Good Morning, Do! Today is Monday, March 28 Today in March 28 in 1945, Germany's last launch of a V-2 rocket against England. All unused V2's were shipped to the US after the war and used for the space effort. ___________________________________________________ Bonehead Award Parking lot shooting in Tempe leaves man dead; suspects arrested ___________________________________________________ I dote on his very absence. --- William Shakespeare (1564 - 1616) You know your children have grown up when they stop asking you where they came from and refuse to tell you where they are going. --- Socratex ___________________________________________________ A young boy about five or six years was talking on the telephone. As his dad listened on, the youngster told his grandparents dejectedly, "Mom is in the hospital, so the twins and Roxie and Billy and Sally and Max-the-dog and me and Dad are home all alone." ____________________________________________________ One day, after a man had his annual physical, the doctor came out and said, "You had a great check-up. Is there anything that you'd like to talk about or ask me?" "Well," he said, "I was thinking about getting a vasectomy." "That's a big decision! Have you talked it over with your family?" "Yeah, we took a vote... and they're in favor of it, 15 to 2." ___________________________________________________ If you can spare a coin, PLEASE hit PayPal with it! ___________________________________________________ A young woman, a military dependant, came into the dental clinic with a problem tooth. She had several children and appeared to be quite ready to give birth to another one at almost any moment. It was necessary to use X-rays to locate the source of her problem, so she was conducted to the dental unit with an X-ray machine, and her husband followed. The X-ray technician was lining up the cone of the machine preparatory to making the first exposure, when he noticed that the young woman's husband was standing beyond her, but in a position where he would receive some radiation after it passed through her teeth. Being well trained, the technician stopped and asked the fellow to move to a safer position. "Sir, please step over there. Too much of this radiation will make you sterile." A broad smile appeared on the young woman's face, he eyes grew wide with excitement, and she clapped her hands while saying, "Joe, come here, hold my hand!" ____________________________________________________ Whale in the Laurentian Channel on Canada's East Coast ___________________________________________________ One evening a preschooler, Krystal, and her parents were sitting on the couch chatting. Krystal asked, " Daddy, are you the boss of the house?" Her father proudly replied, "Yes, I am the boss of the house." But Krystal quickly burst his bubble when she added, "Did Mommy tell you that you can play boss tonight, Daddy?" ____________________________________________________ A man was bragging about his sister who disguised herself as a man and joined the army. "But, wait a minute," said the listener, "She'll have to dress with the boys and shower with them too. Won't she?" "Sure," replied the man. "Well, won't they find out?" The man shrugged, "So far, none of them complained." ____________________________________________________ Reported by Rock An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD has been earned by Isaiah Williams, 18, Tempe, Arizona, USA Parking lot shooting in Tempe leaves man dead; suspects arrested The Tempe Police Department is investigating a shooting in the parking lot of an Ikea store that left a man dead, and say it likely stemmed from a drug deal. Sgt. Hector Encinas said officers found a male with a gunshot wound and Tempe Fire Medical Rescue Department treated him, but he ultimately died. His name is Chris McCrimmon, 21. "Maricopa PD along with Gila River PD had located a vehicle that they believed matched the description from the information we provided. They were able to stop that vehicle and safely get two folks into custody," Encinas said. He further explains, "Luckily, Maricopa PD and Gila River PD let us know that they were behind a vehicle matching that description and requested, based on investigation, that they pull that vehicle over and detain all occupants involved and thats where we are at, and luckily they were detained without incident." Isaiah Williams, 18, was identified as one of the suspects. A second suspect is reportedly an unidentified 17-year-old boy. According to court documents, Williams and the other suspect told police they were meeting the victim to buy marijuana. "They planned had planned to beat the victim up and take his property because he had robbed Williams before," read a portion of the court documents. When the victim recognized Williams, he tried to pull a gun from his waistband but was hit by the other suspect. "All three subjects fought for control of the firearm that the victim had," court documents read. "The weapon discharge 2-3 times and the victim was shot." Williams and the other suspect left the scene with the backpack of marijuana and the gun. Police said when officers stopped the suspects' vehicle in Maricopa, the backpack was thrown from the car. "The backpack was later found to have marijuana, a revolver with one fire cartridge, and a 10mm Glock handgun with 8 of 14 in the magazine," court documents read. Williams was booked into jail and is accused of multiple charges, including first-degree murder and armed robbery. The second suspect has not been identified. A day later, the Tempe Police Department held a press conference, detailing the shooting and where the investigation is so far and says these types of drug and gun-related crimes are on the rise. ____________________________________________________ If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can! ______________________________________________________ DearWebby's Tech Support Pits From: Jim RE: Dialecter Dear Webby Webby: Would you please refer me to your source for your dialecter program. Thanks, Jim Dear Jim, The Dialectizer is at http://rinkworks.com/dialect/ Do NOT use it to translate a Microsoft Software Agreement into Jive or Redneck, unless you want to laugh yourself a hernia! Have FUN! DearWebby ______________________________________________________ If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can! __________________________________________ So," Jane asked the detective she had hired, "did you trail my husband?" "Yes ma'am. I did. I followed him to a bar, to an out-of-the-way restaurant and then to an apartment." A big smile crossed Jane's face,"Aha!! Then I've got him!" she said, gloating. " Is there any doubt what he was doing?" "No ma'am." replied the sleuth, "It's pretty clear, that he was following you and taking pictures for his web site." | If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can! | If you like my work,
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_____________________________________________ Two Yuppettes were shopping. When they started to discuss their home lives, one said, "Seems like all Alfred and I do anymore is fight. I've been so upset, I've lost 20 pounds." "Why don't you just leave him then?" asked her friend. "Oh! Not yet." the first replied, "I'd like to lose at least another fifteen pounds first." ______________________________________________ A couple trying to break into society hosted a dinner party. As the guests were enjoying their soup, the maid called the hostess from the table. The maid informed her that the wine had been enjoyed more than anticipated and a lot earlier than planned. So she jumped in the car and raced to the liquor store to get more and was in such a hurry on the way back that when she drove over the edge of the curb at the entrance or something near it, that she didn't even take the time to check what it was. Just before the maid was supposed to serve the main course, the maid again called the hostess to the kitchen. This time she told her that some time in the afternoon the cat had must have climbed on the kitchen table and eaten a large portion of the salmon's midsection. The hostess decided to fill the eaten portion with some canned salmon and other camouflage. As the guests were enjoying the fish, the maid called the hostess into the kitchen again, and announced while wringing her hands, "Madam, the cat is dead." The hostess and her husband informed the guests and suggested it might be best if everyone went to the hospital and had their stomachs pumped. Returning home, the couple asked the maid where she had put the cat. "It is still out on the driveway, where you ran over it on the way back from the liquor store." ______________________________________________ | Ophelia Dingbatter's NewsNo sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double opt-in confirmation request. |
Jeff went to the eye doctor. The receptionist asked him why he is there. Jeff complained, "I keep seeing spots in front of my eyes." The receptionist asks, "Have you ever seen a doctor?" and the man replies, "No, just spots." ___________________________________________________ | Today, March 28, in 1774, Britain passed the Coercive Act against Massachusetts. 1797, Nathaniel Briggs patented a washing machine. 1834, The U.S. Senate voted to censure President Jackson for the removal of federal deposits from the Bank of the United States. 1854, The Crimean War began with Britain and France declaring war on Russia. 1864, A group of Copperheads attack Federal soldiers in Charleston, IL. Five were killed and twenty were wounded. 1865, Outdoor advertising legislation was enacted in New York. The law banned "painting on stones, rocks and trees." 1885, The Salvation Army was officially organized in the U.S. 1898, The U.S. Supreme Court ruled that a child born in the U.S. to Chinese immigrants was a U.S. citizen. This meant that they could not be deported under the Chinese Exclusion Act. 1905, The U.S. took full control over Dominican revenues. 1910, The first seaplane took off from water at Martinques, France. The pilot was Henri Fabre. 1911, In New York, suffragists performed the political play "Pageant of Protest." 1917, During World War I the Womens Army Auxiliary Corps (WAAC) was founded. 1922, Bradley A. Fiske patented a microfilm reading device. 1930, Constantinople and Angora changed their names to Istanbul and Ankara respectively. 1933, In Germany, the Nazis ordered a ban on all Jews in businesses, professions and schools. 1938, In Italy, psychiatrists demonstrated the use of electric-shock therapy for treatment of certain mental illnesses. 1939, The Spanish Civil War ended as Madrid fell to Francisco Franco. 1941, The Italian fleet was defeated by the British at the Battle of Matapan. 1942, British naval forces raided the Nazi occupied French port of St. Nazaire. 1945, Germany's last launch of a V-2 rocket against England. All unused V2's were shipped to the US after the war and used for the space effort. 1947, The American Helicopter Society revealed a flying device that could be strapped to a person's body. 1962, The U.S. Air Force announced research into the use of lasers to intercept missiles and satellites. 1967, Raymond Burr starred in a TV movie titled "Ironside." The movie was later turned into a television series. 1968, The U.S. lost its first F-111 aircraft in Vietnam when it vanished while on a combat mission. North Vietnam claimed that they had shot it down. 1979, A major accident occurred at Pennsylvania's Three Mile Island nuclear power plant. A nuclear power reactor overheated and suffered a partial meltdown. 1981, In Bangkok, Thailand, Indonesian terrorists hijacked an airplane. Four of the five terrorists were killed on March 31. 1986, The U.S. Senate passed $100 million aid package for the Nicaraguan contras. 1986, More than 6,000 radio stations of all format varieties played "We are the World" simultaneously at 10:15 a.m. EST. 1990, Jesse Owens received the Congressional Gold Medal from U.S. President George H.W. Bush. 1990, In Britain, a joint Anglo-U.S. "sting" operation ended with the seizure of 40 capacitors, which can be used in the trigger mechanism of a nuclear weapon. 1991, The U.S. embassy in Moscow was severely damaged by fire. 1994, Violence between Zulus and African National Congress supporters took the lives of 18 in Johannesburg. 1999, Paraguay's President Ral Cubas Grau resigned after protests inspired by the assassination of Vice-President Luis Mara Argaa on March 23. The nation's Congress had accused Cubas and his political associate, Gen. Lino Csar Oviedo, for Cubas' murder. Senate President Luis Gonzlez Macchi took office as Paraguay's new chief executive. 2010, China's Zhejiang Geely Holding Group Co. signed a deal to buy Ford Motor Co.'s Volvo car unit. 2017, In Kimberley, Western Australia, a sauropod foot print was found that measured five feet and nine inches long. 2022 Do smiled. |
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