Good Morning, Do! Today is Wednesday, December 4 ____________________________________________________ Today, December 4 in 1812 Peter Gaillard patented the power mower. ______________________________________________________ | If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can! | |
Today's Bonehead Award: Indiana Cops nab crook with "CRIME PAYS" tattoo _______________________________________________ If you like the Humor Letter, please vote! _______________________________________________ The only reason some people get lost in thought is because it's unfamiliar territory. --- Paul Fix _______________________________________________ Thanks to Lisa for this one: My father, in the hospital after surgery to repair a hip replacement, needed assistance to get on and off the toilet and the bedpan. 89 years old, he was also extremely modest and had a tough time dealing with the matter-of-fact ways nursing personnel dealt with bodily functions. One time two aides put him on the bedpan and stood by the bed waiting for him to finish. He looked at them and said. "It'll cost you a quarter to watch." Another time an aide put him on the toilet and left. When she came back about 5 minutes later, she asked if he was done yet. He looked at her in all seriousness and asked, "Why, do you need to use it?" ________________________________________________` ____________________________________________________ If you like the Humor Letter, please vote! Thanks for your votes! ___________________________________________________ An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD has been earned by Donald Preston Murray, 38, Terre Haute, Indiana Indiana Cops nab crook with "CRIME PAYS" tattoo After a few days on the lam, an Indiana man wanted in connection with a vehicle pursuit Friday evening has been apprehended. Donald Preston Murray, 38, was arrested late this morning and booked into the Vigo County jail in Terre Haute. Murray is currently being held without bond on criminal recklessness and resisting law enforcement charges. Murray, a Terre Haute resident, is best known for his forehead tattoo, which reads CRIME PAYS. Pictured above in a mug shot snapped today, Murray is scheduled for a court appearance Wednesday morning. Murray was convicted in September of drunk driving and sentenced to 60 days in jail and 40 hours of community service. He also had his driver's license suspended. DearWebby's Tech Support Pits From: Roland Re: Driver Cure Dear Webby, Seen this DriverCure and wondering if you have something like this? Roland Dear Roland Our computers seem to work just fine without that. I never came across a driver that needed fixing, except or the ones on the road. Have FUN! DearWebby Automatically move ALL your settings and programs. Kurt was going out with a nice girl and finally popped the question. "Will you marry me, darling?" he asked. Lisa smiled coyly and said, "Yes, if you'll buy me a mink." Kurt thought for a moment and then replied, "Okay, it's a deal, on one condition." "What is that?" Lisa asked. "You'll have to clean the cage and feed it," Kurt replied. | If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can! | |
There was a major sale at Victoria's Secret and Thorn wanted to get his wife some really sexy lingerie. The store was packed with women for this big sale and before he knew it, Thorn was pushed and shoved by frantic women all trying to get at the merchandise. Thorn remained calm for as long as he could, then bowed his head and pushed hard and effectively, and plowed through the crowd of women. I can just see him. When I worked with Thorn, he was a model of patience, up to a point. After that it was a lot safer to be out of tool throwing range. "Hey you!", an angry female voice yelled out at him, "Try acting like a gentleman!". "That's what I HAVE BEEN doing," Thorn retorted, "But since that doesn't work in this zoo, I'm gonna try to act like you wimin!" ___________________________________________________ Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Thriftyfun.com Tips for Job Hunting When hunting for a job, do not confine yourself to the newspapers, or online ads, as less than 30% of the available jobs are ever posted there. One of the reasons for this is the cost, and another is the time that would have to be wasted screening applicants. One way to find a job is to get out and truly pound the pavement. I have seen may help wanted signs out there, and even if it isn't your dream job, it may be the one that gets the bills paid until something else can be found. By Shari from Greer, SC Thriftyfun.com also has a newsletter. If you want more than just one tip per day, or if you want to share your tips, then you can subscribe to it here: ThriftyFun http://www.thriftyfun.com/subscribe.ldml ____________________________________________________ | | Watch How This Little Girl Celebrates A Country Christmas. |
___________________________________________________ Bo was telling the little ones of how it was when he was a young boy in Brooklyn, in Manhattan's immigrant ghetto. "When I was a kid," he said, "we didn't even have a radio. So our dad bored a hole through the wall into the living room of the Irish couple in the next apartment, to hear all the great boxing fights. That's when we discovered that they didn't have a radio either, and the fights we heard through the wall were live." ___________________________________________________ A big-city lawyer was representing the railroad in a lawsuit filed by an old rancher. The rancher's prize bull was missing from the section through which the railroad passed. The rancher only wanted to be paid the fair value of the bull. The case was scheduled to be tried before the justice of the peace in the back room of the general store. The city-slicker attorney for the railroad immediately cornered the rancher and tried to get him to settle out of court. He did his best selling job, and finally the rancher agreed to take half of what he was asking. After the rancher had signed the release and took the check and cashed it in the store, the young lawyer couldn't resist gloating a little over his success, telling the rancher, "You are really a country hick, old man, but I put one over on you in there. I couldn't have won the case. The engineer was asleep and the fireman was in the caboose when the train went through your ranch that morning. I didn't have one witness to put on the stand. I bluffed you!" The old rancher replied, "Well, I'll tell you young feller, I was a little worried about winning that case myself, because that durned bull came home this morning." ___________________________________________________ A rather boring joke I heard today reminded me of a fun incicent. Many years ago when I was taking a required course in the process of becoming an electrician, we also had to take some basics physics. Personally, I always loved physics, probably because deep down inside I am still a kid that is fascinated by anything that makes noise or moves. Most of the people in the class hated physics, and one guy in particular did a lot of complaining about it and asking why it was necessary. Finally the instructor had enough and he told him that physics was required to save his live. Naturally the guy fell for that straight line and asked how physics would save his live. "It saves lives", the instructor yelled at him, "because it keeps you from finishing the course, and because if you passed my class and then later burned down a house with your lack of knowledge, I'd have to go and shoot you." That guy quit the course right there __________________________________________________ | Ophelia Dingbatter's NewsNo sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double opt-in confirmation request. |
___________________________________________________ | Today, December 4 in 1783 Gen. George Washington said farewell to his officers at Fraunces Tavern in New York. 1812 Peter Gaillard patented the power mower. 1867 The National Grange of Husbandry was founded. 1875 William Marcy Tweed, the "Boss" of New York City's Tammany Hall political organization, escaped from jail and fled from the U.S. 1918 U.S. President Woodrow Wilson set sail for France to attend the Versailles Peace Conference. Wilson became the first chief executive to travel to Europe while in office. 1942 U.S. President Franklin D. Roosevelt ordered the dismantling of the Works Progress Administration. The program had been created in order to provide jobs during the Great Depression. 1942 U.S. bombers attacked the Italian mainland for the first time during World War II. 1943 Baseball Commissioner Kenesaw Mountain Landis announced that any club was free to employ black players. 1945 The U.S. Senate approved American participation in the United Nations. 1965 The U.S. launched Gemini 7 with Air Force Lt. Col. Frank Borman and Navy Comdr. James A. Lovell on board. 1973 Pioneer 10 reached Jupiter. 1977 Jean-Bedel Bokassa, ruler of the Central African Empire, crowned himself emperor in a ceremony believed to have cost more than $100 million. He was deposed 2 years later. 1978 Dianne Feinstein became San Francisco's first woman mayor when she was named to replace George Moscone, who had been murdered. 1979 For the second time, the United Nations Security Council voted unanimously to urge Iran to free American hostages that had been taken on November 4. 1980 The bodies of four American nuns slain in El Salvador two days earlier were unearthed. Five national guardsmen were later convicted of the murders. 1983 U.S. jet fighters struck Syrian anti-aircraft positions in Lebanon in retaliation for attacks directed at American reconnaissance planes. Navy Lt. Robert O. Goodman Jr. was shot down and captured by Syria. 1984 A five-day hijack drama began as four men seized a Kuwaiti airliner en route to Pakistan and forced it to land in Tehran. Two American passengers were killed by the hijackers. 1986 Both U.S. houses of Congress moved to establish special committees to conduct their own investigations of the Iran- Contra affair. 1987 Cuban inmates at a federal prison in Atlanta freed their 89 hostages, peacefully ending an 11-day uprising. 1988 The government of Argentina announced that hundreds of heavily armed soldiers had ended a four-day military revolt. 1990 Iraq promised to release 3,300 Soviet citizens it was holding. 1991 Associated Press correspondent Terry Anderson was released after nearly seven years in captivity in Lebanon. 1991 Pan American World Airways ceased operations. 1992 U.S. President George H.W. Bush ordered American troops to lead a mercy mission to Somalia. 1993 The Angolan government and its UNITA guerrilla foes formally adopted terms for a truce. The conflict was killing an estimated 1,000 people per day. 1994 Bosnian Serbs released 53 out of about 400 UN peacekeepers they were holding as insurance against further NATO airstrikes. 1997 The National Basketball Association (NBA) suspended Latrell Sprewell of the Golden State Warriors for one year for choking and threatening to kill his coach, P.J. Carlesimo. 2000 O.J. Simpson was involved in an incident with another motorist in Miami, FL. Simpson was accused of scratching the other motorists face while pulling off the man's glasses. 2001 O.J. Simpson's home in Florida was raided by the FBI in an ongoing two year international investigation into drug trafficking, satellite service pilfering and money laundering. Some satellite equipment was taken from Simpson's home and no drugs were found. 2019 Do smiled. |
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