Good Morning, Do! Today is Thursday, January 16 ___________________________________________________ Today, January 16 in 1991 The White House announced the start of Operation Desert Storm. The operation was designed to drive Iraqi forces out of Kuwait and to fix Saddam Hussein's wagon. ______________________________________________________ | If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can! | http://clients.webby.com/inv/maidan/index.html |
Today's Bonehead Award: Woman admits hauling 60 pounds of meth through Kansas __________________________________________ If you like the Humor Letter, please vote! _______________________________________________ The greatest of faults, I should say, is to be conscious of none. --- Thomas Carlyle Few people can see genius in someone who has offended them. --- Robertson Davies _____________________________________________ >From Jean A man was telling his buddy: "You won't believe what happened last night. My daughter walked into the living room and said: 'Dad, cancel my allowance immediately, forget my college tuition loan, rent my room out, throw all my clothes out the window, take my TV and my laptop. Please take any of my jewelry to the Salvation Army or Cash Converters. Then sell my car, take my front door key away, and throw me out of the house. "Holy Smokes," replied the friend, "she actually said that?" "Well, she didn't put it quite like that. Her exact words were: "Dad, meet my new boyfriend, Mohammed. We're going to work together on Bernie Sanders presidential campaign. ________________________________________________` ____________________________________________________ If you like the Humor Letter, please vote! Thanks for your votes! ___________________________________________________ An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD has been earned by Maria Alvarez-Buenrostro, 46, in jail, Kansas Woman admits hauling 60 pounds of meth through Kansas A 46-year-old woman from Los Angeles is awaiting sentencing after she admitted that she drove 60 pounds (27 kilograms) of methamphetamine through Kansas. Maria Alvarez-Buenrostro pleaded guilty Monday in federal court to one count of possession with intent to distribute methamphetamine. A Kansas Highway Patrol trooper stopped her on Feb. 12, 2019, in Ellis County for a lane violation. The trooper found the methamphetamine in 33 heat-sealed bags in a rear quarter panel and in both rear doors, according to the plea agreement. She admitted she was taking the drugs to a dealer to sell, according to the agreement. Alvarez-Buenrostro is scheduled for sentencing April 16. She faces at least 10 years and a fine up to $10 million. DearWebby's Tech Support Pits From: Karl Re: Cleaning laptop screens Hi Dear Webby, What about cleaning laptop screens? I don't believe that they should be cleaned dry. Karl Dear Karl They have a very thin glass surface. Soap and water or Windex type cleaners work fine. Try not to use too much, that might seep inside at the bottom, but if it does, it's no problem. There are no bare wires down there. Have FUN! DearWebby Automatically move ALL your settings and programs. Give a man a fish and he will eat for a day. Teach a man to fish and he'll sit in a boat and drink beer all day. | If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can! | |
When a man died, his wife put the usual death notice in the paper, but added that he died of gonorrhea. No sooner were the papers delivered than a good friend of the family phoned and complained bitterly, "You know very well that he died of diarrhea, not gonorrhea." Replied the widow, "I nursed him night and day so of course I knew he died of diarrhea. But I thought it would be better for posterity to remember him as a great lover rather than the big shit he always was." ___________________________________________________ Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Thriftyfun.com Roasted Chickpeas Roasted Chickpeas Thriftyfun.com also has a newsletter. If you want more than just one tip per day, or if you want to share your tips, then you can subscribe to it here: ThriftyFun ____________________________________________________ ___________________________________________________ Q. What do you call a redneck couple with only two kids? A. Newlyweds. ___________________________________________________ >From Noel When my younger brother was three or four, he over heard my father talking about assault rifles. He came running up to me "Noel, Noel, guess what!?" He said, eyes wide with excitement. "I know what assault rifles are!" Some tortures are physical and some are mental, but the one that's both is dental... I looked at him and said, "Really, what are they?" He looked up at me as if I were stupid, put his hands on his hips and said, "Duhhh, they shoot salt!.." ___________________________________________________ Some tortures are physical and some are mental, but the one that's both is dental. __________________________________________________ | Ophelia Dingbatter's NewsNo sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double opt-in confirmation request. |
___________________________________________________ | Today January 16 in 1547 Ivan the Terrible was crowned Czar of Russia. 1572 The Duke of Norfolk was tried for treason for complicity in the Ridolfi plot to restore Catholicism in England. He was executed on June 2. 1759 The British Museum opened. 1809 The British defeated the French at the Battle of Corunna, in the Peninsular War. 1866 Mr. Everett Barney patented the metal screw clamp skate. 1896 The first five-player college basketball game was played at Iowa City, IA. 1900 The U.S. Senate consented to the Anglo-German treaty of 1899, by which the U.K. renounced rights to the Samoan islands. 1919 The 18th Amendment to the U.S. Constitution, which prohibited the sale or transportation of alcoholic beverages, was ratified. It was later repealed by the 21st Amendment. 1920 Prohibition went into effect in the U.S. 1920 The motion picture "The Kid" opened. 1925 Leon Trotsky was dismissed as Chairman of the Revolutionary Council of the USSR. 1944 General Dwight D. Eisenhower took command of the Allied invasion force in London. 1964 "Hello Dolly!" opened at the St. James Theatre in New York City. 1970 Colonel Muammar el-Quaddafi became virtual president of Libya. 1970 Buckminster Fuller, the designer of the geodesic dome, was awarded the Gold Medal of the American Institute of Architects. 1979 The Shah of Iran and his family fled Iran for Egypt. 1982 Britain and the Vatican resumed full diplomatic relations after a break of over 400 years. 1985 "Playboy" magazine announced its 30-year tradition of stapling centerfold models in the bellybutton and elsewhere would come to an immediate end. 1988 Jimmy "The Greek" Snyder was fired as a CBS sports commentator one day after telling a TV station in Washington, DC, that, during the era of slavery, blacks had been bred to produce stronger offspring. 1998 Researchers announce that an altered gene helped to defend against HIV. 1991 The White House announced the start of Operation Desert Storm. The operation was designed to drive Iraqi forces out of Kuwait and to fix Saddam Hussein's wagon. 1992 Officials of the government of El Salvador and rebel leaders signed a pact in Mexico City ending 12 years of civil war. At least 75,000 people were killed during the fighting. 1998 The first woman to enroll at Virginia Military Institute withdrew from the school. 1998 It was announced that Texas would receive $15.3 billion in a tobacco industry settlement. The payouts were planned to take place over 25 years. 1998 Three federal judges secretly granted Kenneth Starr authority to probe whether U.S. President Clinton or Vernon Jordan urged Monica Lewinsky to lie about her relationship with Clinton. 2000 Ricardo Lagos was elected Chile's first socialist president since Salvador Allende. 2002 U.S. Attorney General John Ashcroft announced that John Walker Lindh would be brought to the United States to face trial. He was charged in U.S. District Court in Alexandria, VA, with conspiracy to kill U.S. citizens, providing support to terrorist organizations, and engaging in prohibited transactions with the Taliban of Afghanistan. 2002 The U.N. Security Council unanimously adopted sanctions against Osama bin Laden, his terror network and the remnants of the Taliban. The sanctions required that all nations impose arms embargoes and freeze their finances. 2019 Do smiled. |
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