Good Morning, Do! Today is Tuesday, October 6 Thank you, Betty! ___________________________________________________ International Bonehead Award Stripper Attacked Patron Over Refusing Lap Dance _____________________________________________________ Today, October 6 in 1949 U.S. president Harry Truman signed the Mutual Defense Assistance Act. The act provided $1.3 billion in the form of military stuff to NATO countries. _____________________________________________________ A hotel isn't like a home, but it's better than being a house guest. --- William Feather (1908 - 1976) _____________________________________________________ The Lord of the Manor had a butler called Wibble. One day he called Wibble and said, "What about running my bath Wibble." "Certainly, will there be anything else my lord?" said Wibble. "Yes Wibble, what about my dressing gown." "Certainly, will there be anything else my lord?" "Yes Wibble, what about my carpet slippers." "Certainly, will there be anything else my lord?" "No Wibble, If I require anything else I shall call you. The old Lord lowers himself into the water, and lets go a long fart. Five minutes later, Wibble returns with a hot water bottle on a silver tray. "Here you are my Lord, your hot water bottle," says Wibble. "I never asked for that," said his Lordship. To which Wibble replied, "You did my Lord, as you lowered yourself into the bath, I distinctly heard you say, 'Whadabowdawadderboddlewibble.'" _____________________________________________________ Jessica Mendoza Weiss ___________________________________________________ United Nations Strike Force.... There is a lot of talk about the United Nations creating a combined strike force with troops from several nations included in it. Could it work? Let's take a look at one operation. A combined force beach landing on a tropical island. When the troops hit the beach. The Royal Marines go fishing. The US Marines wait for CNN to arrive. The French don't care whose beach it is; it's French territory now, and say the English gave them no other choice. The Canadians watch the Americans very closely, then offer to guard their landing strip. The Dutch have a beach party and smoke some dope saying the English don't understand them. The Italians go sunbathing. The Germans land and build a car factory. The West Indians go looking for the Dutch. The Austrians just watch the Russians and Germans. The Chinese win the natives hearts and minds then kill them. The SEALs arrive after dark and kill anyone who is not a SEAL. The Aussies and Kiwis land then start fighting each other over a sheep. The South Americans send a contingent of 2000 generals. The Saudi's start drilling for oil. The Russians open a chain of massage parlours. The Brit airborne troops get charged with murder even though they have not opened fire yet. The Spanish are late. The Portuguese are late but blame the Spaniards. Delta Force makes a movie about the landing. The Greeks and Turks turn up then send a bill to the Yanks and Brits. The British Army cannot come because all six of them have flu. The Japanese don't know who owns what ships and decide to sink them all. The Californian National Guard contingent won't land until someone opens a Starbucks. The New Yorkers paint their Amtrak's yellow and will take you ashore for 50 bucks. The Irish Army will be late because they say they are stll celebrating St. Patrick's Day. The Israeli's start building a kibbutz and shell the Palestinians as a precaution. The Scandinavians like it off shore and stay there killing whales for the Japanese. The Polish tunnel under the beach looking for coal. The Palestinians say it used to be theirs but the English gave it away. The Oklahomans have no damn idea what a beach is. The Scottish claim to have found the beach first but accuse the English of stealing it. The Texans look for anyone bad mouthing them. The Mexicans invade Arizona by mistake. The Welsh say it's King Arthur's last resting place but the English stole it. The Swiss apply for a bank charter. The Lybians blow up two UN planes. The UN will send an Ambassador if the member states pay their dues. The Kentuckians open a KFC. The Panamanians ask the U.S. what they should do. The Floridians demand a recount and free Prozac. The EU want to set up a commission of 50,000 administrators paid for by the English. The Swedes just want to screw. The Michigan contingent issues a safety recall and sue General Motors. The Matell Corp. sends 10,000 GI Joe's and one Barbie. Some guy from Tennessee swears that Elvis and Jimmy Dean are just over the dunes. The Rumanians and Albanians finally arrive and surrender. The Coloradans cut off the Kansan's water supply. H. M. The Queen will give anyone a Knighthood if they can grab her a few hundred acres or find a job for Charles. The New Hampshire contingent declares that everyone there is Sooooo Cruel and open a soup kitchen. The North Koreans have no idea what is going on but blame America anyway. Washington State NG builds a monument to Bill Gates. The Pakistanis build a Motel Six, a convenience store and gas station. Jimmy Carter arrives and declares peace. ___________________________________________________ An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD has been earned by Nicole Maxine Passmore, 25, Myrtle Beach. South Carolina, USA Stripper Attacked Patron Over Refusing Lap Dance A stripper is facing an assault rap after she allegedly pummeled a male customer who turned down her repeated attempts to perform a lap dance inside a South Carolina club, cops report. Nicole Maxine Passmore, 25, was busted late last night for misdemeanor assault in connection with the confrontation at Masters Gentlemens Club in Myrtle Beach. According to a police report, patron Ernest Kadlick, 31, told officers that he was having a good time in the club with friends when Passmore (seen at right) approached them and repeatedly tried to dance on him while attempting to take money that Kadlick had placed on his table. After turning down Passmore for a third and final time, Kadlick said that the dancer--who had launched into a lap dance--told him that he had a sweet receding hairline. In response, Kadlick declared, Yeah, and youre a snaggle toothed bitch! According to Kadlick and several witnesses interviewed by Myrtle Beach Police Department investigators, the 5 6 Passmore then got up and started striking [Kadlick] in the faceapproximately 5-6 times. Kadlick and his friends then left the club and police were called. When an officer arrived at the strip joint, they found Kadlick (seen at left) holding a towel full of ice against his face. A cop reported observing a welt coming from the area of left eyebrow. Passmore claimed that she struck Kadlick in response to being pushed by him (though there were no witnesses to corroborate that assertion). Passmore was then arrested and transported to the Myrtle Beach jail, where she was subsequently released on bond. DearWebby's Tech Support Pits From: Kitty RE: Convert curencies Dear Webby, I didn't read that long list of secret search engine tricks, too technical for me. However, I have a hunch that Chrome can concvert currencies faster than going to XE.COM. They are always very slow. What do I type into the search line to convert 1234 US Dollars to Canadian dollarss? Kitty Dear Kitty That one is almost too easy. Type $1234 in CAD You can also use the word TO 12345 feet to meter or for speed 123 kmh to mph Distance: 12345 furlongs to lightyears 12345 lightyears to furlongs Weight of coffee 454 grams to pounds And so on. It will convert anything you can think of. However, it will not tell you why a 2 lb box of chocolate makes you gain 3 pounds. 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_____________________________________________ "Sir, your daughter says she loves me, and she can't live without me, and she wants to marry me." "And you're asking my permission to marry her?" "No, I'm asking you to make her leave me the hell alone!!" ____________________________________________ A man complained about having had two unhappy marriages. His first wife divorced him and his second wife wouldn't. ____________________________________________ Definition of The Perfect Husband: A guy who makes his wife's panties wet... doing the laundry every week. ____________________________________________ | Ophelia Dingbatter's NewsNo sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double opt-in confirmation request. |
___________________________________________________ | Today October 6 in 1683 The first Mennonites arrived in America aboard the Concord. The German and Dutch families settled in an area that is now a neighborhood in Philadelphia, PA. 1848 The steamboat SS California left New York Harbor for San Francisco via Cape Horn. The steamboat service arrived on February 28, 1849. The trip took 4 months and 21 days. 1863 The first Turkish bath was opened in Brooklyn, NY, by Dr. Charles Shepard. 1866 The Reno Brothers pulled the first train robbery in America near Seymour, IN. The got away with $10,000. 1880 The National League kicked the Cincinnati Reds out for selling beer. 1884 The Naval War College was established in Newport, RI. 1889 In Paris, the Moulin Rouge opened its doors to the public for the first time. 1889 The Kinescope was exhibited by Thomas Edison. He had patented the moving picture machine in 1887. 1890 Polygamy was outlawed by the Mormon Church. 1928 War-torn China was reunited under the Nationalist leader Chiang Kai-Shek. 1939 Adolf Hitler denied any intention to wage war against Britain and France in an address to Reichstag. 1949 U.S. president Harry Truman signed the Mutual Defense Assistance Act. The act provided $1.3 billion in the form of military stuff to NATO countries. 1954 E.L. Lyon became the first male nurse for the U.S. Army. 1961 U.S. president John F. Kennedy advised American families to build or buy bomb shelters to protect them in the event of a nuclear exchange with the Soviet Union. 1973 Egypt and Syria attacked Israel in an attempt to win back territory that had been lost in the third Arab-Israel war. Support for Israel led to a devastating oil embargo against many nations including the U.S. and Great Britain on October 17, 1973. The war lasted 2 weeks. 1979 Pope John Paul II became the first pontiff to visit the White House. 1991 Elizabeth Taylor married Larry Fortensky. The ceremony was held at Michael Jackson's estate near Los Angeles, CA. It was Taylor's 8th marriage and Fortensky's 3rd. 2020 Do smiled. |
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