Good Morning, Do! Today is Friday, May 25 Time to wear a bit of red to show your support for the troops! Have FUN! Dearwebby Todays Bonehead Award: 3 Connecticut men shot up prayer vigil Bonehead ______________________________________________________ Today, May 25 in 585 BC The first known prediction of a solar eclipse was made in Greece. More of today in history at HIstory ______________________________________________________ | If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can! | |
______________________________________________________ He is winding the watch of his wit; by and by it will strike. --- William Shakespeare (1564 - 1616), ______________________________________________________ If you like the Humor Letter, please vote! ______________________________________________________ Two guys are walking through the woods when they come to a pit. The first guy says, "How deep you think this pit is?" The second guy says, "I don't know. Let's throw in a rock and listen for it to hit the bottom." They throw in a rock and listen, but they don't hear anything. The first guy says, "We need to throw in something heavy so when it hits it'll make more noise." So they find a cement block and throw it in and listen, but they still don't hear anything. The first guy says, "We need to find something really heavy, that'll make a real lot of noise when it hits bottom." So they go further into the woods, and come across an old railroad tie. They haul it back to the pit, and throw it in. They still didn't hear anything, but all of a sudden a goat comes running out the woods and leaps into the pit. The first guy says, "Well, if that wasn't the craziest damn goat I ever seen." Just then a farmer comes walking up to them and says, "You fellas seen a goat?" The first guy says, "Yes, sir. A goat just came running up and jumped right into that pit." The farmer says, "Oh, that couldn't have been my goat. I had him tied to a railroad tie." _____________________________________________________ ______________________________________________________ Falcon 9 blast hitting 10 inches of water on the launch pad _____________________________________________________ If you like the Humor Letter, please vote! Thanks for your votes! _____________________________________________________ The obituary editor of a newspaper was not one to admit his mistakes easily. One day he got a phone call from an irate subscriber. The caller complained that his name had been printed in the obituary column. "Really?" replied the editor calmly. "And where are you calling from?" __________________________________ An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD has been earned by Michael Newsome, 35, Tyshon Dingle, 34, Dayshim Randolph, 25, Bridgeport, Connecticut Connecticut men shot up prayer vigil Three men shot up a prayer vigil and then led officers on a chase to Stratford Sunday night, police said. Michael Newsome, 35, of Monroe Street, Tyshon Dingle, 34, of Colorado Avenue, and Dayshim Randolph, 25, of Robert Street, were charged were charged with multiple weapons counts and pursuit- related charges. They are all being held in lieu of bond. Police said a young woman was holding a prayer vigil at her Trumbull Avenue home for her recently deceased mother when Newsome, Dingle and Randolph began acting up and were asked to leave. However, police said one of the trio pulled out a semi-automatic handgun and began firing, forcing family members to barricade themselves in a bathroom. There were no injuries. When officers arrived at the scene, police said the three men took off in a Chevrolet sedan at high speed. During the pursuit, police said one of the men threw the handgun with an extended magazine out of the car. It was retrieved by officers. The chase led onto Interstate 95 northbound until police said they were able to pull the car over by Exit 31 in Stratford. Tech Support Pits From: DJ Re: Compressing pictures Dear Webby hello my friend, is there a way to compress a picture that takes up a whole email page down to about 2"x2" thanks, DJ Dear DJ Compressing does not change the visible size. Compressing keeps the visible size the same, but degrades the picture and throws away color depth pixels and thereby makes the file size smaller. What you need to do is to RESIZE (not compress) the picture size. Open the picture in any graphics or paint program, click on Image, Resize. Then toggle it from pixels to inches, and type in the desired dimensions. That's all there is to it. And save it under a new name, so that you still have the original huge picture. Have FUN DearWebby The bride said she wanted three children, while the young husband said two would be enough for him. They discussed this discrepancy for a few minutes until the husband thought he'd put an end to things by saying boldly, "After our second child, I'll just have a vasectomy." Without a moments hesitation, the bride retorted, "Well, I hope you'll love the third one just as if was your own." Automatically move ALL your settings and programs. No need to re-install them. The only mover recommended by Intel and Microsoft. A man realized he needed to purchase a hearing aid, but he felt unwilling to spend much money. "How much do they run?" he asked the clerk. "That depends," said the salesman. "They run from $2.00 to $4,000." "Let's see the $2.00 model," he said. The clerk put the device around the man's neck. "You just stick this button in your ear and run this little string down to your pocket," he instructed. "How does it work?" the customer asked. "For $2.00 it doesn't work," the salesman replied. "But when people see it on you, they'll talk louder...!" | If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can! | |
Two drunks were in a tavern sitting at the bar and staring into their drinks. One got a curious look on his face and asked, "Hey, Pete! Have you ever seen an ice cube with a hole in it before?" "Yep. I been married to one for fifteen years...." ____________________________________________________ Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Testing Your Refrigerator Seal To test the seal of your refrigerator, put a piece of paper on the edge of the rubber gasket and close the door. If the paper can be pulled out easily, the seal may need replacing. Don't get too carried away with that! As long as the paper does not fall, the seal is good enough. If you want to save on the electricity a fridge or freezer uses, clean the condenser grid behind or under the fridge frequently and make sure that there are no dust bunnies impeding air flow. I went a step further and back-set the fridge into the wall. There is no insulation between the fridge and the outside sheating, and a grill allows in fresh outside air into the space under the fridge and exhausts it to the outside through a little chimney above. It always has fresh outside air to cool the condenser grid and except in winter, it pumps the waste heat outside, and not into the kitchen. As you can probably imagine, that saves a very significant amount of electricity. Have FUN! DearWebby Tip provided by Thriftyfun.com ____________________________________________________ I can't say I've ever gotten a shave from a barber, but I've seen others who have. I was in a shop once, and an obviously new barber nicked a customer several times while giving him a shave. The new man, in an effort to smooth things over asked solicitously, "Do you want your head wrapped in a hot towel?" "No thanks." said the customer. "I'll carry it home under my arm." | Oh Lord, won't you buy me a caravan yacht? |
___________________________________________________ A woman was waiting at an airport one night, With several long hours before her flight. She hunted for a book in the airport shops. Bought a bag of cookies and found a place to drop. She was engrossed in her book but happened to see, That the man sitting beside her, as bold as could be, Grabbed a cookie or two from the bag in between, Which she tried to ignore to avoid a scene. So she munched the cookies and watched the clock, As the gutsy cookie thief diminished her stock. She was getting more irritated as the minutes ticked by, Thinking, "If I wasn't so nice, I would blacken his eye." With each cookie she took, he took one too, When only one was left, she wondered what he would do. With a smile on his face, and a nervous laugh, He took the last cookie and broke it in half. He offered her half, as he ate the other, She snatched it from him and thought... ooh,brother. This guy has some nerve and he's also rude, Why he didn't even show any gratitude! She had never known when she had been so galled, And sighed with relief when her flight was called. She gathered her belongings and headed to the gate, Refusing to look back at the thieving ingrate. She boarded the plane, and sank in her seat, Then she sought her book, which was almost complete. As she reached in her baggage, she gasped with surprise, There was her bag of cookies, in front of her eyes. If mine are here, she moaned in despair, The others were his, and he tried to share. Too late to apologize, she realized with grief, That she was the rude one, the ingrate, the thief. ___________________________________________________ | Ophelia Dingbatter's NewsNo sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double opt-in confirmation request. |
____________________________________________________ The pastor shocked the congregation when he announced that he was resigning from the church and moving to a drier climate. After the service, a very distraught lady came to the pastor with tears in her eyes, "Oh, Pastor Bob, we are going to miss you so much. We don't want you to leave!" The kindhearted pastor patted her hand and said "Now, now, Carolyn, don't carry on. The pastor who takes my place might be even better than me". "Yeah", she said, with a tone of disappointment in her voice, "That's what they said the last time too." ____________________________________________________ | Today, May 25 in 585 BC The first known and recorded prediction of a solar eclipse was made in Greece. 1085 Alfonso VI took Toledo, Spain from the Moslems. 1810 Argentina declared independence from Napoleonic Spain. 1844 The gasoline engine was patented by Stuart Perry. It had been running fine, just not patenteed in the USA. 1844 The first telegraphed news dispatch, sent from Washington, DC, to Baltimore, MD, appeared in the Baltimore "Patriot." 1895 Oscar Wilde, a playwright, poet and novelist, was convicted of a morals charge and sentenced to prison in London. 1911 President of Mexico, Porfolio Diaz, resigned his office. 1925 John Scopes was indicted for teaching the Darwinian theory in school. 1927 Ford Motor Company announced that the Model A would replace the Model T. 1927 The "Movietone News" was shown for the first time at the Sam Harris Theatre in New York City. 1935 Babe Ruth hit his final homerun, his 714th, and set a record that would stand for 39 years. 1935 Jesse Owens tied the world record for the 100-yard dash. He ran it in 9.4 seconds. He also broke three other world track records. 1946 Jordan gained independence from Britain. 1953 In Nevada, the first atomic cannon was fired. 1961 America was asked by U.S. President Kennedy to work toward putting a man on the moon before the end of the decade. 1963 The Organization of African Unity was founded in Addis Ababa, Ethiopia. 1968 The Gateway Arch, part of the Jefferson National Expansion Memorial in St. Louis, MO, was dedicated. 1970 Boeing Computer Services was founded. 1977 "Star Wars Episode IV: A New Hope" opened and became the largest grossing film to date. 1977 An opinion piece by Vietnam verteran Jan Scruggs appeared in "The Washington Post." The article called for a national memorial to "remind an ungrateful nation of what it has done to its sons" that had served in the Vietnam War. 1979 An American Airlines DC-10 crashed during takeoff at Chicago's O'Hare International Airport. 275 people were killed. 1981 Daredevil Daniel Goodwin scaled Chicago's Sears Tower, while wearing a "Spiderman" costume, in 7 1/2 hours. 1983 "The Return of the Jedi" opened nationwide. It set a new record in opening day box office sales. The gross was $6,219,629. 1985 Bangladesh was hit with a hurricane and tidal wave that killed more than 11,000 people. 1986 Approximately 7 million Americans participated in "Hands Across America." 1989 The Calgary Flames won their first NHL Stanley Cup by defeating the Montreal Canadiens. 1992 Jay Leno debuted as the new permanent host of NBC's "Tonight Show." 1996 In Nimes, France, Christina Sanchez became the first woman to achieve the rank of matadore in Europe. 1997 In Sierra Leone a military coup overthrew the popularly elected President Ahmad Tejan Kabbah. He was replaced with Major Johnny Paul Koromah. 1997 U.S. Senator Strom Thurmond became the longest-serving senator in U.S. history (41 years and 10 months). 1997 Poland adopted a constitution that removed all traces of communism. 1999 A report by the U.S. House of Representatives Select Committee on U.S. National Security and Military/Commercial Concerns with the People's Republic of China concluded that China had "stolen design information on the U.S. most-advanced thermonuclear weapons" and that China's penetration of U.S. weapons laboratories "spans at least the past several decades and almost certainly continues today." 2000 The Walt Disney Co. and Time Warner Inc. signed a long-term deal that ended a dispute over the airing policies of Time Warner. Time Warner had blacked out Disney programs for a 39 hour period the previous month due to the lack of an agreement. 2001 Erik Weihenmayer, 32, of Golden, CO, became the first blind climber to reach the summit of Mount Everest. 2001 Sherman Bull, 64, of New Canaan, CT, became the oldest climber to reach the summit of Mount Everest. 2006 In Houston, former Enron Corp. chiefs Kenneth Lay and Jeffrey Skillinng were convicted of conspiracy and fraud for the downfall of Enron. 2008 NASA's Phoenix Mars Lander landed in the arctic plains of Mars. 2009 North Korea announced that it had conducted a second successful nuclear test in the province of North Hamgyong. The United Nations Security Council condemned the reported test. 2018 Do smiled. |
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