Good Morning, Do! Today is Thursday, Sept 7 ___________________________________________________ Q Here's a rule I recommend: Never practice two vices at once. --- Tallulah Bankhead (1903 - 1968) There is a tragic flaw in our precious Constitution, and I don't know what can be done to fix it. This is it: Only nut cases want to be president. --- Kurt Vonnegut (1922 - 2007) A lie told often enough becomes the truth. --- Lenin (1870 - 1924) --- Nancy Pelosi (1940 - ) Thought for the Day: The Bible teaches to love your neighbor, and Kama-Sutra explains how. ____________________________________________________ Bonehead Award Illinois man facing multiple charges of sexual assault and child pornography ___________________________________________________ If you can spare a coin, PLEASE hit PayPal with it! ___________________________________________________ History on this day, Sept 7, in 1822, Brazil declared its independence from Portugal. ___________________________________________________ hey call a bride's new husband a groom. A groom is also a term applied to a fellow who works in a stable. Does this mean a marriage should automatically be very stable. 0r is it that they expect you to have to yell so much you'll be a little horse? __________________________________________________ From Linda __________________________________________________ If you can spare a coin, PLEASE hit PayPal with it! ___________________________________________________ Melvin Horowitz was feeling ill at work, and left after lunch to go home. He walked into the house and found his wife Fanny in the arms of another man. He started to yell at the interloper, "What right have you got to be making love to my wife?" The man answered calmly, "You may as well know that I am in love with Fanny, and I would like to marry her. I understand you're a gambler. Why don't you be a good sport and sit down and play a game of gin rummy with me? If I lose, I'll never see her again; if you lose, you must agree to divorce her.... Okay?" "Okay," replied Horowitz, "but just to make it a little more interesting, why don't we also play for a dollar a point?" ___________________________________________________ A real smooth talker who prided himself on being the ladies man finally met his match one night. The smooth talker had just learned that his father only had days to live and that he would inherit over ten million dollars. Overjoyed at the promised wealth, he celebrated at the local bar, where he just happened to see a drop dead gorgeous busty, long legged blonde. Of course, he couldn't wait to work his charms on her and indeed she was so interested in him, they went back to his house together. The next day she became his stepmother. __________________________________________________ AthabascaFalls. Jasper. Alberta ___________________________________________________ An engineer dies and reports to the pearly gates. St. Peter checks his dossier and says, "Ah, you're an engineer -- you're in the wrong place." So, the engineer reports to the gates of hell and is let in. Pretty soon, the engineer gets dissatisfied with the level of comfort in hell, and starts designing and building improvements. After awhile, they've got air conditioning and flush toilets and escalators, and the engineer is a pretty popular guy. One day, God calls Satan up on the telephone and says with a sneer, "So, how's it going down there in hell?" Satan replies, "Hey, things are going great. We've got air conditioning and flush toilets and escalators, and there's no telling what this engineer is going to come up with next." God replies, "What??? You've got an engineer? That's a mistake -- he should never have gotten down there; send him up here." Satan says, "No way. I like having an engineer on the staff, and I'm keeping him." God says, "Send him back up here or I'll sue." Satan laughs uproariously and answers, "Yeah, right. And just where are YOU going to get a lawyer?" ___________________________________________________ The detective was leafing through the suspect's crime history folder. "Hmmm, quite a record." he said. "Shoplifting, hit-and- run, disorderly conduct, armed robbery, sexual assault, sexual assault, rape, manslaughter..." "Yeah, I know." said the prisoner. "It took me quite a while to figure out what I was good at." _____________________________________________________ DearWebby's Tech Support Pits From: Evana Re: Difference between W7 and W10 Dear Webby What is the real difference between W7 and W10? My W7 works just fine, and I don't see any reason for shelling out big bucks to get a W10 machine. Evana Dear Evana I feel the same way. W10 needs a lot more RAM to run as fast as a W7 machine. If you put W10 onto a W7 machine, it will be awfully slow, and browsers will bung up a lot. NOT a good solution. Microsoft-DELL-ACER-HP want you to go buy a brand Chinese made new W10 machine and refill Bill's bank account. He might run for president in 2024 and might need a few extra Billions for that. As far as the functions of the different machines are concerned, there is no difference. They both do exactly the same, but the W7 machine will do it faster, unless you have overloaded it with Microsoft updates and bug fixes. According to Microsoft, W10 is safer. However, if you have MalwareBytes installed, and continue to use reasonable common sense, your W7 machine is quite safe. Have FUN! DearWebby ________________________________________________ When the family car develops a slight knock, a father asks his daughter if she had bought high-octane or regular gas the last time he took the car out, but the girl can't remember. "You probably got the cheaper gas," his father says. "That could account for the engine running so rough." "No, the gas wasn't cheaper," the boy says. "Well, how much did it cost?" "It cost the same as always," says his daughter. "I put in the usual 5 dollars worth to get me home." ___________________________________________________ >From Dale Returning from a trip to visit my grandmother in Canada, I was stopped by a state trooper in New York for exceeding the speed limit. Grateful to have received a warning instead of a ticket, I gave him a small bag of my grandmother's delicious chocolate-chip cookies and proceeded on my way. Later, I was stopped by another trooper. "What have I done?" I asked. "Nothing," the trooper said, smiling. "I heard you were passing out great chocolate-chip cookies. ___________________________________________________ If you can spare a coin, PLEASE hit PayPal with it! ___________________________________________________ An Indian, a black man and a Polack share an apartment. The rent is due soon and all three are unemployed, so they all go out to look for a job. That evening, they met to discuss their day. The Indian says to his roommates, "Me pissed me no find no job." The black man then says, "Shit man, I ain't hooked up no job either!" The Polack chimes in, "Hey, I found a good job! The owner said all I had to do was show up on time at 8A.M. and I could go to work!" Knowing that the Indian woke really early and watched the sun rise, the Polack asked the Indian to wake him at 6:30 so he could get to work on time and then went to bed. The black man liked to play practical jokes and talked the Indian into helping him play one on the Polack. While the Polack slept the other two painted his face black. The Indian woke the Polack at 6:30 who then got dressed and went straight to his new job. When he got there, he told the owner he was ready to go to work. The owner said he didn't know what he was talking about. The Polack reminded him of his promise to put him to work if he showed up on time. The owner said that the guy he hired was white. The Polack replied, "I am white". The owner said, "No you're not, you are black, go look in the mirror!" The Polack went to the bathroom, looked in the mirror and exclaimed, "That stupid damn Indian woke up the wrong guy!" _______________________________________________ A Bonehead award has been reported by Rock Andrew J. Pusateri, 38, Elk Grove, Illinois, USA Illinois man facing multiple charges of sexual assault and child pornography An Elk Grove Village man is facing multiple charges of sexual assault and child pornography after he was spotted allegedly exposing himself at a business in the 4000 block of N. Bridge Street in Yorkville in July. The Yorkville Police Department alleges that 38-year-old Andrew Pusateri had exposed himself at a water park and then tried to get rid of a camera containing videos of him exposing himself and touching a juvenile at the park. Police say a search found more cameras. After an investigation, a warrant was issued for Pusateri's arrest. He turned himself into the Yorkville Police Department last week and was booked into the Kendall County Jail in Yorkville. Court documents allege the juvenile victim was under thirteen- years-old. Pusateri is due in court on September 25. __________________________________________________ If you can help with the cost of the humor letter, please donate what you can! If you like my work, please donate a dollar, or two, if you can afford it! Please, help me stay online! __________________________________________________ History Today Sept 7, in 1812, Napoleon defeated the Russian army of Alexander I at the battle of Borodino. 1813, The nickname "Uncle Sam" was first used as a symbolic reference to the United States. The reference appeared in an editorial in the New York's Troy Post. 1822, Brazil declared its independence from Portugal. 1880, George Ligowsky was granted a patent for his device that threw clay pigeons for trapshooters. 1888, Edith Eleanor McLean became the first baby to be placed in an incubator. 1896, A.H. Whiting won the first automobile race held on a racetrack. The race was held in Cranston, RI. 1901, China and the Eight-Nation Alliance signed the Boxer Protocol ending the Boxer Rebellion 1915, Johnny Gruelle received a patent for his Raggedy Ann doll. (U.S. Patent D47789) 1921, Margaret Gorman of Washington, DC, was crowned the first Miss America in Atlantic City, NJ. 1927, Philo T. Farnsworth succeeded in transmitting an image through purely electronic means by using an image dissector. 1930, The cartoon "Blondie" made its first appearance in the comic strips. 1940, London received its initial rain of bombs from Nazi Germany during World War II. 1942, During World War II, the Russian army counter attacked the German troops outside the city of Stalingrad. 1971, "The Beverly Hillbillies" was seen for the final time on CBS-TV. 1977, The Panama Canal treaties were signed by U.S. President Carter and General Omar Torrijos Herrera. The treaties called for the U.S. to turn over control of the canal's waterway to Panama in the year 2000. 1979, ESPN, the Entertainment and Sports Programming Network, made its debut on cable TV. 1983, In Ireland, voters approved a constitutional ammendment that banned abortion. 1984, American Express Co. issued the first of its Platinum charge cards. 1986, President Augusto Pinochet survived an assassination attempt made by guerrillas. 1986, Desmond Tutu was the first black to be installed to lead the Anglican Church in southern Africa. 1987, Erich Honecker became the first East German head of state to visit West Germany. 1989, Legislation was approved by the U.S. Senate that prohibited discrimination against the handicapped in employment, public accommodations, transportation and communications. 1999, Viacom Inc. announced that it had plans to buy CBS Corp. 2023, Do smiled.
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