in Nicaragua to put down a revolt and to protect U.S. interests. They did not depart until 1933. 1933 Hitler banned trade unions in Germany and ended depression. 1941 Hostilities broke out between British forces in Iraq and that country's pro-German faction. 1941 The Federal Communications Commission agreed to let regular scheduling of TV broadcasts by commercial TV stations begin on July 1, 1941. This was the start of network television. 1945 Russians took Berlin after 12 days of fierce house-to-house fighting in areas, that had not been bombed to rubble by the US. The Allies announced the surrender of Nazi troops in Italy and parts of Austria. In other parts of Austria people had buried their guns months before. 1946 Prisoners revolted at California's Alcatraz prison. 1960 Caryl Chessman was executed. He was a convicted sex offender and had become a best selling author while on death row. 1965 The "Early Bird" satellite was used to transmit television pictures across the Atlantic. 1969 The ocean liner Queen Elizabeth 2 (QE2) made its maiden voyage. 1970 Student anti-war protesters at Ohio's Kent State University burn down the campus ROTC building. The National Guard took control of the campus. 1974 Former U.S. Vice President Spiro T. Agnew was disbarred by the Maryland Court of Appeals. 1974 The filming of "Jaws" began in Martha's Vineyard, MA. 1982 The British submarine HMS Conqueror sank Argentina's only cruiser, the General Belgrano during the Falkland Islands War. More than 350 people died. 1994 Nelson Mandela claimed victory after South Africa's first democratic elections. 1999 In Panama, Mireya Moscoso de Grubar, of the Armulfista Party, was elected president. 2002 It was reported that Phyllis Diller had retired from touring. 2011 U.S. soldiers killed Osama bin Laden in Pakistan. 2018 Do smiled. |
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