Good Morning, Do, Today is Monday, February 5 Thank you, Svend! Have FUN! Dearwebby Todays Bonehead Award: 6-foot-9 inch Florida man punched his handicapped girlfriend and wanted cops to arrest him. Bonehead ______________________________________________________ Today, February 5 in 1783 Sweden recognized the independence of the United States. See More of what happened on this day in history. ______________________________________________________ | If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can! | |
______________________________________________________ Those who can laugh without cause have either found the true meaning of happiness or have gone stark raving mad. --- Norm Papernick Frisbeetarianism is the belief that when you die, your soul goes up on the roof and gets stuck. --- George Carlin What we think, or what we know, or what we believe is, in the end, of little consequence. The only consequence is what we do. --- John Ruskin ______________________________________________________ If you like the Humor Letter, please vote! ______________________________________________________ "Doc," said the young man lying down on the couch, "You've got to help me! Every night I have the same horrible dream. I'm lying in bed when all of a sudden five women rush in and start tearing off my clothes." The psychiatrist nodded, "And what do you do?" "I push them away!" "I see. And what can I do to help you with this?" The patient implored, "Please,... Break my arms!" ______________________________________________________ From Sheila in Oz The weather was very hot, so this man wanted desperately take a dive in the nearby lake. He didn't bring his swimming outfit, but who cared? He was all alone. So, he undressed and got into the water. After some delightful minutes of cool swimming, a pair of old ladies walked onto the shore in his direction. He panicked, got out of the water and grabbed a bucket, which lay on the sandy beach. He held the bucket in front of his private parts and sighed with relief. The ladies got nearby and looked at him. He felt awkward and wanted to move. Then one of the ladies said, "You know, I have a special gift, I can read minds." "Impossible," said the embarrassed man, "You really know what I'm thinking?" "Yes," the lady replied, "I know that you think that the bucket you're holding has a bottom in it." _____________________________________________________ ______________________________________________________ Faros del Mar _____________________________________________________ If you like the Humor Letter, please vote! Thanks for your votes! _____________________________________________________ The editor of a small country newspaper, furious over several government bills that had recently been passed, printed a scathing editorial with an enormous headline: "HALF THE LEGISLATORS ARE CROOKS"'. Many local Politicians were outraged and exerted tremendous pressure on him to print a retraction. He finally gave in to the pressure and ran his apology with the headline: "HALF THE LEGISLATORS SAY THEY ARE NOT CROOKS". _____________________________________________________ An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD has been earned by Patrick Moan, Vero Beach, Florida 6-foot-9 inch Florida man punched his handicapped girlfriend and wanted cops to arrest him. A man was arrested after he punched his armless and legless girlfriend and took her to Vero Beach Walmart so she could report it to a shopper, the Miami Herald originally reported. The Miami Herald said Patrick Moan, who is reported as being 6 foot 9 inches tall, punched his girlfriend in the right ear Sunday. Later that afternoon, Moan took his girlfriend to the Walmart, hoping his girlfriend would tell someone that he hit her. The Herald reported Moan told a shopper himself that he did it and hoped the person would "call the cops so he could go to jail." The Miami Herald attributed the Indian River County Sheriff's Office who said Moan was tired of taking care of her and pushing her around in her wheelchair. He also said that if he punched her and confessed to it, he would no longer have to take care of her, the Miami Herald attributed to the arrest report. The chickenshit could have kicked a police car and get arrested. He did not have to hit a handicapped woman, or he could have simply brought her to a women`s shelter. _________________________________ Tech Support Pits From: Carol D Re: Kodak EasyShare Dear Webby, I just installed an updated version of Kodak EasyShare. Now whenever I boot up in the morning, the first thing I see is Kodak EasyShare. Is there a way I can stop this? I am not sure where to look to fix this. I am running Windows XP. You have helped me before and I am confident you can do it again. Thank you for an enjoyable read each morning with my coffee. Carol D Dear Carol I have never used Kodak EasyShare and have no clue about the settings in that program. Best would be if you called their Support. If you can't get help from them, use the tools in Spybot-Search&Destroy to take Easyshare out of the start-up queue. Have FUN! DearWebby Thank you so much for your help. I have the Spybot program and love it. I'll use that to delete it from my start-up queue. I knew you'd have the answer! Carol Automatically move ALL your settings and programs. No need to re-install them. The only mover recommended by Intel and Microsoft. Bill watched through the window as his young daughter played in the first snow of the season and made a snowman with a little friend. Entertained by the sight, he went closer and heard the little boy say: "I got an idea. To finish it off, I'll go to the kitchen and find a carrot." And his daughter replied, "Make it two. The second can be his nose." | If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can! | |
An atheist complained to a friend, "Christians have their special holidays, such as Christmas and Easter; and Jews celebrate their holidays, such as Passover and Yom Kippur; Muslims have their holidays. EVERY religion has its holidays. But we atheists," he said, "have no recognized national holidays. It's an unfair discrimination." His friend replied, "Well... you got April first!" ____________________________________________________ Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Skillet Pizza By Judy [413 Posts, 7,091 Comments] Prep Time: 15 minutes Cook Time: 10 minutes Total Time: 25 minutes Yield: 4 slices Source: Adapted from Taste of Home Ingredients: 1 cup flour (I used whole wheat) 2 tsp baking powder 1 tsp dried oregano 1/2 tsp salt 6 Tbsp water 2 Tbsp plus 1 teaspoon olive oil, divided 1/2 cup pizza sauce chopped peppers sliced mushrooms 1 cup shredded part-skim mozzarella cheese Steps: Preheat broiler. In a bowl, whisk flour, baking powder, oregano and salt. Stir in water and 2 tablespoons oil to form a soft dough. Turn onto a floured surface; knead 6-8 times. Brush bottom of a 10 to 12-inch ovenproof skillet with remaining oil. Heat pan on medium-high heat. Transfer dough to pan. Cook 2-3 minutes on each side or until golden brown. Remove from heat. Spread with pizza sauce; put on toppings and cheese. Broil 3-4 in. from heat 3-5 minutes or until cheese is melted. Tip provided by Thriftyfun.com ____________________________________________________ Ole and Lena lived on a lake in Northern Minnesota. It was late fall and the lake had just frozen over. Ole asked Lena if she would walk across the frozen lake to the general store to pick him up some tobacco. She asked for some money, but he told her to put it on their tab. So she walked across, got the tobacco and walked back. Then she asked Ole why he didn't send her with any money. He said, "I vasn't goin' to send any money ven I vasn't sure how tick de ice vas..." | | Surreal digital art by Lee Mora. |
Brandi finds herself in dire trouble. Her business has gone bust and she's in serious financial trouble. She's so desperate that she decides to ask God for help. She begins to pray... "God, please help me. I've lost my business and if I don't get some money, I'm going to lose my house as well. Please let me win the lotto." Lotto night comes and somebody else wins it. Brandi again prays... God, please let me win the lotto! I've lost my business, my house and I'm going to lose my car as well." Lotto night comes and Brandi still has no luck. Once again, she prays... "My God, why have you forsaken me?? I've lost my business, my house, and my car. My children are starving. I don't often ask you for help and I have always been a good servant to you. PLEASE just let me win the lotto this one time so I can get my life back in order." Suddenly there is a blinding flash of light as the heavens open and Brandi is confronted by the voice of God Himself. "Brandi, meet Me halfway on this." "BUY A TICKET" ___________________________________________________ | Ophelia Dingbatter's NewsNo sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double opt-in confirmation request. |
____________________________________________________ | Today, February 5, in 1782 The Spanish captured Minorca from the British. 1783 Sweden recognized the independence of the United States. 1861 Samuel Goodale patented the moving picture peep show machine. 1885 Congo State was established under Leopold II of Belgium, as a personal possession. 1917 The U.S. Congress passed the Immigration Act of 1917 (Asiatic Barred Zone Act) with an overwhelming majority. The action overrode President Woodrow Wilson's December 14, 1916 veto. 1924 The BBC time signals, or "pips", from Greenwich Observatory were heard for the first time. They are broadcast every hour. 1952 In New York City, four signs were installed at 44th Street and Broadway in Times Square that told pedestrians "don't walk." 1962 French President Charles De Gaulle called for Algeria's independence. 1972 Bob Douglas became the first black man elected to the Basketball Hall of Fame in Springfield, MA. 1982 Great Britain imposed economic sanctions against Poland and Russia in protest against martial law in Poland. 1988 A pair of indictments were unsealed in Florida, accusing Panama's military leader, Gen. Manuel Antonio Noriega, of bribery and drug trafficking. 1994 White separatist Byron De La Beckwith was convicted in Jackson, MS, of the 1963 murder of civil rights leader Medgar Evers. 1997 Switzerland's "Big Three" banks announced they would create a $71 million fund for Holocaust victims and their families. 1997 Investment bank Morgan Stanley announced a $10 billion merger with Dean Witter. 1999 Mike Tyson was sentenced to a year in jail for assaulting two people after a car accident on August 31, 1998. Tyson was also fined $5,000, had to serve 2 years of probation, and had to perform 200 hours of community service upon release. 2003 U.S. Secretary of State Colin Powell presented evidence to the U.N. concerning Iraq's material breach of U.N. Resolution 1441. 2018 Do smiled. |
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