Good Morning, Do! Today is Sunday, May 29 Thank yoou, Nancy !! ___________________________________________________ Bonehead Award Man arrested for hit-and-run death of bicyclist ___________________________________________________ History 1912, Fifteen women were dismissed from their jobs at the Curtis Publishing Company in Philadelphia, PA, for dancing the Turkey Trot while on the job. ______________________________________________________ If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can! __________________________________________________ Writing is not necessarily something to be ashamed of, but do it in private and wash your hands afterwards. --- Robert Heinlein (1907 - 1988) Selfishness is not living as one wishes to live, it is asking others to live as one wishes to live. --- Oscar Wilde (1854 - 1900) The income tax has made more liars out of the American people than golf has. --- Will Rogers (1879 - 1935) ___________________________________________________ Jill: I just don't understand the attraction golf holds for men. Mary: TELL me about it! I went golfing with my ex one time, and he told me I asked too many questions! Jill: Well, I'm sure you were just trying to understand the game. What questions did you ask? Mary: I thought I asked legitimate questions..like, "Why did you hit the ball into that lake?" ___________________________________________________ An Asian man visiting New York walks into a bank to exchange 20,000 yen and receives $150. He goes back a week later to exchange another 20,000 yen but this time he's only given $146. He asks the teller why he got more the first time, and the teller replies,"Fluctuations." "Oh yeh?" the Asian man says, "fluc u amelicans, too!" ___________________________________________________ An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD has been earned by Fernando Ramos, BUCKEYE, Arizona, USA Man arrested for hit-and-run death of bicyclist A Buckeye man is under arrest and accused of hitting and killing a bicyclist and then leaving the scene on May 21. Police say Fernando Ramos was driving a pickup truck when he collided with 60-year-old George Cooper, who was riding a bike. The wreck happened near Jackrabbit Trail and Beloat Road. Deputies pulled over Ramos about nine miles away and took him into custody. They say Ramos was not impaired this time but was going about 60 mph in a 45 mph zone. Records show he has a big history of arrests and served time for counts including DUI. ___________________________________________________ The only 15 letter word that can be spelled without repeating a letter is uncopyrightable. ___________________________________________________ if you can spare a coin, please hit paypal with it! ___________________________________________________ The ninety-five year old woman at the nursing home received a visit from one of her fellow church members. "How are you feeling?" the visitor asked. "Oh," said the lady, "I'm just worried sick!" "What are you worried about, dear?" her friend asked. "You look like you're in good health. They are taking care of you, aren't they?" "Yes, they are taking very good care of me." "Are you in any pain?" she asked. "No, I have never had a pain in my life." "Well, what are you worried about?" her friend asked again. The lady leaned back in her rocking chair and slowly explained her major worry. "Every close friend I ever had has already died and gone on to heaven. I'm afraid they're all wondering where I went." ____________________________________________________ Linda ___________________________________________________ Pope John Paul II published his first encyclical "Redemptor Hominis." In the work he warned of the growing gap between the rich and poor. Jesus had noticed that too, over 2000 years earlier. ____________________________________________________ If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can! ______________________________________________________ DearWebby's Tech Support Pits From: James Re: Uninstall Windows 10 Dear Webby, how do i uninstall their new version??it has messed up everything on my computer! I tried the normal way to install it but it wont if theres a windows window open.Which has to be to use the control panel.Do i need to reset my whole laptop? I am running win10 on top of it lol James Dear James Unfortunately, once you have sold your soul, any remorse is too late. If your laptop originally was a W7, you can back up all the files, that you want to keep, like spreadsheets, documents, addresses, mail, paintings, pictures, etc., onto a removable USB hard drive or camera chip, double and triple check to make sure you got everything, then contact the maker of that machine and ask how to do a factory reset. That will nuke everything and put the machine back to the way it was, when it left the factory in China. Good Luck! Have FUN! DearWebby ______________________________________________________ As the high school teacher was correcting essays written by her students she read, "Pedro jumped on his burrow and rode off into the sunset." She wrote at the bottom of the page, "You obviously have problems with homonyms. A burrow is a hole in the ground. A burro is an ass. At your age it's time to learn the difference." | If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can! | If you like my work,
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_____________________________________________ >From Ellen A woman in our diet club was lamenting that she had gained weight. She'd made her family's favorite cake over the weekend, she reported, and they'd eaten half of it at dinner. Her husband teased her and said she would never be able to stay away from the other half until dinner the next night. The next day, she said, she kept staring at the other half, until finally she cut a thin slice for herself. One slice led to another, and soon the whole cake was gone. The woman went on to tell us how upset she was with her lack of willpower, and how she knew her husband would rub it in. Everyone commiserated, until someone asked what her husband said when he found out. She smiled. "He never found out. I made another cake and ate half!" ______________________________________________ A hot shot East Coast newspaper reporter was on assignment in Arkansas, when he struck up a conversation with a young lady in a bar. After a half dozen drinks, he suggested they get their own bottle and retire to his motel room, and she readily agreed. "Say, how old are you anyway?" the reporter asked as the obviously young lass was disrobing. "Thirteen," she replied with a shy smile. "Thirteen ??? My God, girl !!! You get those clothes back on at once at get the hell outta here ! Are you crazy ?" he thundered. Pausing briefly at the door as she left, the perplexed nymphet smiled and said, "Superstitious, huh ?" ______________________________________________ | Ophelia Dingbatter's NewsNo sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double opt-in confirmation request. |
Bumper Sticker: "I still miss my ex, but my aim is improving." ___________________________________________________ | Today, May 29, in 1453, Constantinople fell to Ottoman Sultan Mehmed II, ending the Byzantine Empire. 1660, Charles II was restored to the English throne after the Puritan Commonwealth. 1721, South Carolina was formally incorporated as a royal colony. 1765, Patrick Henry denounced the Stamp Act before Virginia's House of Burgesses. 1790, Rhode Island became the last of the original thirteen colonies to ratify the U.S. Constitution. 1827, The first nautical school opened in Nantucket, MA, under the name Admiral Sir Isaac Coffins Lancasterian School. 1849, A patent for lifting vessels was granted to Abraham Lincoln. 1910, An airplane raced a train from Albany, NY, to New York City. The airplane pilot Glenn Curtiss won the $10,000 prize. 1912, Fifteen women were dismissed from their jobs at the Curtis Publishing Company in Philadelphia, PA, for dancing the Turkey Trot while on the job. 1916, U.S. forces invaded Dominican Republic and remained until 1924. 1922, Ecuador became independent. 1922, The U.S. Supreme Court ruled that organized baseball was a sport, not subject to antitrust laws. 1932, World War I veterans began arriving in Washington, DC. to demand cash bonuses they were not scheduled to receive for another 13 years. 1951, C.F. Blair became the first man to fly over the North Pole in single engine plane. 1953, Edmund Hillary and Sherpa Tenzing Norgay became first men to reach the top of Mount Everest. 1962, Buck (John) ONeil became the first black coach in major league baseball when he accepted the job with the Chicago Cubs. 1973, Tom Bradley was elected the first black mayor of Los Angeles. 1974, U.S. President Nixon agreed to turn over 1,200 pages of edited Watergate transcripts. 1981, The U.S. performed a nuclear test at the Nevada Test Site. 1985, Thirty-nine people were killed and 400 were injured in a riot at a European Cup soccer match in Brussels, Belgium. 1986, Colonel Oliver North told National Security Advisor William McFarlane that profits from weapons sold to Iran were being diverted to the Contras. 1988, U.S. President Reagan began his first visit to the Soviet Union in Moscow. 1988, NBC aired "To Heal A Nation," the story of Jan Scruggs' effort to build the Vietnam Veterans Memorial. 1990, Boris Yeltsin was elected president of the Russian republic by the Russian parliament. 1997, The ruling party in Indonesia, Golkar, won the Parliament election by a record margin. There was a boycott movement and rioting that killed 200 people. 1999, Space shuttle Discovery completed the first docking with the International Space Station. 2000, Fiji's military took control of the nation and declared martial law following a coup attempt by indigenous Fijians in mid-May. 2001, In New York, four followers of Osama bin Laden were convicted of a global conspiracy to murder Americans. The crimes included the 1998 bombings of two U.S. embassies in Africa that killed 224 people. 2001, The U.S. Supreme Court ruled that disabled golfer Casey Martin could use a cart to ride in tournaments. 2015, The Obama adminstration removed Cuba from the U.S. terrorism blacklist. The two countries had severed diplomatic relations in January of 1961. 2022 Do smiled. |
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