Good Morning, Do! Today is Monday, December 2 ____________________________________________________ Today, December 2 in 1969 The Boeing 747 jumbo jet got its first public preview as 191 people flew from Seattle, WA, to New York City, NY. Most of the passengers were reporters and photographers. ______________________________________________________ | If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can! | |
Today's Bonehead Award: Man, 25, charged with killing uncle of 17-year-old he had sex with in Chicago _______________________________________________ If you like the Humor Letter, please vote! _______________________________________________ Middle age is when you've met so many people that every new person you meet reminds you of someone else. --- Ogden Nash (1902 - 1971) "More Americans can name the three stooges than the three branches of government. Well, that's because the three stooges are more likely to get something done." --- David Letterman _______________________________________________ Three women go down to Mexico one night to celebrate college graduation. They get drunk and wake up in jail, only to find that they are to be executed in the morning though none of them can remember what they did the night before. The first one, a redhead, is strapped in the electric chair and is asked if she has any last words. She says, I just graduated from Trinity Bible College and believe in the almighty power of God to intervene on the behalf of the innocent. They throw the switch and nothing happens. They all immediately fall to the floor on their knees, beg for forgiveness, and release her. The second one, a brunette, is strapped in and gives her last words. I just graduated from the Harvard School of Law and I believe in the power of justice to intervene on the part of the innocent. They throw the switch and again, nothing happens. Again they all immediately fall to their knees, beg for forgiveness and release her. The last one, a blonde, is strapped in and says, Well, I'm from the University of Texas and just graduated with a degree in Electrical Engineering, and I'll tell ya right now, ya'll ain't gonna electrocute nobody if you don't plug this thing in. ________________________________________________` ____________________________________________________ If you like the Humor Letter, please vote! Thanks for your votes! ___________________________________________________ An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD has been earned by Kenneth Malone, 25, Chicago, Illinois Man, 25, charged with killing uncle of 17-year-old he had sex with in Chicago The details surrounding the fatal shooting of an uncle who was trying to defend his niece from what was initially reported as a sexual assault have changed. Charged with one count of first-degree murder, 25-year-old Kenneth Malone appeared in court Sunday, three days after prosecutors said he killed a 66-year-old man inside his Burnside home. Malone is accused of shooting James Lewis Jr., shortly after engaging in a sexual relationship with the man's 17-year-old niece, then seeking him out in his bedroom and engaging him in a confrontation. "The victim pursued the defendant with a golf club. As the victim entered the niece's bedroom, the defendant fired his gun at him four times, striking the victim in the head, shoulder and back," said Lorin Jenkins of the Cook County State's Attorney's Office. Reading the proffer after bond court Sunday, the assistant state's attorney painted a very different picture from the one that initially emerged Thursday, when it was reported that Lewis had been shot as he came to the aid of his niece, who declared she had just been sexually assaulted by an intruder inside her bedroom. Investigators are now saying Lewis' niece had been texting with Malone since October. She has since admitted to letting him into her bedroom through a first-floor window and engaging in consensual sex with him. Malone was arrested while trying to flee, within 10 minutes of the shooting. "The defendant gave a post Miranda, video-recorded statement, where he admitted to confronting the victim with a gun and a ski mask and then shooting the victim once the victim pursued him," Jenkins said. Prosecutors said they recovered the weapon used to kill Lewis. Malone is being held without bond. Lewis' niece has not been charged in connection with the crime. DearWebby's Tech Support Pits From: Maggie Re: Video pauses Dear Webby, Thanks for all the great help you give, and for a great newsletter. My problem is... just about every video I try to play keeps stoping and starting every few seconds throughout the whole thing. Would you have any idea what the problem is? It hasn't always been this way. I have Windows 10. Thanks so much for your time and attention to this matter. Maggie Dear Maggie Dear Maggie That's just your connection speed. Your ISP is delivering it slower than it plays, so it pauses until it has another 10-15 seconds worth, plays that and waits for more to dribble in. Just hit PAUSE and wait until the faintly colored bar has completed. THEN play it. You can check your connection speed at Speed test If it is significantly lower than what you are paying for, call your ISP and complain. Quite often they restrict your speed behind your back, and you have to nag at them to get reasonable speed again. Have FUN! DearWebby Automatically move ALL your settings and programs. To our shock and horror, my sister-in-law and I realized we had each been married nearly 50 years. "That's a long time," I observed. "A long, long time," she agreed. Then she smiled. "Something just occurred to me." "What's that?" "If I had killed your brother the first time I felt like it, I'd be out of jail by now." | If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can! | |
How many members of your sign does it take to change a light bulb? ARIES: Just one. You want to make something of it? TAURUS: One, but just try to convince them that the burned- out bulb is useless and should be thrown away. GEMINI: Two, but the job never gets done -- they just keep discussing who is supposed to do it and how it's supposed to be done! CANCER: Just one. But it takes a therapist three years to help them through the grieving process. LEO: Leos don't change light bulbs, although sometimes their agent will get a Virgo in to do the job for them while they're out. VIRGO: Approximately 1.000000 with an error of +/- one millionth. LIBRA: Er, two. Or maybe one. No, on second thought, make that two. Is that okay with you? SCORPIO: That information is strictly secret and shared only with the Enlightened Ones in the Star Chamber of the Ancient Hierarchical Order. SAGITTARIUS: The sun is shining, the day is young, we've got our whole lives ahead of us, and you're inside worrying about a stupid burned-out light bulb? CAPRICORN: I don't waste my time with these childish jokes. AQUARIUS: Well, you have to remember that everything is energy, so.... PISCES: Light bulb? What light bulb? ___________________________________________________ Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Thriftyfun.com Spare Change Adds Up I have been saving my husband's and my spare change for years. This year I decided to document every "cash-in", to see exactly how much change that we wound up with at the end of the year. I have always used this money as a rainy-day fund, like when I was absolutely out of money, needed gas for the car, or an unexpected item from the grocery store. This year, I determined to earmark the money for a special project. I started collecting in January, and planned to use the money for garden expenses. If I used any of the money in the jar, then I made note of how much was taken, and put a reminder to repay it in the jar. This way, I was able to: 1. See how much money that I was able to save from just loose change, and 2. Keep up with how much was spent on my garden in a year's time. By November I had saved almost $600. By Carole from Locust Fork, AL Thriftyfun.com also has a newsletter. If you want more than just one tip per day, or if you want to share your tips, then you can subscribe to it here: ThriftyFun http://www.thriftyfun.com/subscribe.ldml ____________________________________________________ | | This is mesmerizing to watch but turn the music down or off. |
___________________________________________________ Millie: What do you do at your Bible Studies meeting ? Susan: We try to figure out how much can we can get away with and still go to heaven. ___________________________________________________ A woman went to the Governor of Alabama about getting an early release for her husband who was serving time in a state penitentiary. " What's is in for ?", asked the Governor. " For stealing a ham." " That doesn't sound too bad. Is he a good worker?" " No, I couldn't say that. He's very lazy." " Oh...well, he's good to you and the children, isn't he ?" " No, he is not. He's very mean to us, if you want to know the truth." " Why would you want a man like that out of prison?" " Well, Governor, we've been out of ham for quite a spell." ___________________________________________________ "Now, how many of you would like to go to heaven?" asked the Sunday school teacher. All the eager children raised their hands except Little Johnny. "I'm sorry, I can't. My mother told me to come right home after Sunday school," explained Little Johnny. __________________________________________________ | Ophelia Dingbatter's NewsNo sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double opt-in confirmation request. |
___________________________________________________ | Today, December 2 in 1804 Napoleon was crowned emperor of France at the Cathedral of Notre Dame in Paris. 1816 The first savings bank in the U.S., the Philadelphia Savings Fund Society, opened for business. 1823 U.S. President James Monroe outlined his doctrine opposing European expansion in the Western Hemisphere. 1901 Gillette patented the KC Gillette Razor. It was first razor to feature a permanent handle and disposable double-edge razor blades. 1917 During World War I, hostilities were suspended on the eastern front. 1927 The Ford Motor Company unveiled the Model A automobile. It was the successor to the Model T. 1939 New York's La Guardia Airport began operations as an airliner from Chicago landed at 12:01 a.m. 1942 A self-sustaining nuclear chain reaction was demonstrated by Dr. Enrico Fermi and his staff at the University of Chicago. 1954 The U.S. Senate voted to condemn Sen. Joseph R. McCarthy for what it called "conduct that tends to bring the Senate into dishonor and disrepute." The censure was related to McCarthy's controversial investigation of suspected communists in the U.S. government, military and civilian society. 1961 Cuban leader Fidel Castro declared in a nationally broadcast speech that he was a Marxist-Leninist and that he was going to lead Cuba to communism. 1969 The Boeing 747 jumbo jet got its first public preview as 191 people flew from Seattle, WA, to New York City, NY. Most of the passengers were reporters and photographers. 1970 The Environmental Protection Agency began operations. 1980 The Central Committee of Poland's Communist Party announced major Politburo changes. The changes were aimed at coping with labor unrest. 1982 Doctors at the University of Utah implanted a permanent artificial heart in the chest of retired dentist Barney Clark. He lived 112 days with the device. The operation was the first of its kind. 1988 Benazir Bhutto was sworn in as prime minister of Pakistan. 1989 V.P. Singh was sworn in as prime minister of India. 1990 Chancellor Hekmut Kohl's coalition won the first free all- German elections since 1932. 1990 The Midwest section of the U.S. prepared for a massive earthquake predicted by Iben Browning. The earthquakes did not occur. 1992 Germany's lower house of parliament voted in favor of the Maastricht Treaty on European unity. 1993 The space shuttle Endeavor blasted off on a mission to fix the Hubble Space Telescope. 1994 The U.S. government agreed not to seek a recall of allegedly fire-prone General Motors pickup trucks. A deal was made with GM under which the company would spend more than $51 million on safety and research. 1995 NASA launched a U.S.-European observatory on a $1 billion dollar mission intended to study the sun. 1997 U.S. Attorney General Janet Reno declined to seek an independent counsel investigation of telephone fund-raising by President Clinton and Vice President Gore. She had concluded that they had not violated election laws. 1998 Microsoft Corp. chairman Bill Gates donated $100 million to help immunize children in developing countries. 1999 The British government transferred political power over the province of Northern Ireland to the Northern Ireland Executive. 2001 Enron Corp. filed for Chapter 11 reorganization. The filing came five days after Dynergy walked away from a $8.4 billion buyout. It was the largest bankruptcy in U.S. history. 2010 NASA announced the discovery of a new arsenic-based life form. 2019 Do smiled. |
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