Good Morning, Do! Today is Wednesday, August 8 Have FUN! Dearwebby Todays Bonehead Award: 4-year-old drowned in river was screaming as mom carried her into water Bonehead ______________________________________________________ Today, August 8 in 1899 The refrigerator was patented by A.T. Marshall More of today in history at HIstory ______________________________________________________ | If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can! | |
The prime purpose of eloquence is to keep other people from talking. --- Louis Vermeil What the world needs is more geniuses with humility, there are so few of us left. --- Oscar Levant (1906 - 1972) The keenest sorrow is to recognize ourselves as the sole cause of all our adversities. --- Sophocles ____________________________________________________ If you like the Humor Letter, please vote! ______________________________________________________ A man goes to a clinic early on a Monday morning and asks to see a doctor. He appears to be in great pain, and his hands are in bandages. The nurse looks at him sympathetically. "Arthritis, with complications?" she asks. "No," says the man. "Do-it-yourself, with concrete blocks." ------------- Believe it or not, the best remedy by far is doing the dishes! Not loading the dishwasher, but doing them the old fashioned way with your hands deep in the dish water. I have done a lot of concrete work and I KNOW. After doing concrete work I will fight for doing the dishes. Actually, I learned to like doing them and volunteer even if there is no concrete work for many miles around. _____________________________________________________ ______________________________________________________ Looks like Grand Canyon, AZ Wish I was there! _____________________________________________________ If you like the Humor Letter, please vote! Thanks for your votes! _____________________________________________________ A little town attracted the attention of sociologists at the state university because of its high birth rate. A team of researchers wrote a grant proposal, got a chunk of money, hired additional staff members and moved to the town. While the staff was busy getting ready for the big research effort, the project director went to the local coffee shop for a cup of coffee. While he was drinking his coffee, he started talking with the waitress, and at one point in the conversation he asked her if she has any idea why the birth rate is so high. "Sure," she says. "Every morning the 6:00 train comes through here and blows its whistle for the crossing. It wakes everybody up, and, well, it's too late to go back to sleep, and it's too early to get up." ___________________________________________________ An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD AND a Darwin Award has been earned by Shakayla Monae Denson, 26, Tampa, Florida 4-year-old drowned in river was screaming as mom carried her into water The Tampa police chiefs voice seemed to halt more than once Friday as he updated the public on the shocking death of JeHyrah Daniels, who witnesses said was carried screaming into the Hillsborough River by her mother Thursday afternoon and left there to drown. Shakayla Monae Denson, 26, is charged with first-degree felony murder, aggravated child abuse and grand theft auto, Chief Brian Dugan said during a Friday morning media briefing. She had been observed earlier, when she stole a car and forced the kid into it, and again later, when she pulled the screaming kid out of the car and carried her into the river. The kid seems to have been aware that her mother was going to drown her. The chief said investigators are struggling to determine why Denson would kill her daughter. Unfortunately, when you deal with these tragic situations, we tend to have more questions than we do the answers, Dugan said. Were still digging into Denson and what her state of mind is. The girl's mother, Shakayla Denson, 26, is accused of carrying the screaming girl into the river and dumping her in the murky water before wading out again. The girl's body was found by divers about 30 minutes later. Bronte Wittpenn/Tampa Bay Times via AP Were going to have to figure out what her mindset was that took her and put her in a place where she would leave a 4-year-old to drown in the Hillsborough River, Dugan said. WFTS in Tampa reported that the Hillsborough County Sheriffs Office wrapped up an investigation into Densons parenting just three days before JeHyrah was killed. The agencys Child Protection Investigation Division began a probe June 19 into allegations of inadequate supervision of the girl. The investigative report obtained by the news station states that about a month before, the toddler was with her mother at her great-grandmothers home when she wandered away to a nearby park. Though the distance from the house to the park was not listed, the case worker estimated it to be about a six-minute walk. The mother seems overwhelmed and tired of caring for JeHyrah, the summary of allegations in the report says. JeHyrah is (redacted) non-verbal, and it seems like the mother is upset that she has these disabilities and is not the baby she dreamed of having. The mother is easily distracted and doesn't show much attention toward Je'Hyrah. She just lets her run around and do what she wants. She doesn't seem to have the maturity to address the special needs that JeHyrah has. The case worker assigned to the investigation reported that Densons home was appropriate and free of hazards and had a security system that sounded if a door was opened. JeHyrah appeared well cared for and had no bruises or other marks visible on her body, the report says. She was playing in the house during the visit and appeared to be happy, healthy and active, the report states. She was bonded with the mother and appeared to listen to basic commands. From: Juniper Re: Disappearing files Dear Webby, Lately I noticed that MailWasher will spool down a hundred or so mails, but then just show a listing of 15 - 20. What's the scoop? Should I be concerned? Juniper Dear Juniper That's just a sign that you are getting good with making filters. For example, if you made a filter that deletes mails automatically, if they contain the names of certain pharmaceuticals or watches or stock in the body of the mail, then MailWasher will count them, but it won't insult your eyes with that crap. Have FUN DearWebby Automatically move ALL your settings and programs. No need to re-install them. The only mover recommended by Intel and Microsoft. An old Spanish poet from the middle centuries whose name is unknown, made the following statement: "One must attempt the ridiculous, if he expects to achieve the impossible." | If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can! | |
Good News: You baptized seven people today in the river. Bad News: You lost two of them in the swift current. Good News: The Women's Guild voted to send you a get-well card. Bad News: The vote passed by 31-30. Good News: The Elder Board accepted your job description the way you wrote it. Bad News: They were so inspired by it, they also formed a search committee to find somebody capable of filling the position. Good News: You finally found a choir director who approaches things exactly the same way you do. Bad News: The choir mutinied. Good News: Mrs. Jones is wild about your sermons. Bad News: Mrs. Jones is also wild about the "Gong Show," "Beavis and Butthead" and "Texas Chain Saw Massacre." Good News: Your women's softball team finally won a game. Bad News: They beat your men's softball team. Good News: The trustees finally voted to add more church parking. Bad News: They are going to blacktop the front lawn of your parsonage. Good News: Church attendance rose dramatically the last three weeks. Bad News: You were on vacation. Good News: Your deacons want to send you to the Holy Land. Bad News: They are stalling until the next war. Good News: Your biggest critic just left your church. Bad News: He has been appointed the Head Bishop of your denomination. Good News: The youth in your church come to your house for a surprise visit. Bad News: It's in the middle of the night and they are armed with toilet paper and shaving cream to "decorate" your house. ____________________________________________________ Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Muddy Footprints When you get muddy footprints in your house or car, sprinkle them with baking soda and let them dry. Once dry, vacuum up the dirt and then clean any leftover stain with Resolve or a similar carpet spot cleaner. If you try to clean the mud when it is wet, it will just spread it around. If you are in a hurry, use Zorb-All or any similar industrial absorbent material. You get it at automotive parts stores and many industrial and construction supply places. It is sort of like an industrial strength kitty litter. A bag that will fill 3 five gallon pails is usually around $12 - $15. It will absorb any liquid and even pull dried and sun baked motor oil out of carpet or concrete. Just sprinkle it on, spread it a bit and let it sit for 15 -20 minutes, less if it is just puddle mud, then sweep or vacuum. Even ancient oil stains on your driveway from the previous owner's old klunker, will get pulled out of the concrete over night. Don't get stuck on the name "Zorb-All". That's a generic name like "Crescent Wrench". The people at the automotive parts store will know what you mean, but the name on the bag will depend on where you live and the brand they stock. Have FUN! DearWebby Tip provided by Thriftyfun.com ____________________________________________________ | | This artist burns fractals into wood and then turns it into furniture. Look at the gallery on their web site. |
___________________________________________________ A tall, handsome, confident gentleman walked over to a girl and made a disparaging remark about the men who had been chatting her up. She laughed gaily, "When I don't want a man's attentions," she confided, "and he asks where I live, I just say, 'I'm visiting here.'" "Ha-ha," he laughed, relishing her humor. "Where do you really live?" "In Alaska. I'm just visiting here." ___________________________________________________ | Ophelia Dingbatter's NewsNo sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double opt-in confirmation request. |
OLE 'N LENA HAVE A BABY Lena is pregnant with Ole's child. Late one night, Lena vakes Ole and says, "I tink it's time!" So Ole fired up the Yohn Deere tractor and took her to the hospital to have their first baby. She had a little boy, and the doctor looked over at Ole and said, "A son! Ain't dat great!" Well, Ole got excited by dis, but yust den the doctor spoke up and said, "Hold on! We ain't finished yet!" The doctor den held up a little girl. He said, "Hey, Ole! You got you a daughter!" She's a pretty little ting, too." Ole got kind of puzzled by this, an then the doctor said, "Holey Moley, Ole, we still ain't done yet!" The doctor then delivered another boy and said, "Ole, you yust had yourself another boy!" Ole was flabbergasted by this news! A couple days later, Ole brought Lena and their three children home in the self-propelled combine. He was real serious and he asked Lena, "How come we got tree on the first try?" Lena said, "You remember dat night we ran out of Vaseline and you vent out in the garage and got dat dere 3-in-1 Oil?" Ole said, "Yeah, I do. Uffda! It's a dam good ting I didn't get the WD-40." ____________________________________________________ | Today, August 8 in 1356 Edward "the Black Prince" began a raid north from Aquitaine. 1815 Napoleon Bonaparte set sail for St. Helena, in the South Atlantic. The remainder of his life was spent there in exile. 1844 After the killing of Joseph Smith on June 27, Bringham Young was chosen to lead the Mormons. 1876 Thomas Edison received a patent for the mimeograph. The mimeograph was a "method of preparing autographic stencils for printing." 1899 The refrigerator was patented by A.T. Marshall. 1900 In Boston, the first Davis Cup series began. The U.S. team defeated Great Britain three matches to zero. 1911 The number of representatives in the U.S. House of Representatives was established at 435. There was one member of Congress for every 211,877 residents. 1940 The German Luftwaffe began a series of daylight air raids on Great Britain. 1945 The United Nations Charter was signed by U.S. President Truman. 1945 At the end of World War II the Soviet Union declared war on Japan. 1950 Whataburger opened its restaurant in Corpus Christi, TX. 1953 The U.S. and South Korea initiated a mutual security pact. 1956 Japan launched an oil tanker that was 780 feet long and weighed 84,730 tons. It was the largest oil tanker in the world. 1966 Michael DeBakey became the first surgeon to install an artificial heart pump in a patient. 1974 U.S. President Nixon announced that he would resign the following day. 1978 The U.S. launched Pioneer Venus II, which carried scientific probes to study the atmosphere of Venus. 1988 It was announced that a cease-fire between Iraq and Iran had begun. 1989 The space shuttle Columbia took off from Cape Canaveral, FL. The trip was said to be a secret five-day military mission. 1990 American forces began positioning in Saudia Arabia, ready to step across the line into Iraq. 1991 John McCarthy, a British TV producer, was released by his Lebanese kidnappers. He had been held captive for more than five years. A rival group abducted Jerome Leyraud in retaliation and threatened to kill him if any more hostages were released. 1991 The U.N. Security Council approved North and South Korea for membership. 1994 The first road link between Israel and Jordan opened. 1994 Representatives from China and Taiwan signed a cooperation agreement. 1995 Saddam Hussein's two eldest daughters, their husbands, and several senior army officers defected. 2000 The submarine H.L. Hunley was raised from ocean bottom after 136 years. The sub had been lost during an attack on the U.S.S. Housatonic in 1864. The Hunley was the first submarine in history to sink a warship. 2018 Do smiled. |
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