Good Morning, Do, Today is Friday, September 22 Time to wear a bit of red to show your support for the troops! Summer is over. Happy Fall (season)! We had cold rain today, and snow on the West side of the valley. No Gullible Warming here, I guess not enough people here believe in it. Hopefully the hurricanes in the South will settle down soon! I am glad all subscribers are OK, and hope all good people are safe. Walked to my doctor today for the annual prescription update and diet consultation. He asked what kind of oil I use. 5-40, all season. He didn`t like that. For frying! I use butter. For salad! Apple cider vinegar and a drop of coconut oil. He had a fit about that. Apparently coconut oil is only good for yuppies in Mexifornia, but for everybody else, it has gone out of fashion and is bad. Olive oil is in fashion again. Ok, Ok. I still got some in the back of the cupboard from when it was in fashion last time. And so it went through everything I eat. Actually, because I am trying to beat Diabetes with diet, I dont really eat that much anyway. Eventually we got to the gout in my right hand little finger. I told him that the prescribed pills didn`t do any good, but that many subscribers recommended Alpurinol, and that Sven recommended Super strength cherry concentrate capsules. The health food stores in the nearest town charge $19 - $39 for 90 capsules (one month). So I googled. https://www.canadianvitaminshop.com/ has them for $11.98. Click, click, done. Next day the capsules were here. 3 days later the white spots looking like blisters, but are actually uric acid crystal deposits, started disappearing and the swelling is going down. Thank you Sven! Have Fun! Dearwebby Todays Bonehead Award: Wanted Pasco man arrested after brandishing toy gun Bonehead ______________________________________________________ Today, Sept 22 in 1792 The French Republic was proclaimed. The monarchy in England got very worried. See More of what happened on this day in history. ______________________________________________________ | If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can! | |
______________________________________________________ Politicians should read science fiction, not westerns and detective stories. --- Arthur C. Clarke (1917 - ) If all economists were laid end to end, they would not reach a conclusion. --- George Bernard Shaw ______________________________________________________ If you like the Humor Letter, please vote! ______________________________________________________ >From Noella Mom's Brownie Recipe Remove teddy bear from oven and preheat to 375. Melt 1 cup margarine in saucepan. Remove teddy bear from oven and tell Junior, "no, no." Add margarine to 2 cups sugar. Take shortening can away from Junior and clean cupboards. Measure 1/3 cup cocoa. Take shortening can away from Junior again and bathe cat. Apply antiseptic and bandages to scratches sustained while removing shortening from cat's body. Assemble 4 eggs, 2 teaspoons vanilla and 1 1/2 cups sifted flour. Take smouldering teddy bear from oven and open all doors and windows for ventilation. Take telephone away from Billy and assure party on the line the call was a mistake. Call operator and attempt to have direct dialed call removed from bill. Measure 1 teaspoon salt, 1/2 cup nuts and beat all ingredients well. Let cat out of refrigerator. Pour mixture into well-greased 9 x 13-inch pan. Bake 25 minutes. Rescue cat and take razor away from Billy. Explain that you have no idea if shaved cats will sunburn. Throw cat outside while there's still time and he's still able to run away. Frosting Mix the following in the saucepan: 1 cup sugar, 1 ounce unsweetened chocolate, 1/2 cup margarine. Take teddy bear out of the broiler and throw it away -- far away. Answer the door and meekly explain to nice policeman that you didn't know Junior had slipped out of the house and was heading for the street. Put Junior in playpen. Explain to neighbor that the burning teddybear, that had set her dry rose bushes on fire, must have fallen from an airplane. Add 1/3 cup milk, dash of salt, and boil, stirring constantly for 2 minutes. Answer door and apologize to other neighbor for Billy having stuck a garden hose in man's front door mail slot. Promise to pay for ruined carpet. Tie Billy to clothesline. Remove burned brownies from oven. _____________________________________________________ A priest and a rabbi operated a church and a synagogue across the street from each other. Since their schedules intertwined, they decided to go in together to buy a car. After the purchase, they drove it home and parked it on the street between them. A few minutes later, the rabbi looked out and saw the priest sprinkling water on their new car. It didn't need a wash, so he hurried out and asked the priest what he was doing. "I'm blessing it," the priest replied. The rabbi considered this a moment, then went back inside the synagogue. He reappeared a moment later with a hacksaw, walked over to the back of the car and cut off two inches of the exhaust pipe. _____________________________________________________ ______________________________________________________ "After twelve years of therapy my psychiatrist said something that brought tears to my eyes. He said, 'No hablo ingles.'" --- Ronnie Shakes ______________________________________________________ _____________________________________________________ If you like the Humor Letter, please vote! Thanks for your votes! ______________________________________________________ An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD has been earned by Stanley Johnson, 58, Lacoochee, Florida Wanted Pasco man arrested after brandishing toy gun A 58-year-old Lacoochee man wanted on drug charges was arrested after brandishing what turned out to be a toy gun. The Pasco County Sheriff's Office received a 911 call in reference to a man seen outside a home located at 21153 Market Street with what appeared to be an AK 47. Responding officers located Stanley Johnson Sr. and realized he was carrying a toy gun. Deputies discovered Johnson was wanted on charges of possession of methamphetamine and possession of paraphernalia. He was taken into custody and charged with contempt of court/arrest order. He also faces charges for resisting an officer with violence (no, minor injuries), domestic battery, felon in possession of a firearm/weapon/ammo, unlawful possession of a concealed handcuff key, according to a charge report. He's being held at the Land O' Lakes Jail on a $40,000 bond. His toy gun was confiscated. _________________________________ Tech Support Pits From: Kitty Re: Saving pictures Dear Webby, i tried the print screen and nothing hapend.the ctrl and v did nothing. what is PSP?...i guess i'm just not as smart as i thought. thanks anyway. have a good one. . kitty Dear Kitty PSP (PaintShopPro) is just a popular graphics program. Any other graphics program will work the same. When you look at the page, from where you want to save a picture, that can not be saved the easy way, hit the Print Screen key. That puts a copy of what is on the screen into the clipboard. Now open your favorite paint or graphics program, open a new file and click in it to make sure it is active, then hit CTRL V or SHIFT INSERT. That pastes the entire screen view into that picture. Now use the cropping tool and cut away all the stuff around the picture, so that all that remains is the picture that you want to copy. Have FUN! DearWebby From Marina: Last summer, my husband, Steve, took me camping for the first time. At every opportunity, he passed along outdoor- survival lore. One day we got lost hiking in the deep woods. Steve tried the usual tactics to determine direction - moss on the trees (there was no moss), direction of the sun (it was an overcast day). Just as I was beginning to panic, he spotted a small cabin off in the distance. Steve pulled out his binoculars, studied the cabin, turned and led us right back to our camp. "That was terrific," I said. "How did you do it?" "Simple," he replied. "In this part of the country all TV satellite dishes point south." | If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can! | |
Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Cheese Grater Tip You can make cleaning your cheese grater a snap by rubbing cooking oil on the grater before using it. Tip provided by Thriftyfun.com ____________________________________________________ | | Could have been a love story |
____________________________________________________ Two Irishmen were adrift in a life boat following a dramatic escape from a burning freighter. While rummaging through the boat's provisions, one of the men stumbled across an old lamp. Secretly hoping that a genie would appear, he rubbed the lamp vigorously. To the amazement of the castaways, a genie came forth. This particular genie, however, stated that he could only deliver one wish, not the standard three. Without giving much thought to the matter the man blurted out, "Make the entire ocean into beer!" The genie clapped his hands with a deafening crash, and immediately the entire sea turned into the finest brew ever sampled by mortals. Simultaneously, the genie vanished. Only the gentle lapping of beer on the hull broke the stillness as the men considered their circumstances. One man looked disgustedly at the other whose wish had been granted. After a long, tension filled moment, he spoke: "Nice going, idiot! All that beer, and only such a small boat for a urinal !" __________________________________________________ | | How 7 long haired sisters made a fortune in the late 1800's. |
___________________________________________________ Nature has many laws that hold fast and true. For example, a baby ape will always grow-up to be an ape; likewise, a baby baboon will become an adult baboon. A baby pig will mature into a full grown pig. A baby jackass will always become a jackass. Yet oddly enough, women say a young man may grow-up to be any one of these. | Ophelia Dingbatter's NewsNo sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double opt-in confirmation request. |
____________________________________________________ Katie, an honest seven year old girl, admitted calmly to her parents that Freddie had kissed her after class. "How did that happen?" gasped her mother. "It wasn't easy," admitted the young lady, "but Mary and her sisters helped me catch him and hold him down." ____________________________________________________ | Today, Sept 22, in 1792 The French Republic was proclaimed. 1862 U.S. President Lincoln issued the preliminary Emancipation Proclamation. It stated that all slaves held within rebel states would be free as of January 1, 1863. 1903 Italo Marchiony was granted a patent for the ice cream cone. 1914 Three British cruisers were sunk by one German submarine in the North Sea. 1,400 British sailors were killed. This event alerted the British to the effectiveness of the submarine. 1927 In Chicago, IL, Gene Tunney successfully defended his heavyweight boxing title against Jack Dempsey in the famous "long-count" fight. 1949 The Soviet Union exploded its first atomic bomb successfully. 1955 Commercial television began in Great Britain. The rules said that only six minutes of ads were allowed each hour and there was no Sunday morning TV permitted. 1961 U.S. President John F. Kennedy signed a congressional act that established the Peace Corps. 1964 "The Man From U.N.C.L.E." debuted on NBC-TV. 1966 The U.S. lunar probe Surveyor 2 crashed into the moon. 1980 A border conflict between Iran and Iraq developed into a full-scale war. 1986 U.S. President Ronald Reagan addressed the U.N. General Assembly and voiced a new hope for arms control. He also criticized the Soviet Union for arresting U.S. journalist Nicholas Daniloff. 1988 Canada's government apologized for the internment of Japanese-Canadian's during World War II. They also promised compensation. 1990 Saudi Arabia expelled most of the Yememin and Jordanian envoys in Riyadh. The Saudi accusations were unspecific. 1991 An article in the London newspaper "The Mail" revealed that John Cairncross admitted to being the "fifth man" in the Soviet Union's British spy ring. 1992 The U.N. General Assembly expelled Yugoslavia for its role in the war between Bosnia and Herzegovina. 1994 The U.S. upgraded its military control in Haiti. 1998 The U.S. and Russia signed two agreements. One was to privatize Russia's nuclear program and the other was to stop plutonium stockpiles and nuclear scientists from leaving the country. 1998 U.S. President Clinton addressed the United Nations and told world leaders to "end all nuclear tests for all time". He then sent the long-delayed global test-ban treaty to the U.S. Senate. 2017 Do smiled. |
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