Good Morning, Do! Today is Monday, January 31 ___________________________________________________ If you can spare a coin, PLEASE hit PayPal with it! ___________________________________________________ Today, January 31, in 1971 Astronauts Alan B. Shepard Jr., Edgar D. Mitchell and Stuart A. Roosa blasted off aboard Apollo 14 on a mission to the moon. ___________________________________________________ When we ask for advice, we are usually looking for an accomplice. --- Marquis de la Grange (1639 - 1692) ___________________________________________________ Two priests were talking. The older one said to the younger, "When you came to our church I wondered how your new ideas were going to work. "When you replaced the front pews with bucket seats, I had my doubts. But now at every mass, the front seats are filled with young people. "When you 'jazzed up' the choir by singing new and peppy songs, I was afraid it might offend the older folks, but we have more people in church now than ever. "When you wanted to put in the drive-through confessional, I have to admit I thought you'd lost it. But more people are coming to confession than ever. "However, the neon sign out front that reads: 'Toot 'n tell or go to Hell' has to go! ___________________________________________________ Bonehead Award Denzel Glasco Couldnt Escape A Police Dog Named Duke. ____________________________________________________ Sailesh Jain Atlantic Puffin ____________________________________________________ Leah and Shifrah are old friends. They have both been married to their husbands for a long time. Shifrah is upset because she thinks her husband doesn't find her attractive anymore. "As I get older he doesn't bother to look at me," Shifrah cries. "I'm so sorry for you. As I get older my husband says that I get more beautiful every day," replies Leah. And Leah says, "Yes, but your husband is an antique dealer." ____________________________________________________ Reported by Rock An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD has been earned by Denzel Glasco, Boca Raton, Florida, USA Denzel Glasco Couldnt Escape A Police Dog Named Duke. The Palm Beach County Sheriffs Office says K9 Duke and his human counterpart nabbed Denzo Glasco, a wanted felon. The takedown went down in the 22200 block of NW 61st Avenue in Boca Raton. From PBSOs affidavit of probable cause: On January 07, 2022 the Palm Beach County Sheriffs office tactical unit received a request to locate and arrest Denzel Glasco for outstanding felony warrants for the following charges; Aggravated battery on a law enforcement officer with a deadly weapon, Battery on a law enforcement officer, Aggravated fleeing to elude, Grand theft Auto, resist arrest with violence, and Driving with no FL DL documented under warrant number 50-2022-CF-000167-AXXX-MB. There was also an outstanding warrant for violation of probation out of Saint Lucie County. Based on the request to locate Denzel Glasco I completed an extensive background into Denzel Glasco, to include known associates, family members and known addresses. On January 25, 2022 Agents with the Palm Beach County Sheriffs office Tactual unit were attempting to locate Denzel Glasco for his outstanding warrants. Agents began surveillance at approximately 1030 hours on this date located at 22267 SW 61st Ave Boca Raton FL 33428 which is an address for his girlfriend Kasandra Bien-Aime. At approximately 1240 hours, I observed Denzel Glasco exit the residence and begin walking around the front yard of the residence. I then observed Kasaundra Bien-Aime exit the residence and unlock a red Hyundai, she then re-entered the residence. Denzel Glasco then entered the passenger compartment of a red Hyundai with FL Tag; 68AZRC and sat down in the front passenger seat. Based on Denzels past of fleeing, and his current charges Agents came up with a tactical plan to take Denzel into custody safely. Agents then attempted to suppress the vehicle to prevent him from going mobile, as agents approached Denzel with red, blue lights and sirens activated, he immediately took flight on foot. I gave him numerous announcements (from) the Sheriffs office (to) stop, and Denzel continued to flee. Denzel was eventually apprehended three houses north by K9 Deputy J Sylvester and his K9 partner Duke. As Denzel was being taken into custody, a search incident to his arrest (revealed) a live 9mm round in his left front pocket along with 2 dollars and 82 cents in loose change. Denzel Glasco was booked into the Palm Beach County Jail and is now charged with Aggravated Battery on an officer; Battery on an officer; Flee Elude Police; Vehicle Theft; Resist Officer with violence; Moving traffic violation; Possession of a weapon or ammo by convicted Florida felon; Resist officer without violence; Probation violation. Glasco is being held in the Palm Beach County Jail in lieu of $230,000 bond. ____________________________________________________ If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can! ______________________________________________________ From: Helene Re: Memory chip cost Dear Webby I know you have mentioned the cost of memory chips before, but due to galloping senility, I fergot. Please tell me again! Helene Dear Helene First figure out how much space you need, and how many diferent chips you want. There is no point putting all your stuff onto ONE chip. Smaller chips are not only a LOT cheaper, but might help to steer you towards organization! Keep in mind that your hard drive is probably 40 GB, or less. A 512 GB chip is $15.68 at Amazon. Memory Chips Knock you out? That is 12 times the size of your hard drive. With some searching around, you might find some, that are even cheaper, but at $ 16 for 512 GB, that would be hardly worth your time. Have FUN! DearWebby "I was browsing in a souvenir shop when the man next to me struck up a conversation. Just as he was telling me that his wife was getting carried away with her shopping, a brief power outage caused the lights to flicker overhead. 'That,' he sighed, 'must be her checking out now.' " | If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can! | If you like my work,
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_____________________________________________ He's teaching her arithmetic, He said it was his mission, He kissed her once, he kissed her twice and said, "Now that's addition." And as he added smack by smack In silent satisfaction, She sweetly gave the kisses back and said, "Now that's subtraction." Then he kissed her, she kissed him, Without an explanation, And both together smiled and said, "That's multiplication." Then Dad appeared upon the scene and Made a quick decision. He kicked that kid three blocks away And said, "That's long division!" ______________________________________________ After the christening of his baby brother in church, little Johnny sobbed all the way home in the back seat of the car. His father asked him three times what was wrong. Finally, the boy replied, "That priest said he wanted us brought up in a good home, but I want to stay with you guys!" ______________________________________________ | Ophelia Dingbatter's NewsNo sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double opt-in confirmation request. |
A doctor answers his phone and hears the familiar voice of a colleague on the other end of the line. "We need a fourth for poker," said the friend. "I'll be right over," whispered the doctor. As he was putting on his coat, his wife asked, "Is it serious?" "Oh yes, quite serious," said the doctor gravely. "In fact, there are three doctors there already!" ___________________________________________________ | Today, January 31, in 1606 Guy Fawkes was executed after being convicted for his role in the "Gunpowder Plot" against the English Parliament and King James I. 1747 The first clinic specializing in the treatment of venereal diseases was opened at London Dock Hospital. 1858 The Great Eastern, the five-funnelled steamship designed by Brunel, was launched at Millwall. 1865 In America, General Robert E. Lee was named general-in- chief of the Confederate armies. 1865 The 13th Amendment to the U.S. Constitution was passed by the U.S. House of Representatives. It was ratified by the necessary number of states on December 6, 1865. The amendment abolished slavery in the United States. 1876 All Native American Indians were ordered to move into reservations. 1893 The trademark "Coca-Cola" was first registered in the United States Patent Office. 1917 Germany announced its policy of unrestricted submarine warfare. 1929 The USSR exiled Leon Trotsky. He found asylum in Mexico. 1930 U.S. Navy Lt. Ralph S. Barnaby became the first glider pilot to have his craft released from a dirigible, a large blimp, at Lakehurst, NJ. 1936 The radio show "The Green Hornet" debuted. 1940 The first Social Security check was issued by the U.S. Government. 1944 During World War II, U.S. forces invaded Kwajalein Atoll and other areas of the Japanese-held Marshall Islands. 1945 Private Eddie Slovik became the only U.S. soldier since the U.S. Civil War to be executed for desertion. 1946 A new constitution in Yugoslavia created six constituent republics (Serbia, Montenegro, Croatia, Slovenia, Bosnia-Herzegovina, Macedonia) subordinated to a central authority, on the model of the USSR. 1950 U.S. President Truman announced that he had ordered development of the hydrogen bomb. 1958 Explorer I was put into orbit around the earth. It was the first U.S. earth satellite. 1971 Astronauts Alan B. Shepard Jr., Edgar D. Mitchell and Stuart A. Roosa blasted off aboard Apollo 14 on a mission to the moon. 1971 Telephone service between East and West Berlin was re- established after 19 years. 1983 The wearing of seat belts in cars became compulsory in Britain. 1983 JCPenney announced plans to spend in excess of $1 billion over the next five years to modernize stores and to accelerate a repositioning program. 1985 The final Jeep rolled off the assembly line at the AMC plant in Toledo, OH. 1990 McDonald's Corp. opened its first fast-food restaurant in Moscow, Russia. 1995 U.S. President Clinton invoked presidential emergency authority to provide a $20 billion loan to Mexico to stabilize its economy. 1996 In Columbo, Sri Lanka, a truck was rammed into the gates of the Central Bank. The truck filled with explosives killed at least 86 and injured 1,400. 2000 An Alaska Airlines jet crashed into the ocean off Southern California. All 88 people on board were killed. 2001 A Scottish court in the Netherlands convicted one Libyan and acquitted a second in the bombing of Pan Am Flight 103 over Lockerbie, Scotland, that occurred in 1988. 2021 Do smiled. |
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