Good Morning, Do! Today is Sunday, October 4 ___________________________________________________ International Bonehead Award 350-Pound Thief In Motorized Scooter Caught Sitting On Stolen Walmart Steaks _____________________________________________________ Today, October 4 in 1535 The first complete English translation of the Bible was printed in Zurich, Switzerland. _____________________________________________________ I don't like to commit myself about heaven and hell-you see, I have friends in both places. --- Mark Twain (1835 - 1910) _____________________________________________________ Bubba and Joe were dragging their dead deer back to their car. Another experienced hunter approached pulling his along too. "Hey, guys, I don't want to tell you how to do something, but I can tell you that it's sure easier if you drag the deer in the other direction. Then the antlers won't dig into the ground." After the third hunter left, the boys decided to give it a try. A little while later Bubba said to Joe Bob, "You know, that guy was right. This is a lot easier!" Joe Bob said, "Yep... but we're getting farther and farther away from the truck!" _____________________________________________________ Petropavlovsk fortress on the Neva river in Saint Peterburg DT Gomez ___________________________________________________ Jill is sitting in the doctor's office when the doctor came in and said, "Jill, this isn't a urine sample you brought in. It's apple juice." "Oh my god" Jill said, "I've got to get to a phone." "Why?" asked the doctor. "I must have packed the other bottle in Joe's lunch box." ___________________________________________________ An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD has been earned by Rodney Fowler, 43, Spartanburg, South Carolina, USA 350-Pound Thief In Motorized Scooter Caught Sitting On Stolen Walmart Steaks A 350-pound Walmart shopper was arrested yesterday after he was found sitting atop five stolen rib eye steaks in the seat of a motorized scooter that he was riding around the South Carolina store. Rodney Fowler, 43, was spotted Tuesday afternoon placing the steaks in his scooter by a Walmart loss prevention officer, according to a police report. Suspect sat on the steaks and exited the store passing all points of sale, without attempting to pay for said merchandise, cops noted. The 5 5 Fowler was then confronted by the Walmart worker and escorted back into the store, where he was later arrested by police for shoplifting. Due to his size, the suspect was cuffed using two pairs of cuffs, investigators noted. Pictured above, Fowler spent about three hours in police custody before being released without bond. The fate of the rib eye steaks Fowler sat upon is not addressed in the police report (though heres hoping Walmart did not re-shelve the pressed meat) DearWebby's Tech Support Pits From: Liz RE: Facebook block Dear Webby, Facebook keeps blocking me about once a month. What can I do about that? Liz Dear Liz There is absolutely nothing you can do. Most likely you support the president and may even have an American flag in the background. Or a thin blue line. BLM and Antifa don't like that, so they will accuse you of being a racist. Facebook listens to them only. Since you don't threaten to burn them down, they don't give a hoot about you. Facebook protects real scammers like the Nigerian and Asian "419" scammers. If you try to report those scammers, FaceBook claims that they don't contravene against their "Community Standards". Luckily, those scammers are just as dense as FaceBook and you can detect and dump them easily with MailWasher. If you don't have MailWasher yet, just look for an Asian or African acting "excited" about a government grant. If you see that, it is the start of a "419" scam. Just dump it and block the address. Have FUN! DearWebby | If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can! | If you like my work,
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_____________________________________________ THE RULES OF CHOCOLATE Q: Why is there no such organization as Chocoholics Anonymous? A: Because no one wants to quit. Q: Is there life without chocolate? A: We don't know. No one dared to attempt it yet. If you've got melted chocolate all over your hands, you're eating it too slowly. Chocolate covered raisins, cherries, orange slices & strawberries all count as fruit, so eat as many as you want. The problem: How to get 2 pounds of chocolate home from the store in a hot car. The solution: Eat it in the parking lot. Diet tip: Eat a chocolate bar before each meal. It'll take the edge off your appetite, and you'll eat less. If calories are an issue, store your chocolate on top of the fridge. Calories are afraid of heights, and they will jump out of the chocolate to protect themselves. If I eat equal amounts of dark chocolate and white chocolate, is that a balanced diet? Don't they actually counteract each other? Money talks. Chocolate sings. Beautifully. Chocolate has many preservatives. Preservatives make you look younger. Therefore, you need to eat more chocolate. Put "eat chocolate" at the top of your list of things to do today. That way, at least you'll get one thing done. A nice box of chocolates can provide your total daily intake of calories in one place. Now, isn't that handy? If you can't eat all your chocolate, it will keep in the freezer. But if you can't eat all your chocolate, what's wrong with you? If not for chocolate, there would be no need for control top pantyhose. An entire garment industry would be devastated. You can't let that happen, can you? ____________________________________________ >From Gary The other day I was playing golf and saw an unusual thing. A golfer became so mad that he threw his brand new set of golf clubs into the lake. A few minutes later he came back, waded into the lake, and retrieved his clubs. He proceeded to take his car keys out of the bag -- then threw the clubs back into the water. ____________________________________________ Moisha Rabinowitz in the late 1930s fled his native land of Germany. He hid all his assets and converted it to gold and then had 5 sets of solid gold false teeth made. When he arrived in New York the customs official was perplexed as to why anybody would have 5 sets of gold teeth. So Moisha explained. "We Orthodox Jews have two separate sets of dishes for meat products and dairy products but I am so kosher and religious I also have separate sets of teeth." The customs official shook his head and said, "Well, that accounts for two sets of teeth. What about the other three?" Moisha then said "Vell us very religious Orthodox Jews use separate dishes for Passover, but I am so religious I have separate teeth, one for meat and one for dairy food. The customs official slapped his head and then said, "You must be a very religious man with separate teeth for food and dairy products and likewise for Passover. That accounts for four sets of teeth. What about the fifth set?" "Vell to tell you the truth, once in a while I like a ham sandwich." ____________________________________________ | Ophelia Dingbatter's NewsNo sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double opt-in confirmation request. |
___________________________________________________ | Today October 4 in 1535 The first complete English translation of the Bible was printed in Zurich, Switzerland. 1648 The first volunteer fire department was established in New York by Peter Stuyvesant. 1777 At Germantown, PA, Patriot forces and British forces both suffer heavy losses in battle. The battle was seen as British victory, which actually served as a moral boost to the Americans. 1876 The Agricultural and Mechanical College of Texas formally dedicated by Texas Gov. Richard Coke. It was the state's first venture into public higher education. The college opened for classed two days earlier. 1881 Edward Leveaux received a patent for the player piano. 1909 The first airship race in the U.S. took place in St. Louis, MO. 1915 The Dinosaur National Monument was established. The area covered part of Utah and Colorado. 1927 The first actual work of carving began on Mount Rushmore. 1940 Adolf Hitler and Benito Mussolini met in the Alps at Brenner Pass. Hitler was seeking help from Italy to fight the British. 1957 "Leave it to Beaver" debuted on CBS-TV. 1957 The Soviet Union launched Sputnik I into orbit around the Earth. Sputnik was the first manmade satellite to enter space. Sputnik I fell out of orbit on January 4, 1958. 1958 British Overseas Airways Corporation became the first jetliner to offer trans-Atlantic service to passengers with flights between London, England and New York. 1987 NFL owners used replacement personnel to play games despite the player's strike. 1990 The German parliament had its first meeting since reunification. 1992 The 16-year civil war in Mozambique ended. 1993 Russian Vice-President Alexander Rutskoi and Chairman Ruslan Khasbulatov surrendered to Boris Yeltsin after a ten-hour tank assault on the Russian White House. The two men had barricaded themselves in after Yeltsin called for general elections and dissolved the legislative body. 1993 Dozens of Somalis dragged an American soldier through the streets of Mogadishu. A videotape showed Michael Durant being taken prisoner by Somali militants. 1994 South African President Nelson Mandela was welcomed to the White House by U.S. President Clinton. 1998 The Vincent Van Gogh exhibit opened in Washington, DC. The exhibit featured 70 paintings. 1998 Davis Gaines performed as the Phantom in the show "Phantom of the Opera" for the 2,000th time. 2001 NATO granted the United States open access to their airfields and seaports and agreed to deploy ships and early- warning radar planes in the war on terrorism. 2001 In Washington, DC, Reagan National Airport re-opened. The airport had been closed since the terrorist attacks on the United States on September 11, 2001. 2004 SpaceShipOne reached an altitude of 368,000 feet. It was the first privately built, manned rocket ship to fly in space twice within a two week window. The ship won the Ansari X Prize of $10 million dollars for their success. 2020 Do smiled. |
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