Good Morning, Do! Today is Thursday, July 18 Today, July 18, I have to go to Calgary to have injections into my eyeballs. Yes, they poke me into the eyeballs with very sharp needles, and squirt Lucentis into the Macular. That means for three days I can see enough to sweep and vacuum, mop floors, do laundry, and even mow the lawns. And cook. However, I won't be able to work on the computer. Nothing will be answered and nothing will be sent out on Friday, July 19, Saturday, July 20, Sunday, July 21. You can email me, but don't expect answers until Monday, July 22. _____________________________________________________ Today, July 18 in 1936 The Spanish Civil War began as Gen. Francisco Franco led an uprising of army troops based in Spanish North Africa. More of today in history at History ______________________________________________________ | If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can! | |
Today's Bonehead Award: Man cuts off his wife's lover's penis _______________________________________________ If you like the Humor Letter, please vote! _______________________________________________ 1936 The first Oscar Meyer Wienermobile rolled out of General Body Company's factory in Chicago, IL. _____________________________________________________ Money can't buy happiness, but neither can poverty. --- Leo Rosten (1908 - ) It is not worth an intelligent man's time to be in the majority. By definition, there are already enough people to do that. --- G. H. Hardy (1877 - 1947) ______________________________________________________` A man goes to the doctor and tells him that he hasn't been feeling well. The doctor examines him, leaves the room and comes back with three different bottles of pills. The doctor says, "Take the green pill with a big glass of water when you get up. Take the blue pill with a big glass of water after lunch. Then just before going to bed, take the red pill with another big glass of water." Startled to be put on so much medicine the man stammers, "Jeez doc, exactly what's my problem?" Doctor says, "You're not drinking enough water." ______________________________________________________` _____________________________________________________ If you like the Humor Letter, please vote! Thanks for your votes! ___________________________________________________ An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD has been earned by Alex Bonilla, 49, Bell, Floriduh Man cuts off his wife's lover's penis A gun-toting Florida Man broke into the home of his wife's lover and cut off the man's penis with a pair of scissors, according to police who said that the intruder fled the residence with the severed organ. The victim told cops that a neighbor, Alex Bonilla, 49, entered his mobile home in the town of Bell Sunday morning and threatened to kill him, according to a Gilchrist County Sheriff's Office arrest report. Once inside, cops say, Bonilla warned the victim that he would kill him if he resisted. Bonilla then took the Victim into his bedroom, tied him up, and forcefully cut off the Victim's penis with a pair of scissors. Bonilla, cops added, then fled the Victim's residence with the Victim's severed penis in his possession. Investigators reported that there were two juveniles in the home when Bonilla--armed with a 9mm handgun--burst in through an unlocked rear door. According to the arrest report, Bonilla recently caught his wife and the victim having sex. Bonilla lives directly across the street from the victim. Seen above, Bonilla, who works for a dairy, was charged with multiple felony charges for completely severing the victim's sexual organ. Bonilla is being held in the Gilchrist County jail in lieu of $1.25 million bond. The victim was transported to a local hospital for treatment. The arrest report does not detail the man's condition or whether the severed penis was recovered. DearWebby's Tech Support Pits From: Louis Re: Can I dump MSN? Dear Webby, Webby, you've probably heard that MSN is deleting groupsites and allowing an unknown "Multiply" to take over...any ideas or suggestions? Can I drop Microsoft all together and stay with google? Will I still need Internet Explorer to open my computer? You've always kept me informed, please, do it again and thanks for your website. Louis Dear Louis There is absolutely no need for MSN. You can use gmail and you can do your personal and business chat on Skype. Internet Explorer is just a browser. It doesn't open the computer. If you are down by the bayou, where they don't have DSL or cable, and need a program to tell the computer, that it's time to dial up, ANY Internet program will do that. ANY browser, like FireFox, Google Chrome, Opera, etc. will do that just fine. Of course, Internet Explorer will do that too. You can set the browser home page to whatever you want. It does NOT have to be MSN. You can, for example, set the Home page on Google Chrome to Google and customize it for weather, stock market, currency exchange, and financial markets. Then beside that, you can use FireFox and make the FireFox HOME the Humor Letter. And in Opera, you can make AccuRadio Country Channel the HOME. That way, when you hit the Opera icon, the Internet radio starts. Those are just examples. You can set the HOME page in any browser to whatever you fell like, whether it is a religious site or a fun site. Have FUN! DearWebby Automatically move ALL your settings and programs. No need to re-install them. The only mover recommended by Intel and Microsoft. "A judge in Ohio has ruled that homeless people are allowed to vote, and they can list their home address as a park bench. Ohio officials say that a park bench may not be the most traditional place to live, but it's still a lot nicer than Cleveland." --- Conan O'Brien | If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can! | |
As an engineer in an upscale hotel, I was asked to repair or replace the television in a guest room. When I arrived, the couple was watching a picture one-third the size of the screen. I knew all our spare sets were in use, so I figured what the heck: I struck the side of the TV with the heel of my hand. Just my luck the picture returned to full size. "Look, honey," said the wife to her husband. "He went to the same repair school as you." ----------------- We call that "Percussive Maintenance". ___________________________________________________ Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Thriftyfun.com Halloween Candy recycling! Save your M and M tubes to make recycled art. My son won a contest at the library for his aluminum ant friend he created. We used silver spray paint and some pipe cleaners and paper clips for wings. These tubes have many uses. My son carries one in his lunch box to hold his change for milk etc. They are great for beads too. You can always refill them with M and M's! thriftyfun.Com ____________________________________________________ | | The best of People Are Awesome |
___________________________________________________ Two hunters in 'Bama were dragging their dead deer back to their car. Another hunter approached pulling his along too. "Hey, I don't want to tell you how to do something, but I can tell you that it's much easier if you drag the deer in the other direction. Then the antlers won't dig into the ground." After the third hunter left, the two decided to try it. A little while later one hunter said to the other, "You know, that guy was right. This is a lot easier!" The other added "Yeah, but we're getting farther and farther away from the truck!" ___________________________________________________ Wicked Willie's Chain Letter This chain letter was started in hopes of bringing relief to other tired and discouraged men. Unlike most chain letters, this one doesn't cost anything! Just send a copy of this letter to five of your friends who are equally tired and discontent. Then bundle up your wife and/or girlfriend and send her to the man whose name appears at the top of the following list, and add your name to the bottom of the list. When your turn comes, you will receive 15,625 women. One of them is bound to be better than the one you already have. At the writing of this letter, a friend of mine had already received 184 women, of whom four were worth keeping, REMEMBER this chain brings luck. One man's pit bull died, and the next day he received a Playboy playmate. An unmarried Jewish man living with his widowed mother was able to choose between a Hooter's waitress and a Hollywood super model. You can be lucky too, but DO NOT BREAK THE CHAIN! One man broke the chain and got his wife back again. Let's keep it going, men! Just add your name to the list below! >780 3rd Ave New York, NY 10017 Billie Clinton >780 3rd Ave New York, NY 10017 B. Clinton >780 3rd Ave New York, NY 10017 William Jefferson Clinton ...snip... >780 3rd Ave New York, NY 10017 Mr. Hillary Clinton >780 3rd Ave New York, NY 10017 Mr. Willie Clinton _____________________________________ Yeah, I know it's an old hoax and just like all chain letters, does not work. Yes, ALL chain letters. Subscriber Eric asked me to write another rant about chain letters. Worst are the tear jerker chain letters, promising that for every forward, somebody would donate a penny to some wacky cause. The truth is that absolutely NOBODY will donate a dry fart to the fictitious cause mentioned in that chain letter. Those chain letters are simply attempts by a few crooks to find the most gullible goofs on the net. If somebody is so gullible that they think forwarding an email will help a dying girl in Hogwashistan, then they are probably gullible enough to buy new and improved snake-oil from spam. That's right. If you forward chain letters, you get added to spam lists. After all, you HAVE proved that you are gullible. Here is a chainletter page I put up in 1994: THE FERTILIZER CLUB Feel free to print it for the company bulletin board! __________________________________________________ | Ophelia Dingbatter's NewsNo sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double opt-in confirmation request. |
Red Hot Money Old George was a man who had worked hard all of his life, and he had saved every cent that wasn't essential. He was a real miser when it came to his money, never allowing his wife Marilyn to spend more then absolutely necessary. He loved money more than just about anything. Just before he died, he said to Marilyn, "Now I want you to listen to me, I want your solemn promise that when I die, you will take all of my money and put it in the casket with me. I plan to take my money to the afterlife with me. He made her promise with all her heart that when he died, she would put all of the money in the casket with him. Well, he died. He was stretched out in the casket, his wife was sitting there in black, and her friend Ann, was sitting next to her. When they finished the ceremony, just before the undertakers got ready to close the casket, Marilyn said, "Wait a minute!' She had a box with her, she came over with the box and put it in the casket. Then the undertakers locked the casket down, and they rolled it away to the crematorium. Ann said, "Marilyn, I know you weren't foolish enough to put all that money in there with George!" She said, "Listen, I'm a Christian. I can't go back on my word. I promised him that I was gonna put that money in that casket with him. "You mean to tell me you really put all of that money in that casket to be cremated with him!!!!? "I sure did," said the wife. "I wrote him a check for every last cent!" ___________________________________________________ | Today, July 18 in 0064 The Great Fire of Rome began. 1536 The authority of the pope was declared void in England. 1789 Robespierre, a deputy from Arras, France, decided to back the French Revolution. 1812 Great Britain signed the Treaty of Orebro, making peace with Russia and Sweden. 1830 Uruguay adopted a liberal constitution. 1914 Six planes of the U.S. Army helped to form an aviation division called the Signal Corps. 1932 The U.S. and Canada signed a treaty to develop the St. Lawrence Seaway. 1935 Ethiopian King Haile Selassie urged his countrymen to fight to the last man against the invading Italian army. 1936 The first Oscar Meyer Wienermobile rolled out of General Body Company's factory in Chicago, IL. 1936 The Spanish Civil War began as Gen. Francisco Franco led an uprising of army troops based in Spanish North Africa. 1942 The German Me-262, the first jet-propelled aircraft to fly in combat, made its first flight. 1944 U.S. troops captured Saint-Lo, France, ending the battle of the hedgerows. 1944 Hideki Tojo was removed as Japanese premier and war minister due to setbacks suffered by his country in World War II. 1947 U.S. President Truman signed the Presidential Succession Act, which placed the Speaker of the House and the Senate President Pro Tempore next in the line of succession after the vice president. 1971 New Zealand and Australia announced they would pull their troops out of Vietnam. 2001 A train derailed, involving 60 cars, in a Baltimore train tunnel. The fire that resulted lasted for six days and virtually closed down downtown Baltimore for several days. (Maryland) 2015 The Ebay spin-off of PayPal into a separate publicly traded company was completed. 2019 Do smiled. |
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