Good Morning, Do! Today is Thursday, March 2 Today I have to go to Calgary for injections into my eyeballs. Barb, who used to be my secretary, when donations were more frequent and larger, will drive me there and back. That means no Humor Letter on Friday, Sturday and Sunday. Thank you, Nancy!  | 1411If you like my work,
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___________________________________________________ History: on this day, March 2, in 2016, Astronaut Scott Kelly returned to Earth after 340 days in space aboard the International Space Station. ____________________________________________________ Bonehead Award: Phoenix man arrested in connection with 18-month-old child's murder __________________________________________________ Q A rumor without a leg to stand on will get around some other way. --- John Tudor ________________________________________________ Good Morning, Helmut-End-Of-List! Today is Friday, July 30 Time to wear a bit of red to show your support for the troops! ___________________________________________________ If you can spare a coin, PLEASE hit PayPal with it! ___________________________________________________ Mother kills husband with boiling water after he allegedly sexually abused children ___________________________________________________ Today, July 30 in 2003 In Mexico, the last 'old style' Volkswagen Beetle rolled off an assembly line. ____________________________________________________ The wisdom of the wise, and the experience of ages, may be preserved by quotation. --- Benjamin Disraeli (1804 - 1881) ____________________________________________________ On a Northwest Airways flight from Atlanta, GA., a middle- aged, well-to-do woman found herself sitting next to a man wearing a kippa. She called the attendant over to complain about her seating. 'What seems to be the problem Madam?' asked the attendant. You've sat me next to a Jew!! I can't possibly sit next to this disgusting person. Find me another seat!' 'Please calm down Madam.' the attendant replied. 'The flight is very full today, but I'll tell you what I'll do. I'll go and check to see if we have any seats available in club or first class.' The woman shoots a snooty look at the snubbed Jewish man beside her (not to mention many of the surrounding passengers). A few minutes later the attendant returned. The woman could not help but look at the people around her with a smug and self-satisfied grin. The flight attendant then says...'Madam, unfortunately, as I suspected, economy is full. I've spoken to the cabin services director, and club is also full. However, we do have one seat in first class.' Before the lady has a chance to respond, the attendant continues...'It is most extraordinary to make this kind of upgrade, however, and I had to get special permission from the captain. But, given the circumstances, the captain felt that it was outrageous that someone should be forced to sit next to such a person.' The flight attendant turned to the Jewish man sitting next to her, and said: 'So if you'd like to get your things, sir, I have your seat in first class ready for you... The lady says indignantly 'I think that The Captain must have made some kind of mistake.' To which the attendant replied,' No M'am. Captain Aaron Cohen never makes any mistakes.' ____________________________________________________ Samir Djail PeoMdgua, South Australia, July 27 ____________________________________________________ A beautiful young woman is getting dressed for work one morning in her high-rise apartment building. She glances out her fiftieth-story bedroom window and sees a window washer outside. Thinking she will rattle him, she slowly takes off her dress. The window washer just goes about the business of cleaning the windows. Next, she removes her slip in a very provocative manner. Still, the man just keeps working away. Taking her striptease to the full extent, she takes off her bra and panties and begins parading around her room. The window washer still takes no notice of her. Finally, the woman walks over to the window and just stands there, totally naked, staring at the man outside her window. At last the window washer puts down his pail and says, "What's the matter, lady, haven't you ever seen a window washer before?" ________________________________________________ The company I worked for had an employee-suggestion competition, the entire staff was to submit entries that would save money for the firm. The winner was a man in my department who suggested we post corporate memos on bulletin boards, instead of printing 200 individual copies for distribution. He got a helium balloon with the company logo and one share of stock. A memo announcing the prize was printed and mailed out to 200 people who walked past the bulletin board every day. __________________________________________________  Samir Djail PeoMdgua, South Australia _________________________________________________ Thanks to Roland for this one: An elderly couple was watching television one evening. "I am going to get a dish of ice cream now," the wife said. Kindly, the husband offered to get the ice cream for his wife. "I'll write it down so you don't forget," she said. "I won't forget," the old gent said. "But, I want chocolate syrup and nuts on it. So, I'll write it down," she replied. "I will get you the ice cream. Don't you worry," replied the husband. A few minutes later, the old man returned with bacon and eggs. His wife said, "See, I should have written it down because you forgot the toast." ________________________________________________ An important politician was seen moving around with a film actress for a couple of months, with whom he finally decided to plunge into matrimony. But, being cautious, he hired a private detective for the job of looking into her past and finding out if she had any previous affairs with any men. After a few days, the politician at last received his detective's report, which went like this: "Sir, this lady has a spotless reputation. Her past is clear, her family and friends all come from a very respectable background. No one has anything against her character. But yes, according to my sources, for the last couple of months she's been frequently seen flirting with a politician with a rather dubious reputation." ____________________________________________________  ___________________________________________________ A reporter from New York was visiting an old colleague who now edited a newspaper in a tiny Vermont town. "I don't see how you do it," the NY reporter said. "How can you drum up interest in the news when everybody in town knows what everybody else is doing and with whom?" "Sure they know," the editor said, "but they read the paper to see who got caught at it." ___________________________________________________ A cute young secretary wore tight knit dresses that showed off her figure, especially when she walked. And she enjoyed showing off. One afternoon her boss motioned her into his office and closed the door. Pointing to her tightly covered derriere, he asked, "Is that for sale?" "Of course not!" she snapped angrily, blushing furiously. Unchanged, he replied quietly, "Then, I suggest you might want to tone down the advertising during working hours." __________________________________________________ An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD has been earned by  Diego Garcia, 23, Phoenix, Arizona, USA Phoenix man arrested in connection with 18-month-old child's murder Phoenix Police officials say a 23-year-old man has been arrested in connection with the death of an infant. According to court documents we obtained, Diego Miguel Garcia was arrested in the early morning hours of Feb. 2. The incident began to unfold during the late-night hours of Feb. 1, when Phoenix Fire crews responded to a 911 call at a home in the area of Central Avenue and Baseline Road for a child with visible signs of trauma. The home, according to police, was that of the victim's grandmother. The child was taken to the hospital, where doctors found injuries to the head and lip, as well as bruising to the left cheek, back, and abdomen. The child eventually died on the morning of Feb. 2. The victim's grandmother, according to investigators, said that her daughter, who was the victim's mother, ran to her house with the victim. At around 5:30 p.m. on Feb. 1, the victim's mother left her home for her part time job, and left the victim to Garcia, who was the woman's live-in boyfriend. Garcia's 5-year-old child was also at the home. When the victim's mother returned at around 10:30 p.m., she found the victim with various injuries. "The mother put cold water on the child's face, and the child did not respond," read a portion of the court documents. "The mother then took her child to the grandmother's house for assistance, and asked her to call 911. The grandmother saw the child before calling 911, and noticed injuries which were not present earlier when she had watched the child." Investigators say they interviewed Garcia at the Phoenix Police headquarters during the early morning hours of Feb. 2, after he was read his Miranda rights. During the interview, Garcia gave multiple versions of what happened, and the multiple accounts were not consistent with the injuries to the victim, nor was it consistent to the scene. Garcia, according to police, had been in a domestic relationship with the victim's mother for about four to six weeks, and had been living at the victim's home for about 30 days. "[Garcia] had never been given permission to physically discipline the victim," read a portion of the court documents. "He had no legal parental rights to the victim, and he was not biologically related to the victim." According to court documents, Garcia is accused of Child Abuse and 1st Degree Murder. A judge has set a cash-only appearance bond of $2 million. ____________________________________________________ An oldie from the Reagan era: It was a celebratory mood with the boys at NASA; they had just made the scientific achievement of a lifetime. As they were uncorking a bottle of champagne, Dr. Braun, the head scientist at NASA, asked everyone to be quiet as he had received a congratulatory phone call from the President of the United States. He picked up a special red phone, and spoke into it. "Mr. President," said Dr. Braun, grinning broadly, "after twelve years of hard research and billions of dollars spent, we have finally found intelligent life on Mars." He listened for a second, and his smile gradually disappeared, replaced by a frown. He said, "But that's impossible . . . we could never do it. . . yes Mr. President," and hung up the phone. He addressed the crowd of scientists staring at him curiously. "I have some bad news," he said, "the President said that now that we've found intelligent life on Mars . . . he wants us to try to find it in Congress." _________________________________________________ DearWebby's Tech Support Pits From:Jody Re: Capture picture off FB Dear Webby How do I capture a picture off Facebook before it disappears? Jody Dear Jody Click on the picture to make it bigger. Then LEFT click it and select COPY IMAGE. Jump to your favorite picture processing program. ANY of them will work, even Microsoft PAINT. Go in there and hit CTRL V That will paste the copied picture as a new image. ALT F Save AS lets you give it a file name. Then you can size it and annotate it and do anything you want with it. Have FUN! DearWebby _________________________________________________ Today, March 2 in 1807, The U.S. Congress passed an act to "prohibit the importation of slaves into any port or place within the jurisdiction of the United States... from any foreign kingdom, place, or country." 1836, Texas declared its independence from Mexico and an ad interim government was formed. 1861, The U.S. Congress created the Territory of Nevada. 1866, Excelsior Needle Company began making sewing machine needles. 1877, In the U.S., Rutherford B. Hayes was declared the winner of the 1876 presidential election by the U.S. Congress. Samuel J. Tilden, however, had won the popular vote on November 7, 1876. 1887, The American Trotting Association was organized in Detroit, MI. 1897, U.S. President Cleveland vetoed legislation that would have required a literacy test for immigrants entering the country. 1899, Mount Rainier National Park in Washington was established by the U.S. Congress. 1899, U.S. President McKinley signed a measure that created the rank of Admiral for the U.S. Navy. The first admiral was George Dewey. 1900, The U.S. Congress voted to give $2 million in aid to Puerto Rico. 1901, The first telegraph company in Hawaii opened. 1901, The U.S. Congress passed the Platt amendment as a condition for withdrawal of U.S. troops. 1903, The Martha Washington Hotel opened for business in New York City. The hotel had 416 rooms and was the first hotel exclusively for women. 1906, A tornado in Mississippi killed 33 and did $5 million in damage. 1907, In Hamburg, Germany, dock workers went on strike after the end of the night shift. British strike breakers were brought in. The issue was settled on April 22, 1907. 1908, In New York, the Committee of the Russian Republican Administration was founded. 1908, In Paris, Gabriel Lippmann introduced three- dimensional color photography at the Academy of Sciences. 1917, The Russian Revolution began with Czar Nicholas II abdicating. 1917, Citizens of Puerto Rico were granted U.S. citizenship with the enactment of the Jones Act. 1925, State and federal highway officials developed a nationwide route-numbering system and adopted the familiar U.S. shield-shaped, numbered marker. 1929, The U.S. Court of Customs & Patent Appeals was created by the U.S. Congress. 1933, The motion picture King Kong had its world premiere in New York. 1939, The Massachusetts legislature voted to ratify the Bill of Rights to the U.S. Constitution. These first ten amendments had gone into effect 147 years before. 1946, Ho Chi Minh was elected President of Vietnam. 1949, The B-50 Superfortress Lucky Lady II landed in Fort Worth, TX. The American plane had completed the first non-stop around-the-world flight. 1962, Wilt 'The Stilt' Chamberlain scored 100 points against the New York Knicks 169-147. Chamberlain broke several NBA records in the game. 1969, In Toulouse, France, the supersonic transport Concorde made its first test flight. 1983, The U.S.S.R. performed an underground nuclear test. 1984, The first McDonald's franchise was closed. A new location was opened across the street from the old location in Des Plaines, IL. 1985, The U.S. government approved a screening test for AIDS to be used to keep infected blood from entering the blood supply. 1986, Corazon Aquino was sworn into office as president of the Philippines. Her first public declaration was to restore the civil rights of the citizens of her country. 1987, The U.S. government reported that the median price for a new home had gone over $100,000 for the first time. 1989, Representatives from the 12 European Community nations all agreed to ban all production of CFCs (chlorofluorocarbons) by the end of the 20th century. 1995, Russian anti-corruption journalist Vladislav Listyev was killed by a gunman in Moscow. 1995, Nick Leeson was arrested for his role in the collapse of Britain's Barings Bank. 1998, The U.N. Security Council endorsed U.N. chief Kofi Annan's deal to open Iraq's presidential palaces to arms inspectors. 1998, Images from the American spacecraft Galileo indicated that the Jupiter moon Europa has a liquid ocean and a source of interior heat. 2000, In Great Britain, Chile's former President Augusto Pinochet Ugarte was freed from house arrest and allowed to return to Chile. Britain's Home Secretary Jack Straw had concluded that Pinochet was mentally and physically unable to stand trial. Belgium, France, Spain and Switzerland had sought the former Chilean leader on human-rights violations. 2003, Over the Sea of Japan, there was a confrontation between four armed North Korean fighter jets and a U.S. RC-135S Cobra Ball. No shots were fired in the encounter in international airspace about 150 miles off North Korea's coast. The U.S. Air Force announced that it would resume reconnaissance flights on March 12. 2004, NASA announced that the Mars rover Opportunity had discovered evidence that water had existed on Mars in the past. 2011, Steve Jobs unveiled Apple's iPad 2. 2016, The U.N. Security Council unanimously approved sanctions on North Korea that included mandatory inspections of cargo leaving and entering North Korea, a ban on all sales and transfers of small arms and light weapons and expulsion of diplomats that engage in "illicit activities." The sanctions were in reaction to the latest nuclear test and rocket launch in defiance of a ban on all nuclear-related activity. 2016, Astronaut Scott Kelly returned to Earth after 340 days in space aboard the International Space Station. 2023, Do smiled.
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