Good Morning, Do! Today is Monday, March 11 In case you didn't notice, now all your clocks are right again! ______________________________________________________ Today, March 11 in 1888 The "Blizzard of '88" began along the U.S. Atlantic Seaboard shutting down communication and transportation lines. More than 400 people died.(March 11-14) More of today in history at History ______________________________________________________ | If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can! | |
Globalism is the fashionable word for Global Communism. Don't be fooled! --- Socratex When a true genius appears in this world, you may know him by this sign, that the dunces are all in confederacy against him. --- Jonathan Swift (1667 - 1745) ________________________________________________ If you like the Humor Letter, please vote! ______________________________________________________ Deciding to take up jogging, the middle-aged man was astounded by the wide selection of jogging shoes available at the local sports shoe store. While trying on a basic pair of jogging shoes, he noticed a minor feature and asked the clerk about it: "What's this little pocket thing here on the side for?" "Oh," said the sales clerk, "that's to carry spare change, so you can call your wife to come pick you up when you've jogged too far." _____________________________________________________ ______________________________________________________ T-SHIRT PHILOSOPHY The gene pool could use a little chlorine. AOC's IQ test score is back and the results were negative. Consciousness: that annoying time between naps. Ever stop to think, and forget to start again? Wrinkled was not one of the things I wanted to be when I grew up Procrastinate now Rehab is for quitters My dog can lick anyone Party - my crib - two A.M. (on a baby-size shirt) Finally 21, and legally able to do what I've been doing since 15 ______________________________________________________ Serenity Nebula _____________________________________________________ If you like the Humor Letter, please vote! Thanks for your votes! ___________________________________________________ An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD has been earned by Ernest Ray, 55, Pikeville, Kentucky Eastern Kentucky man indicted on multiple sex trafficking charges (pimping minors) U.S. Marshals arrested a Pike County man on sex trafficking charges. Ernest Ray, 55, of Pikeville is facing five counts of sex trafficking of minors. Ray appeared in U.S. District Court Wednesday and is facing the charges ranging between 2010 and 2016. The federal indictment also states that Ray is facing six counts of drug trafficking. Ray was indicted on the charges on February 28th. Ray was taken to the Pike County Detention Center on Tuesday. In court on Wednesday, Ray pleaded not guilty to all charges. A trial date is set for May 13th. If convicted, Ray faces potential life in prison for each of the sex trafficking charges. Pleading "not guilty" and forcing the juveniles to testify the gory details will negate any please for leniency. From: Charles Re: Cookies and Passwords Dear DearWebby Every time I delete the cookies, all my passwords are gone. Is there a way around that ? Charles Dear Charles That is probably just a setting in your CrapCleaner. It is quite popular to dump cookies and passwords when you go on vacation, and the easiest way to do that is to dump cookies in CrapCleaner. Unless you go away or lend the machine to somebody, just leave the cookies alone. Thay are quite safe nowadays. Have Fun! DearWebby Automatically move ALL your settings and programs. No need to re-install them. The only mover recommended by Intel and Microsoft. A woman goes to a counselor, worried about her husband's temper. The counselor asks, "What's the problem? The woman says, "I don't know what to do. Every day my husband loses his temper for no reason. It scares me." The Counselor says, "I have a cure for that. When it seems your husband is getting angry, take a double shot of Jack Daniel's and swish it in your mouth. Swish and swish, but don't swallow until he either leaves the room or calms down." Two weeks later, she goes back to the counselor, looking fresh and reborn. She tells the counselor, "That was a brilliant idea. Every time my husband started to get angry, I swished the Jack. I swished and swished, and he calmed down. How does swishing Jack Daniel's in your mouth do that? The counselor said, "The Jack Daniel's does nothing. Keeping your mouth shut is the trick. | If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can! | |
Thanks to Annett for this story: A woman accompanied her husband to the doctor's office. After his checkup, the doctor called the wife into his office alone. He said, "Your husband is suffering from a very severe stress disorder. If you don't follow my instructions carefully, your husband will surely die. "Each morning, fix him a healthy breakfast. Be pleasant at all times. For lunch make him a nutritious meal. For dinner prepare an especially nice meal for him. "Don't burden him with chores. Don't discuss your problems with him; it will only make his stress worse. Do not nag him. Most importantly, make love to him regularly. "If you can do this for the next 10 months to a year, your husband will regain his health completely. If not, he will die in six months." On the way home, the husband asked his wife, "What did the doctor say?" "He said you're going to die in six months," she replied ___________________________________________________ Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Thriftyfun.com Organizing Children's Outfits If you have young children who are just learning how to dress themselves, try organizing clothing by outfit. For example, hang a pair of slacks and a matching shirt in the closet together. That way your child can just choose an outfit and get dressed. Thriftyfun.com ____________________________________________________ | | Have you ever felt homesick for a place you've never been? Click on the link to read about the places some feel homesick for. |
___________________________________________________ The sense of freshness... A new supermarket opened in Montgomery, AL. It has an automatic water mister to keep the produce fresh. Just before it goes on, you hear the sound of distant thunder and the smell of fresh rain. When you pass the milk cases, you hear cows mooing and you experience the scent of fresh mown hay. In the meat department there is the aroma of charcoal grilled steaks with onions. When you approach the egg case, you hear hens cluck and cackle. The air is filled with the pleasing aroma of bacon and eggs frying. The bread department features the tantalizing smell of fresh baked bread & cookies. I don't buy toilet paper there any more. ___________________________________________________ Thanks to Connie for this story: A woman gives birth to a baby, and afterwards, the doctor comes in, and he says, "I have to tell you something about your baby." The woman sits up in bed and says, "What's wrong with my baby, Doctor? What's wrong???" The doctor says, "Well, now, nothing's wrong, exactly, but your baby is a little bit different. Your baby is a hermaphrodite." The woman says, "A hermaphrodite... what's that???" The doctor says, "Well, it means your baby has the...er... features... of a male and a female." The woman turns pale. She says, "Oh my god! You mean it has a penis... AND a brain?" ___________________________________________________ | Ophelia Dingbatter's NewsNo sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double opt-in confirmation request. |
A man stopped at a florist shop after work to pick up roses for his wife. As the clerk was putting on the finishing touches on bouquet, another man burst through the door, breathlessly requesting a dozen red roses. "I'm sorry," the clerk said. "This man just bought our last bunch." The desperate customer turned to the other man and begged, "May I please have those roses?" "What happened?" the first man asked. "Did you forget your wedding anniversary?" "It's even worse than that," the second man confided. "I crashed my wife's computer!" ___________________________________________________ | Today March 11 in 537 The Goths began their siege on Rome. 1302 The characters Romeo and Juliet were married this day according to William Shakespeare. 1649 The peace of Rueil was signed between the Frondeurs (rebels) and the French government. 1665 A new legal code was approved for the Dutch and English towns, guaranteeing religious observances unhindered. 1791 Samuel Mulliken became the first person to receive more than one patent from the U.S. Patent Office. 1810 The Emperor Napoleon Bonaparte was married by proxy to Archduchess Marie Louise of Austria. That got him Austria and Mexico. 1824 The U.S. War Department created the Bureau of Indian Affairs. Seneca Indian Ely Parker became the first Indian to lead the Bureau. 1845 Seven hundred Maoris led by their chief, Hone-Heke, burned the small town of Kororareka. The act was in protest to the settlement of Maoriland by Europeans, which was a breach of the 1840 Treaty of Waitangi. 1861 A Confederate Convention was held in Montgomery, Alabama, where a new constitution was adopted. 1865 Union General William Sherman and his forces occupied Fayetteville, NC. 1867 In Hawaii, the volcano Great Mauna Loa erupted. 1888 The "Blizzard of '88" began along the U.S. Atlantic Seaboard shutting down communication and transportation lines. More than 400 people died.(March 11-14) 1900 British Prime Minister Lord Salisbury rejected the peace overtures offered from the Boer leader Paul Kruger. 1901 Britain rejected an amended treaty to the canal agreement with Nicaragua. 1901 U.S. Steel was formed when industrialist J.P. Morgan purchased Carnegie Steel Corp. The event made Andrew Carnegie the world's richest man. 1904 After 30 years of drilling, the north tunnel under the Hudson River was holed through. The link was between Jersey City, NJ, and New York, NY. 1905 The Parisian subway was officially inaugurated. 1907 U.S. President Theodore Roosevelt induced California to revoke its anti-Japanese legislation. 1907 In Bulgaria, Premier Nicolas Petkov was killed by an anarchist. 1930 Babe Ruth signed a two-year contract with the New York Yankees for the sum of $80,000. 1930 U.S. President Howard Taft became the first U.S. president to be buried in the National Cemetery in Arlington, VA. 1935 The German Air Force became an official department of the Reich. 1941 U.S. President Franklin D. Roosevelt authorized the Lend- Lease Act, which authorized the act of providing war supplies to the Allies. 1946 Communists and Nationalists began fighting as the Soviets pulled out of Mukden, Manchuria. 1946 Pravda denounced Winston Churchill as anti-Soviet and a warmonger. 1947 The DuMont network aired "Movies For Small Fry." It was network television's first successful children's program. 1964 U.S. Senator Carl Hayden broke the record for continuous service in the U.S. Senate. He had worked 37 years and seven days. 1965 The American navy began inspecting Vietnamese junks in an effort to end arms smuggling to the South. 1969 Levi-Strauss started selling bell-bottomed jeans. 1978 Bobby Hull (Winnipeg Jets) joined Gordie Howe by getting his 1,000th career goal. 1985 Mikhail Gorbachev was named the new chairman of the Soviet Communist Party. 1986 Popsicle announced its plan to end the traditional twin- stick frozen treat for a one-stick model. 1988 A cease-fire was declared in the war between Iran and Iraq. 1990 Lithuania declared its independence from the Soviet Union. It was the first Soviet republic to break away from Communist control. 1990 In Chile, Patricio Aylwin was sworn in as the first democratically elected president since 1973. 1992 Former U.S. President Nixon said that the Bush administration was not giving enough economic aid to Russia. 1993 Janet Reno was unanimously confirmed by the U.S. Senate to become the first female attorney general. 1993 North Korea withdrew from the Nuclear Non-Proliferation Treaty refusing to open sites for inspection. 1994 In Chile, Eduardo Frei was sworn in as President. It was the first peaceful transfer of power in Chile since 1970. 1997 An explosion at a nuclear waste reprocessing plant caused 35 workers to be exposed to low levels of radioactivity. The incident was the worst in Japan's history. 1998 The International Astronomical Union issued an alert that said that a mile-wide asteroid could come very close to, and possibly hit, Earth on Oct. 26, 2028. The next day NASA's Jet Propulsion Laboratory announced that there was no chance the asteroid would hit Earth. 2002 Two columns of light were pointed skyward from ground zero in New York as a temporary memorial to the victims of the terrorist attacks of September 11, 2001. 2019 Do smiled. |
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