Good Morning, Do! Today is Friday, May 7 Time to wear a bit of red to show your support for the troops! ___________________________________________________ If you can spare a coin, PLEASE hit PayPal with it! ___________________________________________________ Maryland woman set home on fire with person inside, then sat in lawn chair to watch ___________________________________________________ Today, May 7 in 1998 Daimler-Benz bought Chrysler Corp. for close to $40 billion. It was the largest industrial merger on record. ____________________________________________________ Elections are won by men and women chiefly because most people vote against somebody rather than for somebody. --- Franklin P. Adams (1881 - 1960) The perfect bureaucrat everywhere is the man who manages to make no decisions and escape all responsibility. --- Brooks Atkinson (1894 - 1984) There are three ways to get something done: do it yourself, hire someone, or forbid your kids to do it. ---Johann Wolfgang Goethe ____________________________________________________ "My wooden leg was hurting me something fierce last night," complained Art. That's impossible," said his neighbour, "How can a wooden leg hurt you?" The vet replied, "My old lady hit me over the head with it when I came home drunk." ____________________________________________________ A salesman was trying to talk a farmer into buying a bicycle, but was meeting with considerable sales resistance. "Shucks, I'd sooner spend my money on a cow," said the farmer. "Ah," replied the salesman, "but think how silly you'd look riding around on a cow." "Humph!" retorted the farmer. "Not near as silly as you would look trying to milk a bicycle!" ____________________________________________________ right before the storm last nite Wendy ____________________________________________________ An annoyingly self-righteous man went to the doctor for a check-up. He said, "I feel terrible. Please examine me and tell me what's wrong with me." "Let's begin with a few questions," said the doctor, "Do you drink much?" "Alcohol?" said the man. "I'm a teetotaler. Never touch a drop." "How about smoking?" asked the doctor. "Never," replied the man. "Tobacco is bad, and I have strong principles against it." "Well, uh." asked the doctor, "do you have much sex life?" "Oh, no," said the man. "Sex is sin. I'm in bed by 9:30 every night and I always have been." The doctor paused, looked at the man hard, and asked, "Do you have pains in your head?" "Yes," said the man. "I have terrible pains in my head." "O.K.," said the doctor. "That's your trouble. Your halo is on too tight!! ____________________________________________________ An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD has been earned by Gail Metwally, 47, Elkton, Maryland, USA Maryland woman set home on fire with person inside, then sat in lawn chair to watch A Maryland woman set her home on fire with a person inside it and then sat outside in a lawn chair to watch, according to law enforcement. The Deputy State Fire Marshals say 47-year-old Gail Metwally set several fires inside the home on Cherry Lane in Elkton. When firefighters arrived, they say the house was engulfed in flame, and Metwally had been sitting in a lawn chair watching the scene. She later walked away. Witnesses said another person could be heard crying for help in the basement, and they helped her up through a window. Cecil County sheriffs deputies caught Metwally in the area and transported her to a State Police barrack. After the fire marshals investigation, Metwally was sharged with first and second-degree attempted murder, first-degree arson, first-degree assault, two counts of first-degree malicious burning, two counts of malicious destruction of property and two counts of reckless endangerment. Metwally shared the house with three other people. Two of the residents were not home. DearWebby's Tech Support Pits FROM: Robert RE: Fake FB friend requests Dear Webby Lately I have received 3-4 friend requests from FB, they are all from alleged women, who have not filled out their profile, and have just one picture, that appears to be stolen from some porno site. Needless to say, my wife gets quite annoyed about it all, and accuses me of inviting the bimbos. What can I do to stop that, without blocking legitimate frined requests, that my wife gets? Robert Dear Robert You can't stop that. Keep in mind that FB is a Stalinist dictatorship, and they really don't give a hoot about you. They make Billions from ads on the phony friend requests, and blocking the ads does not seem to stop them. Just use Skype or ZOOM with real friends. Nobody listens to you on FB anyway. Have FUN! DearWebby In the dorm, one of the favorite intramural sports was water fights. Dousing and bombarding one another with water from squirt guns, glasses, balloons, even wastebaskets. Since each room had a sink, there was endless ammunition. The most frequent target was the resident assistant. Approaching his room one afternoon, he noticed his door was ajar. Looking up, he saw a pail of water balanced on the door's edge, ready to fall on him. As he took down the pail and emptied it into his sink, he thought, 'Those crazy guys actually thought they could fool me with that old gag!' It was then he realized that "those crazy guys" had removed the drainpipe beneath the sink and turned the "U" shaped part of it to point just below his waistline. | If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can! | If you like my work,
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_____________________________________________ A girl phoned George the other day and said, "Come on over, there's nobody home." He went over. Nobody was home. ___________________________________________ A tourist parked his car in downtown Washington, D.C. He said to a man standing near the curb, "Listen, I'm going to be only a couple of minutes. Would you watch my car while I run into this store?" "What?" the man huffed. "Do you realize that I am a member of the United States Senate?" "Well no," the tourist said, "I didn't realize that. Guess I better find somebody a bit more trustworthy!"" ____________________________________________ The drill sergeant making his morning announcements to a group of newcomers in a training camp, stated: "Today, gentlemen, I have some good news and some bad news. First, the good. Private Brandy will be setting the pace on our morning run.' With this the platoon was overjoyed, as Private Brandy was overweight and terribly slow. But then the drill sergeant finished his statement: "Now for the bad news. Private Brandy will be driving the ambulance, that we might need for those who don't manage to stay ahead of me." ___________________________________________________ | Ophelia Dingbatter's NewsNo sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double opt-in confirmation request. |
___________________________________________________ | Today, May 7 in 0558 The dome of the church of St. Sophia in Constantinople collapsed. It was immediately rebuilt as ordered by Justinian. 1429 The English siege of Orleans was broken by Joan of Arc. 1525 The German peasants' revolt was crushed by the ruling class and church. 1763 Indian chief Pontiac began all out war on the British in New York. 1789 The first U.S. Presidential Inaugural Ball was held in New York City. 1800 The U.S. Congress divided the Northwest Territory into two parts. The western part became the Indiana Territory and the eastern section remained the Northwest Territory. 1847 The AMA (American Medical Association) was organized in Philadelphia, PA. 1912 The first airplane equipped with a machine gun flew over College Park, MD. 1915 The Lusitania, a civilian ship, was sunk by a German submarine. 1,201 people were killed. 1926 A U.S. report showed that one-third of the nation's exports were motors. 1937 The German Condor Legion arrived in Spain to assist Francos forces. 1939 Germany and Italy announced a military and political alliance known as the Rome-Berlin Axis. 1940 Winston Churchill became British Prime Minister. 1942 In the Battle of the Coral Sea, Japanese and American navies attacked each other with carrier planes. It was the first time in the history of naval warfare where two enemy fleets fought without seeing each other. 1943 The last major German strongholds in North Africa, Tunis and Bizerte, fell to Allied forces. 1945 Germany signed unconditional surrender ending World War II. It would take effect the next day. 1946 Tokyo Telecommunications Engineering Corp. was founded. The company was later renamed Sony. 1951 Russia was admitted to participate in the 1952 Olympic Games by the International Olympic Committee. 1954 French Colonial Forces surrendered to the Vietminh at Dien Bien Phu after 55 days of fighting. 1958 Howard Johnson set an aircraft altitude record in F-104. 1960 Leonid Brezhnev became president of the Soviet Union. 1975 U.S. President Ford declared an end to the Vietnam War. 1977 Rookie Janet Guthrie set the fastest time on opening day of practice for the Indianapolis 500. Her speed was 185.607. 1984 A $180 million out-of-court settlement was announced in the Agent Orange class-action suit brought by Vietnam veterans who claimed they had suffered injury from exposure to the defoliant while serving in the armed forces. 1992 A 203-year-old proposed constitutional amendment barring the U.S. Congress from giving itself a midterm pay raise was ratified as the 27th Amendment. 1994 The Edvard Munch painting "The Scream" was recovered after being stolen 3 months earlier from an Oslo Museum. This version of "The Scream", one of four different versions, was painted on paper. 1996 The trial of Serbian police officer Dusan Tadic opened in the Netherlands. He was later convicted on murder-torture charges and was sentenced to 20 years in prison. 1997 A report released by the U.S. government said that Switzerland provided Nazi Germany with equipment and credit during World War II. Germany exchanged for gold what had been plundered or stolen. Switzerland did not comply with postwar agreements to return the gold. 1998 Daimler-Benz bought Chrysler Corp. for close to $40 billion. It was the largest industrial merger on record. 1998 Residents of London voted to elect their own mayor for the first time in history. The vote would take place in May 2000. 1999 A jury ruled that "The Jenny Jones Show" and Warner Bros. were liable in the shooting death of Scott Amedure. He was killed by another guest on the show. The jury's award was $25 million. 1999 In Belgrade, Yugoslavia, three Chinese citizens were killed and 20 were wounded when a NATO plane mistakenly bombed the Chinese embassy. 1999 In Guinea-Bissau, the government of President Joo Bernardo Vieira was ousted in a military coup. 2000 Russian President Vladimir V. Putin named First Deputy Premier Mikhail Kasyanov as premier. 2003 In Washington, DC, General Motors Corp. delivered six fuel cell vehicles to Capitol Hill for lawmakers and others to test drive during the next two years. 2021 Do smiled. |
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