Good Morning, Do! Today is Tuesday, November 17 ___________________________________________________ International Bonehead Award Fresno man convicted of raping nanny insists on innocence, earns massive punishment ____________________________________ Today, November 17 in 1970 The Soviet Union landed an unmanned, remote-controlled vehicle on the moon, the Lunokhod 1. The vehicle was released by Luna 17. _____________________________________________________ A good listener is a good talker with a sore throat. --- Katharine Whitehorn _____________________________________________________ It was many years ago since the embarrassing day when a young woman, with a baby in her arms, entered his butcher shop and confronted him with the news that the baby was his and asked what was he going to do about it? Finally he offered to provide her with free meat until the boy was 16. She agreed. He had been counting the years off on his calendar, and one day the teenager, who had been collecting the meat each week, came into the shop and said, "I'll be 16 tomorrow." "I know," said the butcher with a smile, "I've been counting too, tell your mother, when you take this parcel of meat home, that it is the last free meat she'll get, and watch the expression on her face." When the boy arrived home he told his mother. The woman nodded and said, "Son, go back to the butcher and tell him I have also had free bread, free milk, and free groceries for the last 16 years and watch the expression on HIS face!" _____________________________________________________ Rescued Canadian Lynx Kitten ___________________________________________________ A guy meets a childhood pal. "What are you doing for yourself these days?" "I'm a fireman." "Oh yeah? My 15-year-old kid wants to be a fireman." "Well, if you want some good advice, you've got to install in your house a pole that will go to the basement so your kid can practice, 'cause the hardest thing for a fireman is to jump off into space and catch that pole in the middle of the night." Ten years later, the two guys happen to meet again. "Well, did your son become a fireman?" "No, but I have two daughters who are pole dancers." _________________________________________________ An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD has been earned by Joseph Ward, USA Fresno man convicted of raping nanny insists on innocence, earns massive punishment Joseph Ward collapsed on the witness stand, spit at his attorney, and interrupted repeatedly during the trial, and was unapologetic as he got his punishment. Fifteen months after a jury convicted a Fresno man of rape, robbery, and other charges for an attack on a northeast Fresno nanny, a judge has handed down a massive punishment. Joseph Ward stuck to his guns almost to the end. "I stand for what I believe in and I finish with 'You've got the wrong guy'," he told the judge about to punish him. Judge Kristi Culver-Kapetan sentenced Ward to 281 years and 13 life sentences for the sexual assault and robbery of a nanny and kidnapping her and the 1-year-old child she had just taken for a walk in June 2018. Without DNA or fingerprint evidence left behind, Ward and his attorney insist the real criminal got away. "Imagine when he gets caught for this again after being emboldened by the conviction of an innocent person, as he certainly would be, if he does this again," said defense attorney Kendall Simsarian, who took over Ward's case after the trial was already completed. Ward said he acted like a jerk in court and acknowledged that didn't help his case. He collapsed on the witness stand, spit at his attorney, and interrupted repeatedly during the trial, and was unapologetic as he got his punishment. "I'm facing 400 years to life, and I ask you for zero mercy," he said. "I didn't commit this crime. I will not plead. I will not beg. I will not ask for nothing from you or this court. Give me 400 years. Give me death." Prosecutor Rick Thomas says he agreed with Ward that the judge should show no mercy. But he said Ward misstated a lot of facts and tried to blame the victim, despite everything the jury heard. "And then we come back again to 'the victim must've lied'," Thomas said. "Again, there's no evidence of that. And it comes down to the identification." One of the "facts" Ward misstated was how sure the victim was of the identification. Her mother said she's 100% sure she correctly identified the man who attacked her. Ward's last words to the judge were "I'm appealing", but as he walked out of court, he turned to the victim's parents and said "I'm sorry." The woman's mother broke down in tears, believing that was finally Ward's confession. DearWebby's Tech Support Pits From: Helen RE: Duplicate Sweeper Dear Webby, Not sure what I would do without your newsletter. I totally appreciate the humor, your vast knowledge and your willingness to share. My newest question: What do you think of Duplicate Sweeper? Is it trustworthy? is it worth the price? Thank you. Helen Dear Helen I would not waste money on that. Personally, I use Search Everything. It is free. If there are duplicates, they show up in that quite nicely, and I can compare sizes and dates. Have FUN! DearWebby | If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can! | If you like my work,
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_____________________________________________ When our dryer broke, my husband set to work. He found the problem quickly and, since he needed to replace the belt, decided to repair a cracked knob and a broken hinge too. Upon arrival at the Sears parts counter, he said he needed a belt, knob, hinge, and a crescent-shaped wire he'd found inside the dryer. He didn't know where it belonged, but he confidently assured the clerk that he could figure it out once he got into the job. "I have the other parts," the clerk said, "but for the wire you have to go to Lingerie. This is an underwire from your wife's bra." ____________________________________________ Checking out of the grocery store, I noticed that the bag boy was eyeing my two adopted children curiously. They often draw scrutiny, since my son is a blond Russian, while my daughter has shiny black Haitian skin. He continued staring as he carried our groceries to the car. Finally, he asked. "Those your kids?" "Yes, they are!" I answered proudly. "They adopted?" "Yes." "I thought so," he concluded. "I figured you're a little too old to have kids that small." ____________________________________________ A kangaroo kept getting out of his enclosure at the zoo. Knowing that he could hop high, the zoo officials put up a ten-foot fence. He was out the next morning, just sauntering around the zoo. A twenty-foot fence was put up. Again he go out. When the fence was forty feet high, a camel in the next enclosure asked the kangaroo, "How high do you think they'll go?" The kangaroo said, "About a thousand feet, unless somebody locks the gate at night!" ____________________________________________ | Ophelia Dingbatter's NewsNo sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double opt-in confirmation request. |
___________________________________________________ | Today November 17 in 1558 Elizabeth I ascended the English throne upon the death of Queen Mary Tudor. 1603 Sir Walter Raleigh went on trial for treason. 1796 Catherine the Great of Russia died at the age of 67. 1798 Irish nationalist leader Wolfe Tone committed suicide while in jail awaiting execution. 1800 The U.S. Congress held its first session in Washington, DC, in the partially completed Capitol building. 1869 The Suez Canal opened in Egypt, linking the Mediterranean and the Red sea. 1903 Russia's Social Democrats officially split into two groups Bolsheviks and Mensheviks. 1904 The first underwater submarine journey was taken, from Southampton, England, to the Isle of Wight. 1913 The steamship Louise became the first ship to travel through the Panama Canal. 1913 In Germany, Kaiser Wilhelm banned the armed forces from dancing the tango. 1922 Siberia voted for union with the U.S.S.R. 1962 Washington's Dulles International Airport was dedicated by U.S. President Kennedy. 1970 The Soviet Union landed an unmanned, remote-controlled vehicle on the moon, the Lunokhod 1. The vehicle was released by Luna 17. 1973 U.S. President Nixon told an Associated Press managing editors meeting in Orlando, FL, "people have got to know whether or not their president is a crook. Well, I'm not a crook." 1979 Iran's Ayatollah Khomeini ordered the release of 13 female and black American hostages being held at the U.S. Embassy in Tehran. 1982 The Empire State Building was added to the National Register of Historical Places. 1988 Benazir Bhutto became the first woman leader of an Islamic country. She was elected in the first democratic elections in Pakistan in 11 years. 1990 A mass grave was discovered by the bridge over the River Kwai in Thailand. The bodies were believed to be those of World War II prisoners of war. 1990 The Soviet government agreed to change the country's constitution. 1997 62 people were killed by 6 Islamic militants outside the Temple of Hatshepsut in Luxor, Egypt. The attackers were killed by police. 1997 Mario Lemieux was voted into the NHL Hall of Fame. 2001 "Toys "R" Us Times Square The Center of the Toy Universe" opened in New York City. 2006 Sony's PlayStation 3 went on sale in the United States. 2010 Reasearchers trapped 38 antihydrogen atoms. It was the first time humans had trapped antimatter. 2020 Do smiled. |
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