Humor: Does Microsoft Office have a PDF editor?

Dear Webby's Humor Letter widely read, forwarded, copied and imitated daily since 1994 Dear Webby's Humor Letter, daily since 1994 Clean humor and tech tips, updated daily! The Dear Webby Humor Letter is still the best Humor Newsletter and is available in regular HTML and large font HTML for vision impaired readers. The Dear Webby Humor newsletter is sent from a server that has a Listed Sender ID, proper SPF record, and matching forward and reverse DNS. It has an approved privacy policy and full contact information. The Dear Webby Humor Letter is strictly Double Opt-In and is not on any blacklist. No advertising mails are sent from this address or IP number. If you are not receiving your subscription, click here. Return to Webby homepage Hosting | Software | Contacts | Privacy Policy | About You have a friend @Webby! High traffic web space on reliable UNIX and Linux servers with the fastest connectivity. s Regular HTML version Click here for Large Print Subscribe | Unsubscribe | To write to me: DearWebby@webby.com Good Morning, ! Today is Saturday, August 5 Thank you, James!!! >From Helena That picture of thr Bioluminescence under the Milky Way is outrageously beautiful!! I am going to see if I can get it printed poster size. Oh, and by the way, I too want a bronze statue of Joe! Helena ____________________________________________________ History: today, August 5 in ___________________________________________________ Bonehead award 23 years for home invasion and stabbing ___________________________________________________ Q The worst sin toward our fellow creatures is not to hate them, but to be indifferent to them: that's the essence of inhumanity. --- George Bernard Shaw (1856 - 1950) The real problem is not whether machines think but whether men do. --- B. F. Skinner (1904 - 1990) ___________________________________________________ If you can spare a coin, PLEASE hit PayPal with it! ___________________________________________________ USA Senior Health Care Solution So you're a senior citizen and the government says no health care for you, what do you do? Our plan gives anyone 65 years or older a gun and 4 bullets. Your are allowed to shoot 2 senators and 2 representatives. Of Course, this means you will be sent to prison where you will get 3 meals a day, a roof over your head, and all the health care you need! New teeth, no problem. Need glasses, great. New hip, knees, kidney, lungs, heart? All covered. And who will be paying for all of this? The same government that just told you that you are too old for health care. You can even get a free sex change and DD siliconies! Plus, because you are a prisoner, you don't have to pay any income taxes any more. IS THIS A GREAT COUNTRY OR WHAT?! ___________________________________________________ Once upon a time, there lived a man who had a terrible passion for baked beans. He loved them, but they always had an embarrassing and somewhat lively reaction on him. One day he met a girl and fell in love. When it became apparent they would marry, he thought to himself, she'll never go through with the marriage with me carrying on like this, so he made the supreme sacrifice and gave up beans. Shortly after that they were married. A few months later, on the way home from work, his car broke down and since they lived in the country, he called his wife and told her he would be late because he had to walk. On his way home, he passed a small cafe and the wonderful aroma of baked beans overwhelmed him. Since he still had several miles to walk he figured he could walk off any ill effects before he got home. So he went in and ordered, and before leaving had 3 extra large helpings of baked beans. All the way home he putt-putted. By the time he arrived home he felt reasonably safe. His wife met him at the door and seemed somewhat excited. She exclaimed, "Darling, I have the most wonderful surprise for you for dinner tonight!" She put a blindfold on him, and led him to his chair at the head of the table and made him promise not to peak. At this point he was beginning to feel another one coming on. Just as his wife was about to remove the blindfold, the telephone rang. She again made him promise not to peek until she returned, and away she went to answer the phone. While she was gone, he seized the opportunity. He shifted his weight to one leg and let go. It was not only loud, but ripe as a rotten egg. He had a hard time breathing, so he felt for his napkin and fanned the air about him. He had just started to feel better, when another urge came on. He raised his leg and RRIIIPPPP!!! It sounded like a diesel engine revving, and smelled worse. To keep from gagging, he tried fanning his arms a while, hoping the smell would dissipate. He got another urge. This was a real blue ribbon winner, the windows shook, the dishes on the table rattled and a minute later the flowers on the table were dead. While keeping an ear tuned in on the conversation in the hallway, and keeping his promise of staying blindfolded, he carried on like this for the next ten minutes, farting and fanning each time with his napkin. When he heard the phone farewells he neatly laid his napkin on his lap and folded his hands on top of it. Smiling contentedly, he was the picture of innocence when his wife walked in. Apologizing for taking so long, she asked if he had peeked at the dinner table. After assuring her he had not peeked, she removed the blindfold and yelled, "SURPRISE!!!" To his shock and horror, there were twelve dinner guests seated around the table for his surprise birthday party. ___________________________________________________ Eye of utah By the way, those rocks have the same color as the rocks on Mars. __________________________________________________ If you can spare a coin, PLEASE hit PayPal with it! ___________________________________________________ All the children are restless and the teacher decides to have an early dismissal. Teacher: "Whoever answers the questions I ask, first and correctly can leave early today." Little Johnny says to himself "Good, I want to get outta here. I'm smart and will answer the question." Teacher: "Who said ' Four Score and Seven Years Ago'?" Before Johnny can open his mouth, Susie says, "Abraham Lincoln." Teacher: "That's right Susie, you can go home." Johnny is mad that Susie answered the question first. Teacher: "Who said 'I Have a Dream'?" Before Johnny can open his mouth, Mary says, "Martin Luther King." Teacher: "That's right Mary, you can go." Johnny is even madder than before. Teacher: "Who said 'Ask not, what your country can do for you'?" Before Johnny can open his mouth, Nancy says, "John F. Kennedy." Teacher: "That's right Nancy , you may also leave." Johnny is boiling mad that he has not been able to answer any of the questions. When the teacher turns her back Johnny says, "I wish these bitches would keep their mouths shut!" The teacher turns around: "NOW WHO SAID THAT?" Johnny: "TIGER WOODS. CAN I GO NOW?" ____________________________________________________ When I burn a bull on the altar as a sacrifice, I know it creates a pleasing odor for the Lord - Lev.1:9. The problem is my neighbors. They claim the odor is not pleasing to them. Should I smite them? ____________________________________________________ Tracy Ryan, Australia ___________________________________________________ One day this old lady walks into the doctors office and is shown into a room. When the doctor comes in and asks what the problem is she answers, "I have awful gas, but it doesn't bother me. You see, it's completely silent, and doesn't smell at all." So the doctor, after examining her thoroughly gives her some pills and tells her to take one everyday and come back in a week. So the old lady comes back, and when the doctor asks if her problem is any better she replies, "Well I don't know what you gave me but now my gas smells terribly!" The doctor replies "Well now that we've got your sinuses cleared up let's work on your hearing!"' __________________________________________________ DearWebby's Tech Support Pits from: Yolanda re: Does Microsoft Office have a PDF editor? Dear Webby Does Microsoft Office have a PDF editor? Yolanda Dear Yolanda After Open Office added PDF support, Microsoft did too, so that their victims did not need Open Office on the side. Now Microsoft WORD can edit PDF files. Have FUN! DearWebby ___________________________________________________ If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can! If you like my work,Please donate a dollar, or two, if you can afford it!Please, help me stay online! _____________________________________________ Sign at the church: Parking is for Church patrons only. Violators will be baptized. ____________________________________________ Mexican Lynx ________________________________________________ A Bonehead award has been reported by Rock 23 years for home invasion and stabbing Joshua A. Doss, 43, Huntley, Illinois, USA A Huntley man is pleading guilty to a home invasion and stabbing in Carpentersville. 43-year-old Joshua A. Doss is being sentenced to 23 years in prison as part of the plea. The Kane County State's Attorney's Office says that in December of 2020 Doss went to the home of his estranged wife, where he was barred by a court order from going, and stabbed a victim in the chest and forearm. Both the stabbing victim and the wife fled. Doss was found in the home's master bedroom. Doss and his wife were going through a divorce at the time. The state's attorney's office says that Doss will need to serve 85 percent of his sentence. ___________________________________________________ Tell a man there are 347 billion stars in the universe, and he'll believe you. Tell him a bench has wet paint on it, and he'll have to touch it to be sure. ___________________________________________________ To err is human, but to really foul things up requires a commitee. __________________________________________________ If you can help with the cost of the humor letter, please donate what you can! If you like my work, please donate a dollar, or two, if you can afford it! Please, help me stay online! __________________________________________________ History Today August 5, in 1833, The village of Chicago was incorporated. The population was approximately 250. 1861, The U.S. federal government levied its first income tax. The tax was 3% of all incomes over $800. The wartime measure was rescinded in 1872. 1864, During the U.S. Civil War, Union forces led by Adm. David G. Farragut were led into Mobile Bay, Alabama. 1884, On Bedloe's Island in New York Harbor, the cornerstone for the Statue of Liberty was laid. 1914, The first electric traffic signal lights were installed in Cleveland, Ohio. 1921, The first play-by-play broadcast of a baseball game was done by Harold Arlin. KDKA Radio in Pittsburgh, PA described the action between the Pirates and Philadelphia. 1921, The cartoon "On the Road to Moscow", by Rollin Kirby, was published in the "New York World". It was the first cartoon to win a Pulitzer Prize. 1923, Henry Sullivan became the first American to swim across the English Channel. 1924, New York "Daily News" debuted the comic strip "Little Orphan Annie," by Harold Gray. 1944, Polish insurgents liberated a German labor camp in Warsaw. 348 Jewish prisoners were freed. 1953, During the Korean conflict prisoners were exchanged at Panmunjom. The exchange was labeled Operation Big Switch. 1960, For the first time two major league baseball clubs traded managers. Detroit traded Jimmy Dykes for Cleveland's Joe Gordon. 1963, The Limited Test Ban Treaty was signed by the United States, Britain, and the Soviet Union. The treaty banned nuclear tests in space, underwater, and in the atmosphere. 1964, U.S. aircraft bombed North Vietnam after North Vietnamese boats attacked U.S. destroyers in the Gulf of Tonkin. 1966, In New York, groundbreaking for the construction of the original World Trade Center began. 1969, The Mariner 7, a U.S. space probe, passed by Mars. Photographs and scientific data were sent back to Earth. 1974, U.S. President Nixon said that he expected to be impeached. Nixon had ordered the investigation into the Watergate break-in to halt. 1974, "Tank McNamara", the comic strip, premiered in 75 newspapers. 1981, The U.S. federal government started firing striking air traffic controllers. 1984, Torontos Cliff Johnson set a major league baseball record by hitting the 19th pinch-hit home run in his career. 1986, It was revealed that artist Andrew Wyeth had secretly created 240 drawings and paintings of his neighbor. The works of Helga Testorf had been created over a 15-year period. 1989, In Honduras, five Central American presidents began meeting to discuss the timetable for the dismantling of the Nicaraguan Contra bases. 1990, U.S. President George H.W. Bush angrily denounced the Iraqi invasion of Kuwait and threatened dire consequences. 1991, An investigation was formally launched by Democratic congressional leaders to find out if the release of American hostages was delayed until after the Reagan-Bush presidential election. 1991, Iraq admitted to misleading U.N. inspectors about secret biological weapons. 1992, Federal civil rights charges were filed against four Los Angeles police officers. The officers had been acquitted on California State charges. Two of the officers were convicted and jailed on violation of civil rights charges. 1998, Iraqi President Saddam Hussein began not cooperating with U.N. weapons inspectors. 2002, The US. closed its consulate in Karachi, Pakistan. The consulate was closed after local authorities removed large concrete blocks and reopened the road in front of the building to normal traffic. 2009, Google purchased its first public company. The company was the video software maker On2 Technologies. 2011, NASA announced that its Mars Reconnaissance Orbiter had captured photographic evidence of possible liquid water on Mars during warm seasons. 2011, Juno was launched from Cape Canaveral Air Force Station on a mission to Jupiter. It was the first solar-powered spacecraft to go to Jupiter. 2011, Standard & Poor's Financial Services lowered the United States' AAA credit rating by one notch to AA-plus. 2023, smiled. If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can! PayPal The safer, easier way to pay online! Go to TOP Well, , that's all for today. Have FUN ! Dear Webby from Webby.com Please give a friend a subscription to the Humor Letter If the greeting on top does NOT have your first name, or at least your favorite nickname, please tell me. I can correct that in two seconds and greet you properly from then on. If you want to give a gift subscription to a friend, but don't have time to subscribe her or him, just hit REPLY and tell me. I will gladly enter them for you and send them a confirmation request. To reply to me personally, just hit REPLY or write to humor@webby.com If you do not normally get the Humor Letter every day, and this was the first time, then a friend sent you a one time sample or maybe even gave you a gift subscription. If you like the Humor Letter, then you can subscribe at http://webby.com/sub.html You can also UNsubscribe there. If you don't want to receive the Webby Humor Letter, please unsubscribe by clicking the link below: You are currently subscribed to the Regular HTML version with this address: UNSUBSCRIBE from the regular HTMLversion Give a friend a free gift subscription to the Humor Letter . Subscribe | Give a Gift Subscription | Unsubscribe Click here for Large Print Go to TOP Click to Return to Webby homepage Home Help Hosting Privacy Software Contacts Map About Humor You have a friend @Webby ! Copyright 1995-2014 Webby, Inc. on server # 30 EHC60084

You can un-subscribe from this list by clicking this link: http://webby.com/magiclist/index.cgi?act=u&l=humor2&email=newsletter@newslettercollector.com