Good Morning, Do! Today is Thursday, February 3 Thank You Micki! ___________________________________________________ If you can spare a coin, PLEASE hit PayPal with it! ___________________________________________________ Today, February 3, in 1966 The first rocket-assisted controlled landing on the Moon was made by the Soviet space vehicle Luna IX. ___________________________________________________ Bonehead Award You Better Cook The F*****g Bacon Right! Shirtless Florida Man Arrested At Waffle House ___________________________________________________ A man bought a lie detector robot. Every time the robot detects a lie, it slaps the liar. He decided to test it at dinner on his son, who he suspected of often lying to him. DAD: Son where were you today during school hours? SON: "At school." Robot slaps son. "Ouch! Okay okay, I went to the movies!" DAD: "Which one?" SON: Harry Potter Robot slaps son again. "Ow! Okay, jeez - I was watching an adult movie, okay?" DAD: "What?? When I was your age I didnt even know those existed!" Robot slaps Dad. MOM: "Hahaha! He's your son, after all!" Robot slaps mother. ___________________________________________________ "Recently we got a call from that big white church at 11th and Walnut," the paramedic said. "A frantic usher was very concerned that during the sermon an elderly man passed out in a pew and appeared to be dead. The usher could find no pulse and there was no noticeable breathing." "What was so unusual and demanding about this particular call?" the interviewer asked. "Well," the paramedic said, "we carried out four guys before we found the one who was dead." ____________________________________________________ Paulette Elidrissi ____________________________________________________ PIANO, n. A parlor utensil for subduing the impenitent visitor. It is operated by depressing the keys of the machine and the spirits of the audience. Ambrose Bierce ____________________________________________________ Reported by Rock An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD has been earned by Martin Alvarez, 28, Cape Coral, Florida, USA You Better Cook The F*****g Bacon Right! Shirtless Florida Man Arrested At Waffle House A shirtless Florida man is behind bars after losing his temper over some bacon in a Florida Waffle House. According to investigators, Cape Coral police arrested 28- year-old Martin Alvarez on Wednesday after he had a meltdown over how his bacon should be cooked at Waffle House. According to police, Alvarez was shirtless and yelling racial slurs at the employees when they arrived. When police attempted to arrest Alvarez, he resisted and was threatened with a taser. According to police, Alvarez screamed, You better cook the f****** bacon right! Alvarez faces charges of disorderly intoxication, resisting an officer, and simple assault. Alvarez is in the Lee County Jail and has a hearing scheduled on Feb. 4, 2022. ---------- I was in that Waffle House two days after Hurricane Wilma in 2005 and quite enjoyed breakfast there. ____________________________________________________ If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can! ______________________________________________________ From: Richie Re: Dead Mcafee Dear Webby 2 quick questions 1) my McAfee expired and an add pops up several times a day asking me to renew. I don't think I need this program since I'm using Windows Security. Can I go into programs and delete McAfee completely w/o hurting my other programs? 2) Windows wants me to upgrade to 11 from 10. I'm not a computer geek - will this hurt? Thanks Richie Dear Richie I switched to Malwarebytes when McAfee refused to work with W7-PRO. Yes, that was a long time ago, but it was a smart move. You can use the REVO UN-installer to get rid of McAfee. Yes, I know, if you had been gullible enough to get W10, they will try the same con again and get you to get W11. Just ignore it for now. 19 years after hell freezes over, you MIGHT need W11, but until then, there is no rush. Have FUN! DearWebby Every man should marry. After all, happiness is not the only thing in life. The wise never marry, And when they marry they become otherwise. Success is a relative term. It brings too many relatives. Love is photogenic. It needs darkness to develop | If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can! | If you like my work,
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_____________________________________________ The Shiny-Walled Box Thingie An Amish boy and his father were visiting a nearby mall. They were amazed by almost everything they saw, but especially by two shiny silver walls that moved apart and back together again by themselves.The lad asked, "What is this, father?" The father (having never seen an elevator) responded, "I have no idea what it is." While the boy and his father were watching wide-eyed, an old lady in a wheelchair rolled up to the moving walls and pressed a button. The walls opened and the lady rolled between them into a small room. The walls closed and the boy and his father watched as small circles lit up above the walls.The walls opened up again and a beautiful twenty-four-year-old woman stepped out.The father looked at his son and said, "Go get your mother." ______________________________________________ Thanks to Deacon Jerry for this one: A southern Belle arrived a the church rather late, just as the congregation was rushing to their cars. "Is Mass out?" she panted to one of the dowagers. "No, child, but your skirt IS a little short," she replied. ______________________________________________ | Ophelia Dingbatter's NewsNo sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double opt-in confirmation request. |
A man visited a psychiatrist to talk about his dreams. "Every night," the man said, "I dream that these three hideous monsters are sitting on the edge of my bed, ready to attack me." "Hmmm," said the doctor. "I feel sure I can cure you of this problem. But the treatment will be costly. I charge $200 per weekly session and it may take a couple of years to solve your problem." "Two hundred dollars per session!" the man gasped. "Never mind getting rid of the monsters, Doctor. I think I will give that bed to my mother-in-law. That will fix their wagon!" ___________________________________________________ | Today, February 3, in 1488 The Portuguese navigator Bartholomeu Diaz landed at Mossal Bay in the Cape, the first European known to have landed on the southern extremity of Africa. 1690 The first paper money in America was issued by the Massachusetts colony. The currency was used to pay soldiers that were fighting in the war against Quebec. 1783 Spain recognized the independence of the United States. 1815 The world's first commercial cheese factory was established in Switzerland. 1862 Thomas Edison printed the "Weekly Herald" and distributed it to train passengers traveling between Port Huron and Detroit, MI. It was the first time a newspaper had been printed on a train. 1869 Edwin Booth opened his new theatre in New York City. The first production was "Romeo and Juliet". 1874 A patent was issued to Samuel W. Francis for the spork. 1900 In Frankfort, KY, gubernatorial candidate William Goebels died from an assasin's bullet wounds. On August 18, 1900, Ex-Sec. of State Caleb Powers was found guilt of conspiracy to murder Gov. Goebels. 1913 The 16th Amendment to the U.S. Constitution was ratified. It authorized the power to impose and collect income tax. 1916 In Ottawa, Canada's original parliament buildings burned down. 1917 The U.S. broke off diplomatic relations with Germany, which had announced a policy of unrestricted submarine warfare. 1918 The Twin Peaks Tunnel began service. It is the longest streetcar tunnel in the world at 11,920 feet. 1941 In Vichy, France, the Nazis used force to restore Pierre Laval to office. 1945 Russia agreed to enter World War II against Japan. 1966 The first rocket-assisted controlled landing on the Moon was made by the Soviet space vehicle Luna IX. 1969 At the Palestinian National Congress in Cairo, Yasser Arafat was appointed leader of the PLO. 1972 The first Winter Olympics in Asia were held at Sapporo, Japan. 1984 Challenger 4 was launched as the tenth space shuttle mission. 1998 Texas executed Karla Faye Tucker. She was the first woman executed in the U.S. since 1984. 1998 In Italy, a U.S. Military plane hit a cable causing the death of 20 skiers on a lift. 2009 Eric Holder was sworn in as attorney general. He was the first African-American to hold the post. 2010 The Alberto Giacometti sculpture L'Homme qui marche sold for $103.7 million. 2015 The British House of Commons voted to approve letting scientists create babies from the DNA of three people. 2021 Do smiled. |
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