Good Morning, Do! Today is Saturday, January 2 ___________________________________________________ If you can spare a coin, PLEASE hit PayPal with it! ___________________________________________________ International Bonehead Award Cops carry out staged murder-for-hire, sting dogged Florida inmate ___________________________________________________ Today, January 1 in 1892 Ellis Island opened as America's first federal immigration center. Annie Moore, at age 15, became the first person to pass through. _____________________________________________________ Illegal aliens have always been a problem in the United States. Ask any Indian. --- Robert Orben _____________________________________________________ He said a woman brought her baby to see him, and he determined right away that the baby had an earache. He wrote a prescription for ear drops. In the directions he wrote, "Put two drops in right ear every four hours" and he abbreviated "right" as an R with a circle around it. Several days passed, and the woman returned with her baby, complaining that the baby still had an earache, and his little behind was getting really greasy with all those drops of oil. The doctor looked at the bottle of ear drops and sure enough, the pharmacist had typed the following instructions on the label: "Put two drops in R ear every four hours." _____________________________________________________ Northern Pygmy Owl, Calgary Kristen Thorell-Stewart ___________________________________________________ A principal is making his rounds in the school when he hears a terrible commotion coming from one of the classrooms. He rushes in and spots one boy, taller than the others, who seems to be making the most noise. He seizes the lad, drags him to the hall, and tells him to wait there until he is excused. Returning to the classroom, the principal restores order and lectures the class for half an hour about the importance of good behavior. "Now," he says, "are there any questions?" One girl stands up timidly. "Please sir," she asks, "may we have our teacher back?" ___________________________________________________ An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD has been earned by Christopher Hoar, 56, in jail, Florida, USA Cops carry out staged murder-for-hire, sting dogged Florida inmate The below photo of a female murder victim--snapped by a Florida sheriff's investigator--is not what it appears to be. For the second time in nine months, the woman's former husband, Christopher Hoar, a 56-year-old carpenter, has been charged with soliciting her murder from his jail cell (he was originally locked up last October for threatening her with a gun). According to Martin County sheriff's investigators, a prison snitch reported last month that Hoar again was seeking to have his ex-wife Marcia whacked. With the source's assistance, an undercover cop met with Hoar on August 6 and agreed to handle the killing in exchange for the inmate's 2000 Toyota and $10,000. The helpful Hoar even prepared a map of his wife's Jensen Beach home and a bill of sale for the auto (which was being turned over for 'services rendered' by the supposed hit man). To convince Hoar that the murder was carried out, Marcia agreed to pose for photos 'in which she would be depicted as dead.' After preparing some fake blood, Sgt. John Silvas 'placed Mrs. Hoar on the floor by the front door' and put the blood near her head to give the impression that 'she suffered a gunshot wound to the head,' according to an arrest affidavit. The photos of the staged murder scene were then given to the snitch, who showed them to a 'very happy' Hoar, who remarked that he had the 'best alibi' due to his imprisonment. Hoar was charged Friday with solicitation to commit first degree murder, a charge with which he is familiar, having been hit with the same count last November. If convicted of the various felonies, Hoar (who is pictured in the mug shot above) could spend decades as a Sunshine State ward. Why anybody would want to kill a gorgeous lady like her, is a mystery to me. The perp is obviously insane! DearWebby's Tech Support Pits From: Rhonda Re: Clean temp files and obsolete stuff Dear Webby, Which of the hundreds of programs available for cleaning old temp files and other useless stuff is the most bang for the buck ? Thanks Rhonda Dear Rhonda Try CrapCleaner. It does the same as programs costing over $100, but it's free, fast, easy to use and reliable.. You can get it from http://www.ccleaner.com I have had a link to it in the right side side margin for about 25 years. Have FUN! DearWebby | If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can! | If you like my work,
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_____________________________________________ There is the story of a priest who got up one Sunday and announced to his congregation: "I have good news and bad news. The good news is, we have enough money to pay for our new building program. The bad news is, the money is still out there in your pockets." ____________________________________________ During exams at England's Cambridge University, a bright young student asks the proctor to bring him cakes and ale. "Sorry, no," says the proctor. "Sir, I really must insist," says the student, taking out a copy of the 400 year old Laws of Cambridge, written in Latin and still nominally in effect. He points to a section which reads (roughly translated): "Gentlemen sitting examinations may request and require cakes and ale." The proctor gives in, but since cakes and ale aren't readily available, he and the student agree that hamburgers and beer can be substituted, and the student sits there, writing his examination and happily slurping away. Three weeks later, the same student is fined five pounds for not wearing a sword to the examination. ____________________________________________ A young woman confides to a friend that she wants to quit smoking, but nothing she does seems to work. "Have you tried the patch?" her friend asks. "No, that's one thing I haven't tried," the woman says, "because I'm not sure it works." Says her friend, "I'm sure it would, if you put it over your mouth." ____________________________________________ | Ophelia Dingbatter's NewsNo sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double opt-in confirmation request. |
___________________________________________________ | Today Jan 2 in 1492 The leader of the last Arab stronghold in Spain surrendered to Spanish forces loyal to King Ferdinand II and Queen Isabella I. 1842 In Fairmount, PA, the first wire suspension bridge was opened to traffic. 1859 Erastus Beadle published "The Dime Book of Practical Etiquette." 1872 Brigham Young, the 71-year-old leader of the Mormon Church, was arrested on a charge of bigamy. He had 25 wives. 1879 Thomas Edison began construction on his first generator. 1882 The Standard Oil Trust agreement was completed and dated. The document transferred the stock and property of more than 40 companies into the control of nine trustees lead by John D. Rockefeller. This was the first example of what became known as a holding company. 1890 Alice Sanger became the first female White House staffer. 1892 Ellis Island opened as America's first federal immigration center. Annie Moore, at age 15, became the first person to pass through. 1900 U.S. Secretary of State John Hay announced the Open Door Policy to prompt trade with China. 1900 The Chicago Canal opened. 1917 Royal Bank of Canada took over the Quebec Bank. 1921 The first religious broadcast on radio was heard on KDKA Radio in Pittsburgh, PA, as Dr. E.J. Van Etten of Calvary Episcopal Church preached. 1929 The United States and Canada reached an agreement on joint action to preserve Niagara Falls. 1935 Bruno Richard Hauptmann went on trial for the kidnap-murder of Charles Lindberghs baby. Hauptmann was found guilt and executed. 1942 The Philippine capital of Manila was captured by Japanese forces during World War II. 1953 "The Life of Riley" debuted on NBC-TV. 1955 Panamanian President Jose Antonio Remon was assassinated. 1968 Fidel Castro announced petroleum and sugar rationing in Cuba. 1974 U.S. President Richard M. Nixon signed a bill requiring all states to lower the maximum speed limit to 55 MPH. The law was intended to conserve gasoline supplies during an embargo imposed by Arab oil-producing countries. Federal speed limits were abolished in 1995. 1991 Sharon Pratt Dixon was sworn in as mayor of Washington, DC. She was the first black woman to head a city of that size and prominence. 1996 AT&T announced that it would eliminate 40,000 jobs over three years. 1998 Russia began circulating new rubles in effort to keep inflation in check and promote confidence. 2004 NASA's Stardust space probe collected samples from the comet Wild 2. The samples returned to Earth on January 15, 2006. 2008 The price of oil hit $100 per barrell for the first time. 2020 Do smiled. |
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