Good Morning, Do, Today is Sunday, February 19 Have FUN! DearWebby Todays Bonehead Award: Massachusetts woman drinks wine in front of cops after crashing her car into oncoming traffic. Details at Boneheads ______________________________________________________ Today, February 19 in 1856 The tintype camera was patented by Professor Hamilton L. Smith. See More of what happened on this day in history. ______________________________________________________ | If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can! | |
______________________________________________________ Anybody who has doubts about the ingenuity or the resourcefulness of a plumber never got a bill from one. --- George Meany Isn't it interesting that the same people who laugh at science fiction listen to weather forecasts and economists? --- Kelvin Throop III Man blames fate for other accidents, but feels personally responsible when he makes a hole in one. --- Socratex It's good sportsmanship to not pick up lost golf balls while they are still rolling. --- Mark Twain ______________________________________________________ If you like the Humor Letter, please vote! ______________________________________________________ >From Barb Moron Malfunctions: Ever looked up the education credentials of Hollywood and New York soothsayers? Most of them rely on knowledge clouds drifting across the Pacific, perhaps from an Asian mystic who wears lots of colorful beads. The mystic has brought them deep understanding of economics, governance, military affairs and especially science. It inspires bold words on most topics. LEONARDO DeCAPRIO's self-declared climate expertise enables him to speak on the world's environmental issues with a high-school education. He never took a college biology, chemistry, physics or climatology course, yet he knows more than most scientists. He proved that by addressing climate change before a full gathering of the UN. SEAN PENN's quick takes on everything put him at the lofty level of an Einstein. He visited Iraq once and became an expert on that country. The same for Iran. He also became buddies with the brutal Venezuelan communist Hugo Chavez and consistently lauded that murderous thug. Now that Chavez is gone and Venezuelans are raiding dumpsters for food scraps, Penn is having a rare silent moment. Penn deserves some credit for becoming a world-affairs genius based on two years of auto mechanics classes at Santa Monica College. KATY PERRY's passion about politics and economics freed her to quit high school at 15 without compromising her expert status. Asked the square root of 64, the name given the Constitution's first 10 amendments and to explain PE ratio, her answer might be, "Republicans are for the rich." She recently demonstrated wizardry by making an anti-Trump video. It suggested the new president would commit acts similar to forced World War II lockups of loyal Japanese- Americans. Perry probably did not know the internment plan was developed and executed by DEMOCRAT President Roosevelt. ROBERT DeNIRO must also be a quick learner. He acquired amazing scientific knowledge before dropping out of high school. He knows so much about geology that he joined Artists Against Fracking. (All the producing wells in his native Manhattan must have provided first-hand experience.) He's also an expert on pediatric medicine, enabling him to speak often against vaccinating infants and children. HARRY BELAFONTE is another multiple-subject whiz who needed little formal education. Some people might think this talented singer might limit his words to songs since his IQ is so low. Don't worry. Despite advancing age, he remains expert on most things. When black people of greater intelligence (that's most black people) say something moderate or conservative, he hurls the N word at them. Decades ago, he loudly denounced Reagan's elimination of CETA, the Comprehensive Employment Training Act. It was one of the most wasteful federal programs ever -- many vanished dollars, few jobs. Belafonte tore into Reagan during an interview Finally, the interviewer asked Belafonte what CETA stood for. Belafonte had no clue. He knew almost nothing about the act. ROSIE O'DONNELL was my personal favorite long before her hateful remark that Trump's 10-year-old son looked autistic. Her coarse philosophy must be that if you say something loudly, it need not be correct. Her bombast probably created lots of turmoil with both the women she "married." She also must have skipped chemistry during her high-school education. Otherwise, she would have not have offered "proof" that 9/11 was an inside job. She often bellowed that planes could not have brought down the Twin Towers because "steel doesn't burn." This constant jackass must not know that high temperatures DO reduce steel's strength. AL SHARPTON would be America's greatest at-large criminal, if not for Hillary's tens of millions swapped for influence and favors. Sharpton owes nearly $5 million in delinquent taxes to IRS and New York state. Makes you wonder why NBC/MSNBC would ever hire him. Sharpton accumulated vast theological knowledge by age 9, when he was "ordained" as a preacher. He didn't need more than a high-school education to keep marching forward. His most successful high school class must have been Shystehood. Despite one scandal after another, his 2004 run for president stands out. The Federal Election Commission forced him to return $100,000 in taxpayer money provided by FEC. One of many abuses was his $145,146 charge for "Campaign letter preparation -- Kinko's." Later, FEC fined Sharpton $285,000. JULIA ROBERTS proves that physical beauty does not ensure a beautiful brain. She had a fling at Georgia State University before pursuing acting lessons and joining a modeling group. Her acting and modeling skills guided her to such thoughtful observations as "Republican" comes between "reptile" and "repugnant" in the dictionary. Impressed? BROOKE SHIELDS, an Obama supporter, verifies the Roberts theory -- that physical beauty does not guarantee a beautiful brain. During her days as a boisterous animal- rights supporter, Shields had a mink coat custom-made. BRUCE SPRINGSTEEN could have been No. 1 on this list. He squabbled with nuns when in Catholic school. Transferring to a public school, he thought so little of the education experience that he skipped graduation. Had he gone to college, he might have majored in Hate 101. That's what we hear when he's not singing. He claims Trump is a "moron" who advocates "white nationalism." Springsteen demonstrates the analytical skills' void of most show-biz folk when he laments America's industrialization decline. Somebody please whisper to Springsteen that his party's business-crunching regulations and world-leading corporate tax rate compels U.S. manufacturers to go elsewhere. Finally, two others are outside the entertainment world, disqualifying them from winning an Oscar, Emmy or Grammy. Politicians Nancy Pelosi and Maxine Waters do compete for the Rock Head of the Year trophy each time they speak. Pelosi frequently wins with comments like needing to pass a bill "so we can find out what's in it." Waters has already locked up the 2017 trophy for suggesting a Trump impeachment over his campaign antics. Listen closely, Maxine. Presidents can be impeached only for what they do in office. ______________________________________________________ ______________________________________________________ A cowboy runs into a bar and says to the bartender, "Give me twenty shots of your best scotch, quick!" The bartender pours out the shots, and the cowboy drinks them as fast as he can. The bartender says, "Wow. I never saw anybody drink that fast." The cowboy replies, "Well, you'd drink that fast too if you had what I have." The bartender says "Oh my God! What is it? What do you have?" A hole in my pants where my wallet used to be. ______________________________________________________ There used to be a bridge from a restaurant to the stairs, but it collapsed due to lack of maintenance. >From FB ______________________________________________________ If you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter, please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: Thanks for your votes! ______________________________________________________ An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD has been earned by Erin Lynch, 37, Hingham, Massachusetts Massachusetts woman drinks wine in front of cops after crashing her car into oncoming traffic. A Massachusetts woman took the saying love the wine your with too far on Valentines Day when she continued drinking in front of officers after crashing her car, according to WPBF. Erin Lynch, 37, allegedly drove over the center line and hit an oncoming car, according to Hingham police. This driver was arrested on Valentines Day night after crossing over center line on Rockland Street and hitting an oncoming car. She continued to drink from the wine bottle after the crash after Officers asked for her license. The driver of the car that was hit was seat belted and not injured. This driver was arrested for drunk driving and other charges. When the officer approached Lynch, he spotted a bottle of wine and wine glass in the passenger seat of the car, according to police. Officers say instead of getting her license, Lynch drank from a bottle of wine. On their Twitter account, Hingham Police shared photos of a wine glass in the center console of Lynchs car. EMS arrived later and placed an uncooperative Lynch on a stretcher and transported her to South Shore Hospital, where she was sobered up prior to be placed under arrest. She must have looked really rough before they sobered her up! Lynch was charged with operating under the influence, driving to endanger, a marked lane violation, an open container violation and a seat belt violation. ______________________________________________________ Tech Support Pits From: Amanda Re: Descriptive picture names Dear Webby I was told to use decriptive names for pictures instead of just numbers, but now they don't show up any more. They show OK on my computer, but not on the web. Amanda Dear Amanda When the web was invented, it was decided that names have NO spaces in them. Then the Mac people gave in to Arab influence and allowed spaces in file names. A few years later Microsoft got paranoid about the Mac having something that Microsoft didn't have, and without thinking about it, followed suit. Well, the people in charge of the web thought and still think that spaces within names are stooopid and just a silly nuisance on the web. They really are, and they slow down browsing, because when the message comes back that there is no such file (with just the first portion), then some browsers add "%20", a space filler, and send another request out. If you have half a dozen words in your "descriptive file name", that wastes a lot of time. Just fill the gaps with underscores or the minus sign, and the files will show properly on all browsers. Have FUN! DearWebby >From Lilly: Over the years, my husband and I have usually managed to decode the cute but confusing gender signs sometimes put on restaurants' restroom doors (Buoys and Gulls, Laddies and Lassies, etc.), but every so often we get stumped. Recently my husband Dave wandered off in search of the men's room and found himself confronted by two marked doors. One was labeled "Bronco," and the other was designated "Cactus." Completely baffled, he stopped a restaurant employee. "Excuse me; I need to use the restroom," he said, gesturing toward the doors, "Which one should I use?" "Actually, we would prefer you to go there," the employee said, pointing to a door down the hall marked "Men." "Bronco and Cactus are our private dining rooms." | If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can! | |
Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Black Bean Stuffed Bell Peppers This recipe is a delicious variation on the typical ground beef stuffed peppers. By lalala... [795 Posts, 103 Comments] Total Time: 55-65 minutes Yield: 8 servings Ingredients: 1 1/4 cup water 1 (3 oz.) pkg. cream cheese, softened 2 cups cooked brown rice 2 cups baby spinach, chopped 1 (10 oz.) Rotel diced tomatoes with green chiles 1 (15 oz.) can black beans, rinsed and drained 1/2 small onion, finely diced 1 tsp cumin 1 tsp dried oregano 4 large green bell peppers, 1/2 cup cheddar cheese, grated Preheat oven to 350 degrees F. Add water to a 9 x 13 inch baking dish. Set aside. Wash bell peppers, then cut them in half lengthwise. Remove the stems, seeds, and membranes. Fill a large pot with water and bring to a boil. Put pepper halves into the boiling water and boil for 5 minutes. Remove peppers from pot and pat dry. Set aside. prepared pepper halves Put onion into a pan with a little oil. Cook until transparent and tender. NOTE: I had a pepper half that had some soft spots, so after removing those, I diced it up and cooked it with the onion. saute onions Put cream cheese into a bowl and stir until smooth. Add cooked rice, tomatoes, and onions. Then add cumin and oregano. Stir to combine. Mix in black beans, then add spinach; stir to combine. Stuff each pepper half with filling. Then place pepper halves in baking dish and top with cheese. Bake for 35-45 minutes or until filling is bubbly and peppers are tender. | | why women are different from men |
____________________________________________________ >From Martin: When the wise company president learned that his employees were tanking up on no-trace vodka martinis during their lunch hours, he issued the following memo: To all employees; If you must drink during your lunch hours, please drink whiskey. It is better for our customers to know you're drunk than to think you're stupid. ___________________________________________________ | | A mysterious cabin hidden deep in the woods. |
The mother of a problem child was advised by a psychiatrist, "You are far too upset and worried about your son. I am going to give you a prescription for some tranquillizers that I want you to start taking regularly." On her next visit the psychiatrist asked, "Have the tranquilizers calmed you down any?" "Oh, yes" the mother answered. "They do wonders for me." "And how is your son now?" he asked. "Who cares?" she replied. Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double opt-in confirmation request. |
____________________________________________________ | Today on February 19 1846 The formal transfer of government between Texas and the United States took place. Texas had officially become a state on December 29, 1845. 1856 The tintype camera was patented by Professor Hamilton L. Smith. 1878 Thomas Alva Edison patented a music player (the phonograph). 1881 Kansas became the first state to prohibit all alcoholic beverages. 1942 U.S. President Roosevelt signed an executive order giving the military the authority to relocate and intern Japanese-Americans. 1942 The New York Yankees announced that they would admit 5,000 uniformed servicemen free to each of their home ball games during the coming season. 1942 Approximately 150 Japanese warplanes attacked the Australian city of Darwin. 1945 During World War II, about 30,000 U.S. Marines landed on Iwo Jima. 1953 The State of Georgia approved the first literature censorship board in the U.S. Newspapers were excluded from the new legislation. 1959 Cyprus was granted its independence with the signing of an agreement with Britain, Turkey and Greece. 1963 The Soviet Union informed U.S. President Kennedy it would withdraw "several thousand" of its troops from Cuba. 1981 The U.S. State Department calls El Savador a "textbook case" of a Communist plot. 1981 Ford Motor Company announced a loss of $1.5 billion. 1985 Mickey Mouse was welcomed to China as part of the 30th anniversary of Disneyland. The touring mouse played 30 cities in 30 days. 1985 William Schroeder became the first artificial-heart patient to leave the confines of the hospital. 1985 Cherry Coke was introduced by the Coca-Cola Company. 1986 The U.S. Senate approved a treaty outlawing genocide. The pact had been submitted 37 years earlier for ratification. 1986 The Soviet Union launched the Mir space station. 1987 A controversial, anti-smoking publice service announcement aired for the first time on television. Yul Brynner filmed the ad shortly before dying of lung cancer. Brynner made it clear in the ad that he would have died from cigarette smoking before ad aired. 1997 Deng Xiaoping of China died at the age of 92. He was the last of China's major revolutionaries. 2002 NASA's Mars Odyssey spacecraft began using its thermal emission imaging system to map Mars. 2004 Former Enron Corp. chief executive Jeffrey Skilling was charged with fraud, insider trading and other crimes in connection with the energy trader's collapse. Skilling was later convicted and sentenced to more than 24 years in prison. 2005 The USS Jimmy Carter was commissioned at Groton, CT. It was the last of the Seawolf class of attack submarines. 2008 Fidel Castro resigned the Cuban presidency. His brother Raul was named as his successor. 2017 Do smiled. |
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