Good Morning, Do, Today is Sunday, March 18 Have FUN! Dearwebby Todays Bonehead Award: Montana teen arrested for robbing Barnes and Noble and Golden Corral with box cutter Bonehead ______________________________________________________ Today, March 18 in 1673 Lord Berkley sold his half of New Jersey to the Quakers. See More of what happened on this day in history. ______________________________________________________ | If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can! | |
______________________________________________________ Speak the truth, but leave immediately after. --- Slovenian Proverb You can never learn less; you can only learn more. The reason I know so much is because I have made so many mistakes. --- Buckminster Fuller _____________________________________________________ If you like the Humor Letter, please vote! ______________________________________________________ The orthopedic surgeon I work for was moving to a new office, and his staff was helping transport many of the items. I sat the display skeleton in the front of my car, his bony arm across the back of my seat. I hadn't considered the drive across town. At one traffic light, the stares of the people in the car beside me became obvious, and I looked across and explained, "I'm delivering him to my doctor's office." The other driver leaned out of his window. "I hate to tell you, lady," he said, "but I think it's too late!" ______________________________________________________ An applicant was filling out a job application. When he came to the question, "Have you ever been arrested?" he wrote, "No." The next question, intended for people who had answered in the affirmative to the previous question, was "Why?" The applicant answered it anyway: "Never got caught." _____________________________________________________ ______________________________________________________ Pigeon Point, San Mateo County coastline. _____________________________________________________ If you like the Humor Letter, please vote! Thanks for your votes! _____________________________________________________ At 3 am a desk clerk at a hotel gets a call from a drunk guy asking what time the bar opens. "It opens at noon," answers the clerk. About an hour later he gets a call from the same guy, sounding even drunker. "What time does the bar open?" He asks. "Same time as before... Noon," Replies the clerk. Another hour passes and he calls again, plastered. "Whatjoo shay the bar opins at?" The clerk then answers, "It opens at noon, but if you can't wait, I can have room service send something up to you." "No... I don't wanna git in... Ah wanna git OUT!!!" _____________________________________________________ An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD has been earned by Tyler Anthony Espinosa, 18, Billings, Montana Montana teen arrested for robbing Barnes and Noble and Golden Corral with box cutter A man accused of robbing two neighboring West End businesses with a box cutter Wednesday afternoon was arrested shortly after. Tyler Anthony Espinosa, 18, faces two charges of felony robbery after he brandished a box cutter at employees of both the Golden Corral and Barnes and Noble and demanded money. The first robbery was reported at about 3:10 p.m., according to a press release from Billings Police Department Sgt. Scott Conrad. Espinosa entered the Golden Corral, showed the box cutter and demanded money, according to police. After the employee gave him money, Espinosa left and went to the Barnes and Noble across the parking lot. At about 3:13 p.m., police received a report that a man had entered the Barnes and Noble, displayed a box cutter and demanded money. A cashier gave him all the money in the till. Police, already responding to the reported robbery at Golden Corral, arrested Espinosa in the area of 24th Street West and Monad Road shortly after he left Barnes and Noble, according to the press release. The press release credits BPD Officer Tina Hoeger with Espinosa's arrest. Hoeger was in her patrol car when she saw Espinosa fleeing after the second robbery. The box cutter blade was extended during the robberies, Conrad said. Espinosa was arrested without incident, according to the release. Tech Support Pits From: Bonnie Re: Desktop Background Dear Webby I have a question that you may be able to help with (or not). I find tons of photos all over the internet that I love to use for our desktop background, changing it often. Most of the time they work; other times, they come out in repeat squares of the photo all over the screen rather than one very nice photo. I've attached 2 of those that do this; would you open them, then try to choose as background and see what happens. If you get repeats all over too, is there any chance you can tell me why? I know that with my luck, they'll work fine for you! If that's the case, then I give up and will just hang on to the ones I find that work and say c'est la vie. I look forward to hearing from you whenever you have time to play around. Thanks a bunch and also many thanks always for my DearWebby letter; I love them! Bonnie face=Arial> Dear Bonnie Those pictures are too small to look nice when stretched to the entire desktop. For best results, resize pictures to whatever you have set for your screen resolution. If you have your resolution set to 1600 x 1200, then a 400 x 300 picture would have to be stretched 4 times, and probably would look very coarse and VERY ugly. Sometimes you can shuffle the size up in increments. Double the size, do an edge-preserving-smoothing, sharpen a bit, then increase the size again, and so on. It doesn't work with all pictures, but some may be worth trying. Usually, it is best to just use large pictures. On the better sites, you can click through the pictures to get a larger version. Have FU!N DearWebby Sven was out shopping in the mall when he met his friend Ole outside the jewelers. Ole noticed that Sven had a small gift-wrapped box in his hand. "So vat have you just purchased Sven?" Ole asks. "Vell, now that you've asked," replies Sven, "it's my Lena's birthday tomorrow and I asked her this morning vat she vanted for her birthday she said, 'Oh, I don't know, dear, yust give me something with a lot of diamonds in it.'" "So vat did you get her?" Ole asks. Sven replied, smiling, "I bought her a deck of cards." -------------- Keep in mind that the smart Swedes emigrated to Minnasohta and Mexifornia. The rest of them are still in Sweden, ordering their under-age daughters to NOT report rapes by Muslim immigrants, so as not to make Sweden appear "racist". Automatically move ALL your settings and programs. No need to re-install them. The only mover recommended by Intel and Microsoft. Once upon a time, a woman had a wonderful, faithful cat. One day, a man ran over the cat accidentally with his car. So, the man went to the old woman and said, "I'm terribly sorry about your cat. I'd like to replace him." "That so nice of you!", said the old woman, deeply touched. "How good are you at catching mice?" | If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can! | |
A husband said to his wife, "No, I don't hate your relatives. In fact, I like your mother-in-law better than I like mine." ____________________________________________________ Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Easy Egg Salad for Sandwiches By Verity Pink [45 Posts, 19 Comments] Next time you are cooking scrambled eggs, cook a double quantity and leave half to cool. These can then be mashed with your preferred mayonnaise and freshly ground black pepper to taste. It saves all the palaver of shelling boiled eggs, and is easier to mix into the bargain. I normally scramble my eggs with salted butter - if you prefer to use only skimmed milk, you may wish to add salt. If I am not planning to use the sandwich filling immediately, I will usually store in the fridge for up to three days, covered with cling film. Tip provided by Thriftyfun.com ____________________________________________________ From another reader who wants to NOT have her name mentioned: Hi Webby How are you and yours? I loved the 'story' about the "George and Dragon", still laughing because I know which "George and Dragon" pub that is in England it's in West Wycombe Buckinghamshire, and yes George probably would have been the 'best bet' I'm sending the story on to some friends who 'frepuent' that particular pub, they'll laugh too. Regards ***** (who should remain nameless if you print this for obvious reasons. | Rainbow colored mountains. |
___________________________________________________ Thanks to Cookie for this story: My two brothers arrived at boot camp together. On the first morning, their unit was dragged out of bed by a drill sergeant and made to assemble outside. "My name's Sergeant Jackson," he snarled. "Is there anyone here who thinks he can whip me?" My six-foot-three, 280-pound, brother raised his hand and said, "Yes sir, I do." The Sergeant replied with a snarl, "I had my eye on you and I was hoping you would say that." The sergeant grabbed him by the arm and led him out in front of the entire group. "Men," he said, "this is my new assistant. Now is there anyone here who thinks he can whip both of us?" ___________________________________________________ | Ophelia Dingbatter's NewsNo sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double opt-in confirmation request. |
____________________________________________________ | Today, March 18 in 0037 The Roman Senate annuls Tiberius' will and proclaims Caligula emperor. 1190 Crusaders killed 57 Jews in Bury St. Edmonds England. 1532 The English parliament banned payments by English church to Rome. 1541 Hernando de Soto observed the first recorded flood of the Mississippi River. 1673 Lord Berkley sold his half of New Jersey to the Quakers. 1692 William Penn was deprived of his governing powers. 1813 David Melville patented the gas streetlight. 1818 The U.S. Congress approved the first pensions for government service. 1834 The first US railroad tunnel was completed. The work was in Pennsylvania. 1835 Charles Darwin left Santiago Chile on his way to Portillo Pass. 1850 Henry Wells & William Fargo founded American Express. 1865 The Congress of the Confederate States of America adjourned for the last time. 1874 Hawaii signed a treaty giving exclusive trading rights with the islands to the U.S. 1881 Barnum and Bailey's Greatest Show on Earth opened in Madison Square Gardens. 1891 Britain became linked to the continent of Europe by telephone. 1899 Phoebe, a moon of the planet Saturn, was discovered. 1900 Ajax (Amsterdam Football Club) was formed. 1902 In Turkey, the Sultan granted a German syndicate the first concession to access Baghdad by rail. 1903 France dissolved the Catholic religious orders. 1906 In Morocco, it was reported that France and Germany were in a deadlock at the Algeciras Conference. 1909 Einar Dessau of Denmark used a short wave transmitter to become the first person to broadcast as a "ham" operator. 1911 Theodore Roosevelt opened the Roosevelt Dam in Arizona. It was the largest dam in the U.S. at the time. 1911 North Dakota enacted a hail insurance law. 1913 Greek King George I was killed by an assassin. Constantine I succeeded him. 1916 Russia countered the Verdun assault with an attack at Lake Naroch. The Russians lost 100,000 men and the Germans lost 20,000. 1917 The Germans sank the U.S. ships, City of Memphis, Vigilante and the Illinois, without any warning. 1920 Greece adopted the Gregorian calendar. 1921 Poland was enlarged with the second Peace of Riga. 1921 The steamer "Hong Koh" ran aground off of Swatow China. Over 1,000 people were killed. 1922 Mohandas K. Gandhi was sentenced to six years in prison for civil disobedience in India. He served only 2 years of the sentence. 1931 Schick Inc. displayed the first electric shaver. 1937 More than 400 people, mostly children, were killed in a gas explosion at a school in New London, TX. 1938 Mexico took control of all foreign-owned oil properties on its soil. 1938 New York first required serological blood tests of pregnant women. 1940 Adolf Hitler and Benito Mussolini held a meeting at the Brenner Pass. The Italian dictator agreed to join in Germany's war against France and Britain during the meeting. 1942 The third military draft began in the U.S. because of World War II. 1943 The Reich called off its offensive in Caucasus. 1943 American forces took Gafsa in Tunisia. 1944 The Russians reached the Rumanian border in the Balkans during World War II. 1945 1,250 U.S. bombers attacked Berlin, because there were still some houses standing. 1945 Maurice "Rocket" Richard became the first National Hockey League (NHL) player to score 50 goals. 1948 France, Great Britain, and Benelux signed the Treaty of Brussels. 1949 The North Atlantic Treaty Organization (NATO) was ratified. 1950 Nationalist troops landed on the mainland of China and capture Communist held Sungmen. 1952 In Philadelphia, PA, the first plastic lenses were fitted for a cataract patient. 1953 An earthquake hit West Turkey killing 250 people. 1954 RKO Pictures was sold for $23,489,478. It became the first motion picture studio to be owned by an individual. The person was Howard Hughes. 1959 U.S. President Eisenhower signed the Hawaii statehood bill. 1962 French and Algerian rebels agreed to a truce. 1963 "Tovarich" opened at the Broadway Theater in New York City for 264 performances. 1963 France performed an underground nuclear test at Ecker Algeria. 1963 The U.S. Supreme Court handed down the Miranda decision concerning legal council for defendants. 1965 Cosmonaut Alexei Leonov became the first man to spacewalk when he left the Voskhod II space capsule while in orbit around the Earth. He was outside the spacecraft for about 20 minutes. 1966 The government of Indonesia was formed by General Suharto. 1966 Scott Paper began selling paper dresses for $1. 1968 The U.S. Congress repealed the requirement for a gold reserve. 1969 U.S. President Nixon authorizes Operation Menue. It was the 'secret' bombing of Cambodia. 1970 The U.S. Postal Service experienced the first postal strike. 1970 The NFL selected Wilson to be the official football and scoreboard as official time. 1971 U.S. helicopters airlifted 1,000 South Vietnamese soldiers out of Laos. 1971 A landslide in Lake Yanahuani, Chungar Peru, killed 200. 1974 Most of the Arab oil-producing nations ended their five-month embargo against the United States, Europe and Japan. 1975 Saigon abandoned most of the Central Highlands of Vietnam to Hanoi. 1975 The Kurds ended their fight against Iraq. 1977 Vietnam turned over an MIA to a U.S. delegation. 1979 Iranian authorities detained American feminist Kate Millett. The next day she was deported. 1980 The Vostok rocket exploded on the launch pad killing 50. 1981 The U.S. disclosed that there were biological weapons tested in Texas in 1966. 1986 Buckingham Palace announced the engagement of Prince Andrew to Sarah Ferguson. 1986 The U.S. Treasury Department announced that a clear, polyester thread was to be woven into bills in an effort to thwart counterfeiters. 1987 The U.S. performed nuclear tests at a Nevada test site. 1990 Thirteen paintings were stolen from the Isabella Stewart Gardner Museum in Boston. The value was $100 million making it the largest art robbery in history. 1989 A 4,400-year-old mummy was discovered at the Pyramid of Cheops in Egypt. 1990 The first free elections took place in East Germany. 1990 In Tampa, FL, a little league player was killed after being hit with a pitch. 1992 Leona Hemsly was sentenced to 4 years in prison for tax evasion. 1992 White South Africans voted for constitutional reforms that would give legal equality to blacks. 1994 Zsa Zsa Gabor filed for bankruptcy. 1997 A Russian AN-24 crashed killing 50 people. 2003 China's new president, Hu Jintao, announced that his country must deepen reforms and raise living standards of workers and farmers. 2018 Do smiled. |
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