Good Morning, Do, Today is Friday, May 4 Time to wear a bit of red to show your support for the troops! Have FUN! Dearwebby Todays Bonehead Award: AZ mother used stun gun to wake teen for Easter church service Bonehead ______________________________________________________ Today, May 4 in 1715 A French manufacturer debuted the first folding umbrella. See More of what happened on this day in history. ______________________________________________________ | If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can! | |
______________________________________________________ Times have not become more violent. They have just become more televised. --- Marilyn Manson (1969 - ), Facts do not cease to exist because they are ignored. --- Aldous Huxley (1894 - 1963) We live in a Newtonian world of Einsteinian physics ruled by Frankenstein logic. --- David Russell Thanks to Shirley for sending this quote: No diet will remove all the fat from your body because the brain is entirely fat. Without a brain you might look good, but all you could run for is public office. --- Covert Bailey (fitness expert) _____________________________________________________ If you like the Humor Letter, please vote! ______________________________________________________ An Irishman is walking along the beach one day, and he sees a bottle laying in the sand. He picks it up and starts to brush it off, and out pops a genie. The genie says, "Since you have freed me from the bottle, I will grant you three wishes." The Irishman thinks for a moment and says, "I'm feeling a might thirsty, I think I'll be wishing for a pint of stout." POOF! There is a pint of stout in his hand. He drinks it down, and starts to throw the bottle, when the genie says, "I'd look at that bottle again before I threw it if I were you." So he looks at the bottle, and it is magically filling back up with stout. The genie told him, "That is a magic bottle, and it will always fill back up after you finish it." The genie then asked, "What other two wishes can I grant for you?" The Irishman looks at the bottle in his hand and says, "I'll be taking two more of these." _____________________________________________________ ______________________________________________________ _____________________________________________________ If you like the Humor Letter, please vote! Thanks for your votes! _____________________________________________________ Thanks to SeaBaby for this story: One day at kindergarten a Teacher said to the class of 5-year-olds, "I'll give $10 to the child who can tell me who was the most famous man who ever lived." A little Irish boy put his hand up and said, "It was St. Patrick." The Teacher said, "Sorry Sean, that's not correct." Then a little Scottish boy put his hand up and said, "It was St. Andrew." The Teacher replied, "I'm sorry, Hamish, that's not right either." Finally, a little Jewish boy raised his hand and said, "It was Jesus Christ." The teacher said, "That's absolutely right, Marvin. Come up here and I'll give you the $10." As the Teacher was giving Marvin his money, she said, "You know, Marvin, since you're Jewish, I was very surprised you said 'Jesus Christ'." Marvin replied, "Yeah. In my heart, I knew it was Moses, but business is business". _______________________________________________ An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD has been earned by Sharron Dobbins, 40, Phoenix, Arizona AZ mother used stun gun to wake teen for Easter church service An Arizona mother has been charged after using a Taser to get her teenage son up for an Easter Sunday church service, according to police. Investigators arrested 40-year-old Sharron Dobbins, of Phoenix, Sunday morning and booked her into jail on a felony child abuse charge, according to Maricopa County court documents. Dobbins is accused of using the stun gun on her 16-year-old son's left leg. Ms. Dobbins stated that she only sparked the Taser to get the kids up for church on Easter and that she never Tased anyone, the arresting officer wrote in an arrest report obtained by KPHO. Another of Dobbins' sons, 17, and an 18-year-old nephew witnessed the incident, according to the document. The 16-year-old did not complain of any pain but had two small bumps on his leg where Dobbins allegedly shocked him. Dobbins, who appeared in court and was ordered not to have any contact with her sons, said that both of her sons are on probation. He has an ankle bracelet on, Dobbins said of the 16-year-old. He's under my custody and everything. Dobbins said she would make arrangements for the boy to live elsewhere as she awaits her next hearing on April 16. Dobbins was released to pre-trial services on her own recognizance. Tech Support Pits From: Toby Re: Clickbook Dear Webby, Have some questions about ClickBook printing. When I print the type size is so small I can hardly read it, and when I go to No Scaling, all the sentence is not printed. I cannot find any information on CB help. I know this will reduce the paper saving option, but it will be printed in a more favorable format. Thanks for your daily read. Keep up the good work. Toby Dear Toby Definitely don't use "No Scaling" ! I normally use Side-by-side, folded. Most e-books are formatted so that they wind up with the same font size as regular, store-bought paperback books when printed with ClickBook. (all the Pro's use it.) It has been quite a few years since I had to rip and reformat an e-book. If it is your own writing, for e-books (and anything that is to be printed front and back 4 pages per sheet), use font size 14. Arial, Tahoma and Verdana are the easiest readable fonts. Right now my printer is just a-rocking on the rather flexible snack cart, that it sits on, printing out an 88 page e-book on 22 sheets of paper. Quite readable even though I had left the printer in toner-saving mode. Have FUN DearWebby Thanks to Roland for this story: When I was married 25 years, I took a look at my wife one day and said, "Honey, 25 years ago, we had a cheap apartment, a cheap car, but I got to sleep every night with a hot 25-year-old blonde." "Now, we have a nice house, nice car, big bed and plasma screen TV, but I'm sleeping with a 50-year-old woman. It seems to me that you are not holding up your side of things." My wife is a very reasonable woman. She told me to go out and find a hot 25-year-old blonde, and she would make sure that I would once again be living in a cheap apartment, driving a cheap car, sleeping on a sofa bed and watching a 10-inch black and white TV. Automatically move ALL your settings and programs. No need to re-install them. The only mover recommended by Intel and Microsoft. Thanks to Dave for this story: The band was just getting under way when a large insect flew into the room. The high schoolers, eager to get ready for the first football game, tried to ignore the buzzing intruder, but eventually one student, Little Johnny, could stand it no more. He rolled up his music book and swatted the insect, then he stomped on it to ensure its fate. "Is it a bee?" Another student asked. "Nope," Johnny replied. "B-flat." | If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can! | |
Thanks to Martin for this story: Three men were sitting together bragging about how they had given their new wives duties. The first man had married a woman from Connecticut. He bragged that he had told his wife she was going to do all the dishes and house cleaning that needed done at their house. He said that it took a couple days but on the third day he came home to a clean house and the dishes were all washed and put away. The second man had married a woman from Iowa. He bragged that he had given his wife orders that she was to do all the cleaning, dishes, and the cooking. He told them that the first day he didn't see any results, but the next day it was better. By the third day, his house was clean, the dishes were done, and he had a huge dinner on the table. The third man had married a Georgia girl. He boasted that he told her that her duties were to keep the house cleaned, dishes washed, lawn mowed, laundry washed and hot meals on the table for every meal. He said the first day he didn't see anything ... The second day he didn't see anything, but by the third day most of the swelling had gone down and he could see a little out of his left eye. Enough to fix himself a bite to eat, load the dishwasher, and telephone a landscaper. ____________________________________________________ Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Stubborn Drawers and Doors When dirt and dust builds up on drawer and sliding door runners, they can become squeaky and tough to open and shut. To fix this, rub a bar of soap or a piece of paraffin wax on the runners. This will act as lubrication and allow the runners to slide smoothly. Tip provided by Thriftyfun.com If the runners or sliders are teflon or nylon, clean them with a tough kitchen sponge and clean, hot dishwater. They work best when perfectly clean. If necessary, use windex to remove old wax or soap. Wax or soap should only be used on bare wooden runners. Have FUN! Dear Webby ____________________________________________________ Laura's husband, Ron, was called into his bank to discuss his accounts. "Your finances are in terrible shape," the banker stated. "Your checking account is overdrawn, your loan is overdue." "Yes, I know." said Ron. "It's my wife Laura, she is out of control." "Why do you allow your wife to spend more money than you have?" asked the banker. "Frankly," replied Ron with a deep sigh, "because I'd rather argue with you than with her." | Journey the Top of Europe Tour du Mont Blanc |
___________________________________________________ Thanks to Mary for this story: A man was just waking up from anesthesia after surgery, and his wife was sitting by his side. His eyes fluttered open and he said, "You're beautiful." Then he fell asleep again. His wife had never heard him say that before, so she stayed by his side. A few minutes later his eyes fluttered open and he said, "You're cute." The wife was disappointed because instead of "beautiful," it was now "cute." She asked, "What happened to beautiful?" The man replied, "The drugs are wearing off." ___________________________________________________ | Ophelia Dingbatter's NewsNo sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double opt-in confirmation request. |
____________________________________________________ | Today, May 4 in 1471 In England, the Yorkists defeated the Landcastrians at the battle of Tewkesbury in the War of the Roses. 1493 Alexander VI divided non-Christian world between Spain and Portugal. 1626 Dutch explorer Peter Minuit landed on Manhattan Island. Native Americans later sold the island (20,000 acres) for $24 in cloth and buttons. 1715 A French manufacturer debuted the first folding umbrella. 1776 Rhode Island declared its freedom from England two months before the Declaration of Independence was adopted. 1814 Napoleon Bonaparte disembarked at Portoferraio on the island of Elba in the Mediterranean. 1863 The Battle of Chancellorsville ended when the Union Army retreated. 1886 A bomb exploded on the fourth day of a workers' strike in Chicago, IL. Eight people died in the violence during violence that day. 1886 Chichester Bell and Charles S. Tainter patented the gramophone. It was the first practical phonograph. 1904 The U.S. formally took control of the property for construction of the Panama Canal. 1916 Germany agreed to limit its submarine warfare after a demand from U.S. President Wilson. 1942 The Battle of the Coral Sea commenced as American and Japanese carriers launched their attacks at each other. 1942 The United States began food rationing. 1961 Thirteen civil rights activists, dubbed "Freedom Riders," began a bus trip through the South. 1970 The Ohio National Guardsmen opened fire on students during an anti-Vietnam war protest at Kent State University. Four students were killed and nine others were wounded. 1979 Margaret Thatcher became Britain's first woman prime minister. 1981 The Federal Reserve Board raised its discount rate to 14%. 1987 Live models were used for the first time in Playtex bra ads. 1994 Israeli Prime Minister Yitzhak Rabin and PLO leader Yasser Arafat signed a historic accord on Palestinian autonomy that granted self-rule in the Gaza Strip and Jericho. 2000 The citizens of London elected their mayor for the first time. 2003 Idaho Gem was born. He was the first member of the horse family to be cloned. 2010 Pablo Picasso's "Nude, Green Leaves and Bust" sold for $106.5 million. 2012 In Las Vegas, NV, Google received the first self-driving vehicle testing license. 2018 Do smiled. |
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